Let's Go On Dreaming
by MuffinOnYourFace
Summary: This is a MerDer story all the way! It takes place right after prom when Mer chooses Der right away. McBaby fluff later on! WARNING: Chapter 1 rated M. Chapter 50 is up!
1. It's Always Been You

Meredith looked at the two men standing in front of her, both with longing and love in their eyes. She looked to Finn and then to Derek.

"Meredith?" Finn said with hope in his voice.

"Meredith?" Derek echoed. Meredith immediately felt her heart rate quicken as her name rolled off his tongue. Finn was a good guy. Probably the better guy. But she loved Derek so much.

She turned away from them and ran out into the night. He was married. He had a wife. Tears sprang to her eyes as she felt her heart ache within her chest.

xxx

Meredith lay in her bed later that night. It had begun to rain and she watched the water stream down the window pains. She squeezed her eyes shut as her mind wandered back to early that night. She had missed him so much.

_He turned his head towards her and his anger and frustration melted almost immediately when he saw her imploring face. His heart began to beat faster as his eyes skimmed across her body. He loved her. That's what he was thinking. That's all he was thinking as he strode across the room and took her in his arms. _

_She gasped slightly as his lips crashed onto hers. She melted into him, overcome by his passion and intensity. They kissed for a long time, remembering what it was like to be this close to each other. It was obvious that they both had longed for each other. Finally, their desire got the better of them and Meredith pulled away from him, looking into his eyes, which were smoky with desire. He knew what she wanted. He pushed her up against the exam table and began to trail kisses from her lips, across her collarbone and to the edge of her dress. He brought his hands up to her breasts and she gasped slightly as she felt his hands through the thin material. She reached up and began to push off his jacket and loosen his tie, their lips never breaking apart. Her hands moved across his chest and arms and back. She ached to touch every part of him. She felt him bring his hands down to her legs. He reached up under her dress and began to roll her panties off of her legs. She sighed into his mouth as she felt his hands on her bare thighs. She reached down to his belt buckle and undid it. Then she undid his pants and they dropped to the floor. He pulled away slightly from her and looked into her eyes. He smiled at her and kissed her again. She moved to the edge of the exam table and wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel him at her entrance. _

_"Derek…" she whispered. He thrust into her and she moaned with pleasure. He smiled at her and began to move within her slowly. She was aching for him. She needed him. She ground her hips against him, wanting to feel him deep within her. She pulled herself against him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Finally he began to speed up his thrusts and she moaned into his mouth. _

_"Oh God, Meredith…"he groaned as he moved in her. "I love you. I love you so much." With each thrust a little part of him was pieced back together. He hadn't realized how empty he had been without her. His passion built as he moved against her. He couldn't hold out much longer. _

_"Yes, oh God, Derek…" Meredith moaned. "I love you, too." She had been lost without him. She needed him with her. She needed him inside her. Never had she been so broken or so restored. _

_His thrusts began to come harder and faster as they neared the edge together. She began to tighten around him and she came with a moan of satisfaction. He continued to thrust into her until he came and she came again with him. She sagged against him as she rode out the last waves of pleasure. He pulled her against him, breathing in her lavender scented hair. He reached down and brought her hand up to his chest so that she could feel his heart beating rapidly. She looked up at him, smiling and he leaned down, brushing her lips softly with his. He felt her fingers intertwining with his as she brought his hand up to her own chest. She felt him smile against her lips. They had missed each other so much._

Meredith was interrupted from her thoughts by a knock on the door. Meredith didn't answer. Her throat was tight with sorrow. The door opened anyway and Christina walked across the room.

"Move over," she said as she climbed onto the bed next to Meredith. Meredith scooted over and Christina crawled under the covers.

"Burke got shot," Christina said quietly, as if she was just coming to terms with it now.

"I slept with Derek," Meredith whispered.

xxx

Meredith woke up the next morning and it was still raining steadily. She looked over at Christina, who was still sleeping soundly. She climbed out of the bed and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Alex and George were sitting at the counter, chewing on their breakfast quietly. Meredith didn't say anything. She just opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of orange juice, before sitting next to George.

"Izzie's in the bathroom," George said quietly.

Meredith looked over at him. "And?"

"She won't come out."

"Oh," Meredith said softly.

Christina walked into the kitchen and plopped next to Meredith.

"Izzie locked herself in the bathroom and I really have to pee," she said, annoyed. Meredith turned to her.

"Denny died."

"So?" Christina asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said. "It's just, you know. She has a right to lock herself in the bathroom. The man she loved died."

"Yeah," Alex said around a bite of eggs. "Mer's right. If Izzie wants to freak out in the bathroom. Then let her."

"We should go talk to her," George said. "We should go do…something."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because. Because she's sad. And we're her family," George responded triumphantly already getting up from his stool. They all trailed behind him.

They reached the bathroom door and Alex knocked lightly. "Iz? You in there?"

"Go away," Izzie said from behind the door.

"Come on Izzie," George said.

"Just go away, George."

"Maybe you should talk to her, Meredith," Christina said reasonably.

"Why me?" Meredith asked.

"Because." Christina looked at her. "You're all dark and twisty."

"Dark and twisty." Meredith looked at her friend, slightly annoyed.

"Mother who has Alzheimer's, McDreamy who's McMarried, father who abandoned you…" Christina ticked them off on her fingers.

"Yeah, dude. You are kind of dark and twisty," Alex said.

Meredith dropped her shoulders. "Okay, fine." She walked to the bathroom and opened it slowly. There was Izzie. On the floor. In the dress that she had been wearing as she clung to Denny.

Meredith walked over to Izzie and lay down next to her. "I don't know what to say to you."

Izzie looked over at her. "When Dylan died and when the bomb went off did you feel like…"

"What?"

"Like you were moving in slow motion?"

Meredith looked away from Izzie slightly, thinking. "He was there and then he wasn't. Like I blinked and he was gone."

Izzie looked at Meredith. She felt lost. "I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. Like I'm moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast and I just wanna go back … to when things were normal, when I wasn't poor Izzie laying on the bathroom floor in her prom dress with her … her dead fiancée. But I am. So I can't. And. I'm just stuck ... And there's all this pressure cause everyone's hovering around me, waiting for me to do something or say something or flip out or yell or cry some more. And I'm happy to play my part. I'm happy to say the lines and do whatever it is that I'm supposed to be doing if it would make everyone feel more comfortable. But I don't ... I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be this person. I don't- I don't know who this person is."

"Izzie..." Meredith whispered, a tear running down her face.

"How did this happen?" Izzie implored desperately. "How did we end up here? Why am I alone? Where's Denny?"

"You're not alone, Iz." Meredith reached over and grabbed Izzie's hand.

xxx

Derek walked out of the hospital and got into his car, driving to his trailer. When he went inside he found Addison sitting on their bed in his jacket that he had given her because she was cold. She looked up at him. Her face was streaked with tears. She lifted her hand and he saw she was holding Meredith's panties. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Addison…" he began slowly, glancing away from her.

"No," she said angrily. "Just, no. You do not get to make a speech to me. You do not get any chance to make this better. Because you hurt me. You hurt me by choosing me, but still loving her." She stood up from the bed and strode over to Derek. "I mean, God! You didn't even try to hide it!"

"Addison…" She cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Why did you do that to me? Why did you give me hope?"

"Because I do love you." He said it quietly. She looked up at him. "I do love you. But I'm in love with Meredith. She's the love of my life."

Addison nodded her head slowly. "Well then why did you hurt me? If you loved me, why did you hurt me?"

"I needed to try to save our marriage, Addie. I needed to try!"

"But you knew it would never work. You knew you didn't want to spend the rest of your life with me. So, what? You figured you would put in a good year to ease your conscience and then leave?"

"Addison, stop!" He ran his hands through his hair, shaking his head. "You're my friend! I thought I would hurt you more by giving up without even trying."

"God, Derek! How could you think that? Watching you gaze at her and long for her this past year hurt so much! You were with me, but you weren't. I gave you a choice. I gave you the chance to walk away. And you didn't. And because of it, you hurt me more. And maybe I deserved some of it. Because I hurt you first. But, God, Derek…" Her voice trailed off and she looked up at him. Her eyes were glistening with tears. "The reason I slept with Mark was because you were never there. You were absent. And I'm not trying to blame you or say that what I did was okay, but I missed you. And I wanted to feel loved." She looked up at him again and saw he was teary-eyed as well. "I pretended it was you," she whispered.

Derek looked at her, his eyes misty. "I'm so sorry, Addie. I really am."

Addison smiled slightly. "I know."

"I'm sorry I slept with Meredith. That was wrong. I shouldn't have done that."

"It was always her, wasn't it?" Addison asked softly.

Derek nodded slightly, studying her face. "Yeah. It was." He smiled faintly at Addison before turning and walking out the door into the rain.

"Goodbye, Derek," Addison whispered to the empty trailer.

xxx

Derek drove to Meredith's house without even realizing it. _It was always her, wasn't it? _He turned off his car and stared at her house. _Yeah. It was. _He got out of the car and walked to the front door. He knocked and Christina appeared in front of him.

"Hi," he said, suddenly nervous. "Is, uh, is Meredith here?"

"Yeah," Christina said. She opened the door and he walked in, smiling at her. "She's in the kitchen." Derek began to walk towards the kitchen door, but Christina stopped him. "You better not break her heart again."

Derek looked at Christina carefully. "I wouldn't dream of it." Christina nodded her head and Derek turned back to the kitchen door. He pushed it open and saw Meredith moving around the room, cleaning up dishes and tidying up the counter. She didn't notice him at first and he leaned against the door, watching her move around. Finally, she looked up and caught his eye. She straightened herself and took one hesitant step towards him.

"Hi," she said breathlessly.

"Hi," he said.

They looked at each other for a long time. In that moment, Meredith realized what Izzie meant when she had talked about slow motion. The world seemed to slow and fade away as she stared helplessly into Derek's eyes.

"Derek…" Meredith said softly.

"Wait," Derek said suddenly. "The reason I came over here was because I wanted to say something to you." He took a deep breath. "I was going to say…What I wanted to say was…But now all I can say is that…I'm in love with you." He smiled at her so brightly that her breath caught in her throat. "I've been in love with you for … ever… I'm a little late, I know I'm a little late in telling you that…" He paused. He looked into her eyes, searching them. "I just…I just want you to take your time, you know? Take all the time you need, because you have a choice to make. And when I had a choice to make, I chose wrong." He looked at her intently. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you." She breathed in slightly. She loved him so much. He nodded his head slightly and turned to leave, but her voice stopped him.

"I don't need to make a choice." Meredith said it so quietly that he almost didn't hear her. He turned around. She glanced up at him, into his eyes. "I don't need to make a choice. It's you, Derek. It's always been you." She looked at him. He smiled at her and then proceeded to stride across the room and kiss her. She smiled against his mouth, draping her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her against him. She melted into him. She could get used to being loved.


	2. Love Her

Christina was walking towards the kitchen door, but paused when she heard Derek's voice: "I'm in love with you…I've been in love with you for…ever…" She smiled when she heard this, but her mind kept wandering back to Burke. Did he know how much she loved him? Did she tell him enough? She missed him. She hadn't seen him all day since she had been with Izzie, who still refused to change her clothes or leave the bathroom floor. Christina was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Meredith's voice through the door: "I don't have to make a choice. It's you, Derek. It's always been you." Christina smiled quietly to herself and then walked outside into the light drizzle. She got into her car and drove to the hospital.

She arrived at Burke's room just before visitor's hours ended and walked inside. She took off her shoes and jacket and climbed onto the bed next to him. Uncontrollable tears came to her eyes as he wrapped his arm around her. His brow furrowed in concern as she began to cry, hiding her face in his shirt. She finally looked up at him. "Don't ever die," she said, her throat tight. It was the best she could do.

He looked at her carefully. He understood. "I'll do my best."

She nodded her head and laid it on his chest. He pulled her to him tightly and kissed her hair. Christina immediately felt her eyes drooping. She was so tired. Within minutes she had fallen asleep. Burke glanced down at her and his lips curved into a smile. He kissed her forehead and shut his eyes as well.

A few minutes later, Burke was woken up by a nurse entering the room. She eyed Christina curled up against Burke. "Visiting hours are over," she said.

"I know."

"She should leave."

"I know that to."

"You gonna wake her up?"

"No."

The nurse nodded, smiling. "Okay." She exited the room. Burke smiled to himself as well and drifted off again.

xxx

Izzie didn't know what time it was. She didn't know how much time had passed since Denny died. She didn't know how much time had passed since Meredith left. She missed him so much. She missed him so much that it hurt to breathe. _What about me? What about me when you go to the light?_ Izzie squeezed her eyes shut, willing the memories to stay away, but they didn't. _Please, Denny! Please do this for me! Because if you die… Oh, God! You have to do this! You have to do this for me, or I'll never be able to forgive you! _A small tear trickled down Izzie's cheek. _For dying? _Her breathe caught in her throat at the memory of his voice. God, how she longed to hear that voice again. _No! For making me love you!_

xxx

George and Alex sat outside the bathroom door.

"Do you think we should go in again?" George asked, turning to Alex.

"No. We already tried that. She knows we're here." Alex turned back towards the door.

"Do you love her?" George asked suddenly.

George waited for Alex to laugh and dismiss the question with a wave of his hand, but he didn't. He thought for a moment before turning to George. "I think…yeah I do. Love her, I mean."

George nodded his head slightly, surprised at Alex's sincerity. "How do you know when you're in love with somebody?"

"You've never been in love?" Alex asked. "What about Meredith?"

"That was different." George shook his head slightly. "That was probably closer to worship. Not love. I didn't view Meredith as my equal. I thought she was above me, or something."

Alex nodded his head slightly. "You're talking about Callie, then, right?"

George nodded.

"Well then, let me ask you this." Alex turned towards George so that he was facing him. "When you kiss her, does the feel of her lips linger? Whenever you see her, with makeup, without makeup, do you think, _God, she is beautiful_? Is she the last person you think about when you got o bed? Is she the first person you think about when you wake up? Does your heartbeat quicken when you see her coming towards you?" Alex paused, letting his words settle. Then he sank back against the wall. "That's how you'll know."

George sat in silence for a while, thinking. "Yeah." Alex looked at him. "Yeah, I think I love her." George grinned. Alex smiled slightly. George began to get up. "I have to go tell her!" He began to walk down the hall, but turned over his shoulder. "Hey, thanks, Alex."

"No problem."

A memory suddenly occurred to Izzie that she hadn't thought of before. _Listen to me. I believe in heaven Izzie. _Izzie mouthed the words silently as they came back to her. _And if I had to choose between this life here… and one in heaven?_ Izzie smiled slightly. _I choose heaven, okay?_

"Okay," Izzie whispered breathlessly.

He was okay. He was going to be okay. Izzie was suddenly aware of Alex and George's voices outside the bathroom. They were talking. _Do you love her? _Izzie waited for the response. _I think…yeah I do. Love her, I mean. _Izzie's smiled slightly. She hadn't known he still felt that way about her. But with an aching realization, Izzie wondered if she would every be able to truly love again.

xxx

Later that night, Derek and Meredith lay in bed together. Meredith's head was resting on his chest and he had his arm wrapped protectively around her. Every once in a while, Derek would kiss her forehead or breathe in her lavender scented hair and she would giggle.

Suddenly, something occurred to Meredith. She pulled away from him and he looked up at her, startled. "You're married," she said.

"No," he said. "I'm not anymore. I ended it with Addison."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"You promise?"

"Yes."

"Good." But she didn't lie back down. "Just to be sure, though," she said as she climbed out of the bed and pulled on some clothes. "You're not getting any until those divorce papers are signed."

Derek groaned. "What?"

"Yup. You're not getting in my pants until the divorce is final." Even though she was joking, he could tell she was scared of getting hurt again.

"Okay, fine." He got up and pulled on his pants and his shirt. He began to go to leave, but she surprised him by walking over to him and kissing him softly on the lips. He responded immediately by pulling her against his body. He ran his tongue along her bottom lip until she parted her lips slightly. He began to back her up to the bed, but she pulled away, placing her hand on his chest.

"Derek…"she said breathlessly, her face flushed from the kiss. "I said no sex."

"I know," he said, running his hands through his hair. "Sorry."

She stared at him. Her eyes were dark with desire. "Well maybe just one more time," she said. He grabbed her, picking her up and placing her on the bed. She hadn't finished buttoning her shirt and he trailed kisses across her chest, undoing the rest of the buttons as he went. She giggled as she felt his stubble on her bare stomach. She loved him so much.

xxx

Meredith woke up the next morning and smiled. She was curled against Derek, her head resting on his chest. When he felt her stir, he subconsciously tightened his grasp around her. She reached up and began to kiss his jaw line. His stubble tickled her lips and she laughed. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled down at her.

"Morning," he said.

"Morning," she answered. She began to get out of bed, but he held her arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"Breakfast." He pulled her back onto the bed and began to kiss her neck. "Derek. I said no more sex."

"You said that last night." He continued kissing her.

"That was a one time lapse in judgment. I mean it this time." He pulled away slightly and looked at her, chuckling softly. She kissed him quickly on the lips and then rolled out of bed and pulled on some clothes. When she turned around to find that he wasn't following suit she frowned. "Hurry up. I'll be late for work."

"Fine," he said, pretending to be put out.

"Good." She smiled at him and walked outside and down the stairs.

She was heading into the kitchen when she heard a knock on the door. She walked over and saw Finn standing outside in the rain. She smiled slightly and opened the door. He stood in front of her, dripping.

"Hi," he said, his voice soft.

"Hey," she answered. She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"I, uh, I know I should be giving you space, but…" he trailed off slightly and glanced away from her. She shifted her weight uneasily. "But I couldn't stay away, Meredith. I needed to see you."

"Finn, wait…" Meredith said.

"No wait, let me just get this out." Finn looked back into her eyes. "I think…I may be…in love with you. And I don't know how it happened. And I didn't even think it was possible, but I look at you…and…I just love you, Meredith." He smiled slightly at her.

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him helplessly. "Finn…I…I'm…"

"What? What is it, Mer?" Finn asked anxiously.

"I'm sorry," she said it softly, quietly. She hated herself for hurting him.

"Sorry? Why are you sorry?" Finn asked, slightly confused.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Mer, you didn't…" His voice trailed off as he saw Derek walk down the stairs. Derek glanced up and saw him too. He paused on the staircase.

"Oh," Finn said, his face falling.

"Finn, I'm so sorry," Meredith said. "I really am. I just…"

"He's the one, isn't he?" Finn asked, watching Meredith carefully.

"Yeah," Meredith said, bowing her head. "Yeah, he is."

Finn nodded and began to back away, out into the rain, but he stopped suddenly. He turned back to Meredith. "He's going to hurt you again. He's going to hurt you and I'm not going to be there." Meredith only looked at him sadly. He turned away and disappeared in the downpour.

Meredith closed the door. Derek walked down the remaining steps and walked up behind Meredith. He wrapped his arms around her stomach and kissed her neck softly. She leaned into his touch, resting her head against his chest.

"Hey, Derek?" Meredith whispered.

"Hmmm?" Derek answered.

"Will you…I mean would you…ever…" She couldn't bring herself to ask the question.

"I will never hurt you again, Meredith."

"I really do love you, you know." She said it cautiously. She was afraid to give her whole heart to him again.

"I love you too." He said it confidently. She smiled and turned in his arms so that she was facing him. She kissed him softly on the lips.

"I'm glad," she said. She kissed him again. "But we should get to work."

He laughed and released her. They walked out to his car, hand in hand, and drove to the hospital.


	3. I Just Love You So Much

When Alex got up that morning he immediately went down to the bathroom to check on Izzie, but to his amazement she wasn't there. He ran back upstairs and looked into her room. She had changed and was lying on her bed, staring out the window. Alex walked over and sat on her bed.

"Hey," he said quietly. She turned towards him. Her eyes were red. She had been crying. "You okay?"

"No," she said.

"Do you need anything?" he asked. He reached out and lightly touched her shoulder.

She smiled faintly at him. "I'm fine, Alex."

He nodded. Then, without even thinking about it, he leaned down and kissed her softly on her forehead. Izzie smiled. "Thank you."

xxx

"Where's Christina?" Meredith asked George as they got ready in the locker room.

"Don't know." George glanced over at Meredith. He could tell she was worried. Christina didn't miss a day of work unless she had major surgery. (And even then she tried). "I haven't seen her since last night."

Meredith nodded her head absent mindedly, but didn't answer. Bailey entered the locker room. Her interns glanced up at her.

"All right. Let's go. Rounds." Her interns obediently rose from their seats and filed outside.

They began with a neurology patient who fell off her horse, head-first into a jump standard. Meredith looked up and smiled when Derek strode into the room with his McDreamy smile plastered on his face. He looked her way and winked before focusing on the patient.

"How are you feeling today Mrs. Brighton?" Derek asked cheerfully.

"I've still got a pretty bad headache," the patient answered dazedly. Meredith couldn't tell if it was from her accident or Derek's dreamy looks that she was looking so star struck. He tended to have that affect on female patients.

"All right," Derek said, concerned. "We'll give you some morphine for the pain and Dr. Grey here will take you down to get an MRI." He handed the chart to Meredith. She smiled at him and his face softened. He really did love her.

The next room was Dr. Burke's. When the interns filed in they found Christina tucked peacefully against Burke. Dr. Bailey switched on the light and brought her hand to her hip.

"Good morning."

Christina woke up with a start, practically falling off the bed. She probably would've if Burke hadn't been holding her. Startled into consciousness, Burke looked around the room sleepily. Christina stumbled off the bed and began to make her excuses.

"I was just…uh…checking the patient," she stumbled frantically.

"Well it looks like you did a very thorough job," Bailey said sarcastically. Alex chuckled. Meredith smiled. Christina shifted her weight, embarrassed. "Go get dressed, Dr. Yang. Now." Christina practically ran out of the room at Bailey's order.

Bailey turned back to Burke, but a scowl remained in her face. "And how do you feel, Dr. Burke?"

"Wonderful," Burke said sincerely. He obviously was amused by the whole situation.

"Well, good." She turned back to her interns. "Alright, show's over. Let's move out." Everyone filed outside.

As they were moving to the next patient, Christina joined Meredith at the back of the line. Meredith looked at Christina who was frantically putting her hair into a bun. Christina glanced up at Meredith's amused expression and scowled. "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

xxx

Later that day, as Mrs. Brighton got her MRI, Derek and Meredith stood behind the computer, watching for any problem.

Derek pointed. "There it is. She's bleeding into her frontal lobe. Go prep an OR." Meredith nodded her head and hurried off. "And you may scrub in as well!" Derek called after her.

xxx

"Scalpel," Derek said, as he began the surgery. He turned to Meredith who was watching him intently. He paused. "Dr. Grey, how would you like to make the initial incision?"

"Seriously?" Meredith asked.

Derek chuckled. "Seriously." Meredith moved over, taking the scalpel. Derek stood behind her and pointed to spot on Mrs. Brighton's scalp. "You want to make the incision from here…" He moved his finger over slightly. "To here."

Meredith began to make the incision carefully. Derek leaned closer into her, breathing in her lavender scent. Meredith noticed this subtle movement and smiled to herself as she worked. When she had finished she handed the scalpel back to Derek and took her place nearby to observe.

"Excellent work, Dr. Grey," Derek said, his eyes twinkling.

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd."

Once they had finished the surgery, Meredith and Derek stood in the scrub room, washing their hands.

"That was amazing," Meredith said, smiling over at him. "As always."

Derek looked at her and grinned. Then he walked closer to her and leaned into her. She could feel his breath on her neck and she shivered slightly. He whispered softly into her ear, "On call room."

Twenty minutes later, Derek and Meredith were lying on a bed in the on call room, breathing heavily. Meredith was wrapped up in Derek arms, her head resting on his chest.

"I thought you said no sex," he said, highly amused.

"I forgot," she said, smiling.

"Of course you did."

She snuggled closer to him, wanting to be as close to him as possible. He always made her feel so safe, wrapped up in his arms. "I love you," she whispered softly.

He kissed her hair. "I love you too."

xxx

Later that day, George found Callie at the nurse's station. "There you are!" he said. She turned towards him and smiled. "I've been looking for you all day. Can we talk?"

"Sure," she said. They walked into an on call room together. She looked at him expectantly.

"There's something I have to say to you," George said.

"Okay," she said.

George looked at her. He opened his mouth. He closed it. He opened it again. "I…I…" He took a deep breath. "I love you." He smiled at her, his whole body relaxing. She smiled back. He walked over to her and kissed her.

xxx

Later that day, Christina went to see Burke in his room. He grinned at her when she walked in.

"That was an interesting start to the day," Burke said, highly amused.

Christina glared at him. "Yeah. Great. Now Bailey has another thing to hang over my head."

"Bailey likes you. She's thinks you're very talented."

Christina looked up. "Really? She said that?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Wow." Christina felt better knowing Bailey didn't hate her.

"C'mere," Burke said.

Christina walked over to his bed and leaned down and kissed him. Christina sighed, sitting down on his bed. "How are you feeling?" she asked, glancing at his hand. He flexed it. It looked better.

"I still get tremors sometimes," he said, frustrated.

"Have you told Derek?"

Burke looked at her. He was surgeon. How could he come to terms with having to give up what he loved? "No. I'll wait a little more to see if they go away."

Christina nodded. "Okay."

xxx

At home, Izzie was baking furiously. Baking always made her feel better. The kitchen was filled with muffins, cakes, cookies, and every other imaginable pastry. If she focused on a recipe and mixing and baking then her mind never wandered to Denny. Yesterday, she couldn't move. Now she couldn't sit still.

Izzie jumped when the kitchen door swung open and Alex came in carrying a bag. He sat down on a stool. "Hey," he said, eyeing the baked goods Izzie was obsessively producing. "I brought lunch."

Izzie glanced up. "Oh, thanks, but I'm not that hungry."

"It's your favorite," he said, dramatically pulling a ham sandwich out of the bag.

Izzie paused. "How do you know my favorite sandwich?" she asked eyeing him skeptically.

Alex looked at her as if the question was preposterous. "You eat this thing everyday at lunch."

"Oh yeah," Izzie said, before going back to work.

"Fine," Alex said. "Even if you don't want to eat, I'm still hungry." He pulled out his sandwich and took a huge bite, chewing loudly. Izzie glared at him. "Sowwy," he said, his mouth full. Izzie smiled. Alex grinned. He loved making her happy.

xxx

Meredith and Derek lay on the bed in the on call room. Meredith had fallen asleep curled up in Derek's arms and he had followed suit shortly there after, draping his arm across Meredith's stomach and pulling her against him. He loved holding her. He loved being surrounded by the scent of lavender as he dreamt. He just loved _her. _

Suddenly, Derek's pager went off and they were both jolted from sleep.

Derek groaned and looked at his pager. "Crap," he said. "911." They both got up off the bed and pulled on their scrubs. Once they were both dressed, Derek reached for the door, but paused and looked at Meredith. Her hair was slightly messy and her eyes were glassy from sleep, but she was still so beautiful to him.

"What?" Meredith asked, blushing slightly.

"Nothing," Derek said, pulling her against him. "I just love you so much." He kissed her deeply before turning the doorknob and walking outside.

xxx

That night, Christina, Meredith and George went for drinks after work. They sat at the bar and Joe's, just talking.

"I told Callie I loved her," George said triumphantly almost as soon as they sat down. Meredith looked over at him.

"That's great George," she said, genuinely happy for him.

"Thanks."

They both looked expectantly at Christina. She glanced at them. "What?" she asked, feigning innocence. "Fine. Congratulations."

"Thank you," George said, satisfied. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, sipping their drinks, until they heard Alex's voice behind them.

"Hey guys," he called walking over. They all turned around and, to their amazement saw Izzie following him.

"Hey Izzie!" they all said enthusiastically. She smiled at them. She still looked pale and drawn.

"Hey guys," she said, taking a seat next to Alex.

"You feeling better, Iz?" George asked.

"Sort of," Izzie said. "I needed to get out of the house."

"She was baking up a freakin' storm," Alex said.

"Oh, God. I'm gonna get fat," Meredith said.

Izzie laughed softly. She looked up and caught Meredith's eye. Meredith felt her heart ache as she looked into Izzie's eyes. She was truly empty. Denny's death had broken her. _What if Derek died? How could I survive if I lost him? _Her breath caught in her throat as she realized the truth: if Derek died, she would never be able to recover.

"Hey," Christina said, waving her hand in front of Meredith's face. "Earth to Meredith? Stop dreaming about McDreamy."

Meredith smiled slightly. "Sorry." She turned back to her friends. She grinned when something occurred to her: she had friends and they wouldn't let her stay broken. They were there for her. They would make sure she was all right. And she would make sure they were all right.


	4. Are You Happy?

The days past quickly after that night in the bar as everything slowly began to return to normal. Though Izzie still loved him with all her heart, the memory of Denny began to be less painful. Burke got discharged from the hospital, but wasn't yet cleared for surgery. The tremors still hadn't gone away. Alex was, well, Alex and George and Callie were still together. Derek and Meredith were still together and Meredith was trying to be more open. It was three weeks after prom when Derek arrived at Meredith's house. They were going to go out for drinks. He walked into the house and up the stairs. Meredith's bedroom door was open, so Derek walked in, but Meredith wasn't there.

He knocked on the bathroom door. "Meredith? You ready?"

Meredith opened the door. Worry immediately gripped Derek when he saw her pale face. "I don't feel very good," she said, leaning into him and resting her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her.

"You don't look very good," he said, concern lacing his voice.

She laughed softly. "Thanks." She pulled away from him. "I've been throwing up all day," she said. She walked over and sat on the bed. He squatted in front of her and felt her forehead. She leaned into his touch.

"You don't have a fever," he said, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She nodded. She looked exhausted. "Do you want to get under the covers," he asked. She nodded again and pulled back the covers before climbing in. He pulled the covers up to her chin and leaned down, kissing her forehead. He then moved to leave but she reached out and brushed his arm. "Don't leave," she said. He turned back to her and smiled.

"Okay," he said. He crawled onto the bed and got under the covers. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and gently pulled her against his body. She sighed.

"Thank you," she said, before drifting off to sleep.

xxx

The next day Meredith felt a little better and she waved it off as a stomach bug. She bumped into Derek around lunchtime and he pulled her aside.

"You feeling better?" he asked, reaching up and stroking her cheek with his thumb.

Meredith smiled up at him. "Yeah," she said. "And thank you again for staying with me last night."

He grinned. "It was my pleasure."

She laughed at him. "So I'll see you later maybe?"

"See you later definitely." He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, before they went their separate ways.

xxx

Christina located Meredith in the locker room later that day. She walked across the room and sat down next to her on the bench.

"Do you want to go see a movie tonight?" Christina asked. "I have to get out of the house. Burke is doing surgery on chicken."

Meredith looked over at her and smirked. "Yeah, sure. Just come over and we can drive together."

xxx

"You ready to go?" Christina asked, walking into Meredith's bedroom.

"One sec." Meredith's voice came from the bathroom. Christina walked over to the bathroom and leaned into it slightly.

"You okay, Mer?"

The door opened and a very pale Meredith emerged. She leaned against the doorframe. "I feel like crap. Again."

"You look like crap."

Meredith glared at Christina and walked across the room and sat on the bed. "I'm worried. This is the second day in a row that I've been puking my guts out."

"Don't worry. It's probably just a bug," Christina said.

"I don't think it's a bug." Christina swiveled around and looked at Meredith carefully.

"What do you mean?" Suddenly it dawned on her. "Holy crap! Are you pregnant?"

"I don't know. I can't be, can I?" Meredith groaned and fell backwards onto the bed. "God, that would suck."

Christina sat down next to Meredith. "Do you feel pregnant?" Christina asked.

Meredith looked up at her, scowling. "What kind of a question is that?" Christina only shrugged. Meredith grimaced and glanced away from Christina. "I am late."

Christina scoffed. "You're gonna have a McBaby."

"Shut up."

"Have you told Derek?"

"No."

"Shouldn't you?"

"You didn't tell Burke," Meredith pointed out, sitting up and running her hands through her hair.

"That was different."

"How?" Meredith asked reasonably. "How was that different?"

Christina looked annoyed. "It just was." She glanced down. "I would've liked to have had someone there…with me."

"I was with you," Meredith said.

Christina turned and looked at her. "You were my person, you had to be there."

Meredith nodded. She understood. "I know. You wanted Burke."

Christina nodded slightly. "You should tell him."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Meredith got up and grabbed her coat. "Let's go." Christina got up and followed Meredith out to the car.

xxx

When Meredith got home that night she plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV, but she wasn't paying attention to the show that flickered in front of her. _I'm pregnant_, she thought. _I'm pregnant with Derek's child. Oh my God. _Subconsciously, her hand traveled to her stomach. _Oh my God. _

Just then there was a knock at the door. Meredith, pulled from her thoughts, got up and answered it. It was Derek. She smiled at him and opened the door.

"Hey," she said. He walked inside and kissed her softly. She smiled against his lips. "What are you doing here?" she asked, pulling away ever so slightly.

"I missed you," he said.

"You saw me four hours ago."

"Exactly," he said as he leaned in and captured her lips again. She giggled. They kissed a little more in the foyer until George came down the steps and coughed loudly. They pulled apart. Meredith looked up at him. Derek saw something flash through her eyes, some emotion he couldn't recognize, but in a split second it was gone. He studied her carefully. "You okay?" he asked gently.

She nodded. "I just haven't been feeling too good today."

Derek's face immediately clouded with worry. "What's wrong?"

Meredith looked up at him and her eyes glazed over with that emotion again. What was it? Guilt? Sadness? "Just tired," she said.

He nodded. "Okay, let's go upstairs."

They walked up the stairs and into Meredith's bedroom. Meredith climbed onto the bed and under the covers. Derek leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Hold me," she whispered. "Please."

His face softened. "Always." He climbed under the covers and wrapped her up in his arms, holding her tightly until she drifted off to sleep.

xxx

Derek woke up in the middle of the night to find that Meredith wasn't in the bed. He got up and walked over to the bathroom door, knocking softly. "Mer?" he called quietly. He could hear her moving around inside.

A few seconds later, the door to the bathroom opened and Meredith walked out, looking very pale.

"You okay?" Derek asked.

"I'm fine," Meredith said softly. Derek reached out and brushed a strand of hair off her face; she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes. He smiled at her and pulled her into a hug. She sighed softly, wrapping her arms around him and leaning against his chest. "Um, Derek?" Meredith said into his shirt.

"Yeah?" he said.

"I have to tell you something."

"Okay," he answered, but when he pulled away slightly and looked into her eyes, he saw worry filling them. "What's wrong?" She pulled away from him and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge and studying her feet. He walked over and squatted in front of her. "What is it?" he asked. He reached out and lifted her chin with his finger. She looked at him. He could see the fear in her eyes. He leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips. "You can tell me."

She glanced away from him. "I'm pregnant." She said it softly, timidly.

Derek's heart leapt in his chest. "Pregnant?" he asked breathlessly. She still wouldn't look at him. When he didn't say anything more her heart constricted in her chest. Thoughts flew through her head. _He doesn't want it. He is angry. I'm gonna have to do this alone_. _Alone._ Finally, she glanced up at him.

"Are you happy?" she asked, chewing her bottom lip.

He smiled at her. "Of course I'm happy, Mer. Why wouldn't I be?" She looked up at him helplessly. He had never seen her this vulnerable.

"I don't know. We weren't planning this…and…you might've been…" she trailed off, glancing away from him. "You might've been mad."

"Meredith." She looked back up at him. "I love you. Nothing would make me happier than starting a family with you." There were tears glistening in his eyes. She leaned into him and he wrapped her up in his arms.

"I love you too," she said. He pulled away and kissed her softly on the lips.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked. She nodded and they both got onto the bed and under the covers. Derek wrapped his arm around her stomach protectively, pulling her into his body.

"Hey, Derek?" Meredith said sleepily right before they drifted off.

"Hmm?" Derek said.

"I'm happy too." Derek smiled and kissed her neck. She leaned into his touch as inane joy filled her heart.


	5. If You Ever Need Anything

Meredith woke up the next morning and smiled. She snuggled against Derek who had his arm draped across her stomach. He opened his eyes and smiled. "Morning," he whispered into her ear. She turned in his arms so that she was facing him and kissed him softly. "Morning," she said, smiling.

Derek kissed her on the lips and then moved down her body, kissing her neck and breasts through her thin shirt. He then moved down to her stomach. He lifted her shirt slightly and kissed her bare stomach tenderly. "And good morning to you too," he said. Her heart swelled with love for him. She wanted to be nearer to him. As if reading her mind, he moved back up her body and pulled her close to him. He kissed her hair and breathed in the scent of lavender. "You ready to get up?" he asked.

"No," she said into his chest. She didn't want to leave the safe harbor of his arms. She felt so safe, so at peace when she was this close to him.

He chuckled softly. "Okay, we can sleep in." She looked up at him. She hadn't expected that response.

"What about work?" she asked.

"I'm pretty sure all will be forgiven when you tell Bailey you're pregnant." She smiled at him and kissed him.

"I like the way you think," she said before plopping her head back on his chest and falling asleep.

xxx

Meredith and Derek arrived at the hospital hand in hand around noon and it wasn't long until Meredith spotted Bailey striding her way.

"Well look who decided to show up," Bailey said, assuming her imposing posture, hand on hip, head cocked to the side.

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey," Meredith said. "We got distracted."

Bailey crossed her arms. "Really?"

Meredith suddenly realized how it sounded. "Oh no! Not by that. We weren't…you know…we weren't doing…that…" Meredith stammered, embarrassed. Derek chuckled beside her. "It's something…else." She glanced over at Derek for help. He smiled at her and then turned to Bailey.

"We have some news, Dr. Bailey," Derek said. Bailey looked from one to the other expectantly.

"I'm, uh…I'm…" Derek squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I'm pregnant," Meredith finished.

Bailey eyed both of them carefully. She uncrossed her arms. "Okay. Get to work Dr. Grey," she said. Meredith smiled and began to walk towards the locker room. "Oh and, Dr. Grey?" Meredith turned around and faced Bailey again. "If you need anything…well, I'm here."

"Thank you Dr. Bailey." Meredith turned around and walked towards the locker room. Just as she reached it, she felt Derek's hand on her shoulder. She turned around and he immediately kissed her. She smiled against his lips and leaned into him. When they pulled apart, Derek smiled down at her. "Have a nice day," he said.

She smiled at him. "I will."

"And be careful," he said. He placed his hand on her stomach. She put her hands on top of his.

"I will," she said.

"Good."

When Derek had left, Christina appeared at her side, eating an apple. "So you told him," she said. Meredith had been watching Derek walk away, dreamy-eyed and in love. Christina glanced at her. "Oh God, please stop. You're making me sick."

Meredith turned to Christina and scowled. "What?"

"You were getting all lovey-dovey on me," Christina said cynically.

"I was not getting lovey dovey," Meredith said, walking into the locker room.

"You totally were," Christina said, pointing her apple at Meredith.

"So what?" Meredith said, slightly annoyed.

Christina looked at her, as if studying her. "I don't know…I guess you're just not Meredith without the dark and twisty."

"I have left dark and twisty behind," Meredith declared. Christina shook her head slightly, taking a very big bite of apple and chewing loudly. "From now on, I'm gonna be bright and shiny."

"Shame," Christina said.

Meredith elbowed her. "Hey, you have to love me no matter what. You're my person."

"Yeah, yeah," Christina said, but she was smiling.

xxx

That afternoon, Izzie showed up at the hospital. Christina and Meredith spotted her and walked over.

"Hey, Iz," Meredith said. "What are you doing here?"

"I've got a meeting with the chief," Izzie said, her eyes gleaming.

"Are you coming back?" Meredith asked hopefully.

Izzie smiled. "I might be."

"See," Christina said. "I told you she wouldn't be able to go more than a month without cutting someone open, dead fiancé or not."

Izzie glared at Christina. "I probably won't be cutting anybody open for a very long time. Which sucks, but whatever, I'm trying to be optimistic."

"Oh God, not you too," Christina said.

Izzie glanced at her questioningly. "What?"

Christina pointed at Meredith accusingly. "Meredith's all bright and shiny now."

Izzie eyed Meredith carefully. "I don't know…" Izzie said doubtfully.

"What?" Meredith said. "Now you don't think I can pull off bright and shiny either?"

"You're Meredith," Izzie explained. "Dark and twisty goes with the territory."

"Oh, look who's talking! Miss I-lay-on-the- bathroom-floor-for-two-days-because-Denny-died!" Meredith pointed at Izzie. "_You_ are dark and twisty my friend." Christina and Izzie both looked at Meredith skeptically. Meredith raised her shoulders in frustration, but then suddenly declared, "Wait!" Something had occurred to her. "Izzie doesn't know the reason why I'm bright and shiny."

Christina sighed. "Not like it's gonna make a difference."

Meredith glared at Christina. "This is Izzie we're talking about, Christina."

"So?" Christina said.

"She loves babies," Meredith pointed out before turning back to Izzie whose mouth was hanging open slightly.

"Babies?" she asked.

Meredith smiled, her eyes shining. "I'm pregnant."

Izzie squealed in delight before crushing Meredith in a hug. "Oh my God, Mer!" she exclaimed happily. When she pulled away she saw tears glistening in Meredith's eyes. "Oh my God , I think I'm gonna cry," Izzie said.

"Oh Jesus," Christina said.

Izzie took Meredith's hand. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Iz," Meredith said.

Izzie glanced at her watch. "Crap I'm gonna be late." She began to walk away but called over her shoulder, "Bright and shiny looks good on you, Mer!"

Meredith turned triumphantly to Christina. "Ha! In your face!"

Christina glared at Meredith. "Fine." She turned and walked away, but Meredith followed.

"Ha!" Meredith said again, before they rounded the corner.

xxx

Izzie arrived in the chief's office and took a seat, her face solemn.

"Stevens," the chief said.

"Hi, Dr. Webber."

"It's good to see you in this hospital again," the chief said sincerely.

"Really?" Izzie said, looking up hopefully at the chief. "It is?"

"It is," the chief said.

Izzie grinned, wanting to laugh out loud with joy, but she quickly caught herself. "Well, uh, it's good to be back, sir."

The chief smiled. "Okay, let's cut to the chase. Do you want to rejoin the internship program here at Seattle Grace?"

Izzie nodded. "I really do."

"Okay," the chief said. He leaned back in his chair. "Now, you understand that if you were to return, you would be under very strict probation, right?" Izzie nodded. "You wouldn't hold a scalpel for a very long time." Izzie nodded. "Okay then. You may return."

Izzie smiled happily. "Thank you so much, chief."

The chief smiled at her, but his face became serious as he began explaining the conditions of Izzie's return. "You may only observe. You are not to be left alone with a patient. You will shadow a fellow intern everyday. You will attend peer to peer counseling three times a week. If any of these terms are broken, there will be very strict punishment. Is that understood?" Izzie nodded enthusiastically. Dr Webber stood up and offered his hand. Izzie shook it, unable to wipe the smile from her face. "Welcome back Dr. Stevens."

xxx

Just after Izzie left, Meredith appeared in the door to Dr. Webber's office. He looked up at her smiling. She smiled back. "Uh, can I talk to you?" she asked.

He nodded. "Come on in."

Meredith walked into the chief's office and sat down. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. She had asked to talk to him. Finally she looked up at him and drew a long breath.

"Chief," she said. "I have something to tell you."

"Yes?" he said, folding his hands in front of him. He saw how hesitant she was, almost scared. "What is it, Meredith?"

"I'm pregnant," she blurted out, looking away from him.

Something along the lines protectiveness jumped into the chief's eyes. Meredith smiled slightly. "Pregnant," the chief said softly, almost as if he was testing it out. "Huh."

"You okay?" Meredith asked.

He looked at her from across his desk. "Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"I'm fine," Meredith said, an uncontrollable grin spreading across her face. "I'm great. I mean except for the morning sickness, but other than that…you know…I happy." Her eyes glistened. She wouldn't cry in front of him, even if they were tears of happiness. She couldn't. His face softened slightly.

"Is Derek the father?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, he is."

The chief smiled. "Well then, congratulations." Meredith smiled up at him as he got up from his chair and came around the desk. He opened his arms and Meredith hugged him.

"Thank you," she said. "For everything."


	6. I Will Never Leave You

Later that day, Meredith and Derek stood in an OR. Derek was removing a brain tumor from the frontal lobe of a patient. Meredith was watching intently. Suddenly, a wave of nausea hit Meredith. She closed her eyes, willing it to go away. She took deep breaths and looked towards the ceiling. Then, just as the wave of nausea passed, Meredith began to feel faint. She swayed slightly, trying to keep her balance.

Derek immediately looked up with worry when Meredith began to sway. He knew something was wrong. "Is everything alright, Dr. Grey?" he asked, pausing in his surgery.

Meredith struggled to focus on his question as her head swam. "Yeah…I'm fine." Derek looked at her for a second longer, before resuming his work. But as soon as Derek looked away, Meredith felt faint again. She closed her eyes as the room fell out of focus and she sank to the floor. Derek immediately looked up, worry and fear clouding his face. He wanted to rush to her, but his patient's brain was still exposed.

"Somebody help her!" Derek commanded forcefully. The doctors and interns present immediately rushed to her side. "Get a gurney in here!"

Dr. Bailey and George who had been observing the surgery rushed out of the gallery and into the OR. As soon as a gurney arrived Meredith was lifted onto it and wheeled out into the hallway.

As they rushed down the hall, Bailey instructed George. "Find Addison Montgomery immediately."

"Dr. Montgomery?" George asked.

"Yes, George."

"But Meredith isn't…" Bailey glared at George and it dawned on him. "Right away, Dr. Bailey," George said. He turned and ran down the hall in search of Dr. Montgomery. Finally he found her at the nurse's station.

"Dr. Montgomery!" George called when he saw her.

Addison turned towards him. "Yes, Dr O'Malley?"

"We need you downstairs immediately. Meredith collapsed," George explained.

"So why do you need me?" Addison replied.

George shifted uncomfortably. "Ummm, well, she's…"

Suddenly, Addison understood. "Okay then. Let's go."

xxx

A few minutes later, Addison was performing an ultrasound on Meredith. Meredith had regained consciousness, though she was still a little groggy. Addison squirted the gel onto Meredith's stomach and moved the wand across her stomach. Addison listened intently for a heart beat. Meredith waited anxiously. Finally, the sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room. Meredith relaxed. Addison turned to her and smiled.

"Your baby's fine," she said, reassuringly, grabbing Meredith's hand briefly. "The heartbeat does sound a little weak so you have to stay on bed rest for the rest of the day."

"Thank you, Dr. Montgomery," Meredith said sincerely.

"No problem," Addison replied. "I'll be back to check on you later." Addison walked out the door.

Meredith turned to Bailey. "Where's Derek?" she asked. Though she usually called him Dr. Shepherd in the hospital, at that moment, he was not Dr. Shepherd to her, he was Derek. He was the one person who could make her feel better, who she needed in this moment.

"He's still in surgery," Bailey said gently.

Meredith let her head fall back onto the pillow. Tears fell from the corners of her eyes and ran down her face. "I really want to see him," Meredith said. Meredith was embarrassed by the desperation in her voice, but for some reason her need for him was overwhelming in that moment.

"He'll come as soon as he is finished," Bailey said reassuringly. Meredith nodded slightly, but the tears kept falling.

"I just…I really…want…him," Meredith said quietly.

"Meredith," Derek said, appearing in the doorway. Meredith looked up at the sound of his voice.

Bailey smiled and left the room with one last squeeze of Meredith's hand. Derek took her place beside Meredith's bed. Meredith looked up at him.

"Derek…" she said helplessly. "I was…I was so scared. I was so scared that we had lost it…" The tears came again. Derek couldn't stand to see her cry. He climbed onto the bed next to her and wrapped her up in his arms. She laid her head on his chest, her sobs slowly subsiding.

"Shhh," Derek said softly. "It's okay. Everything's okay." Meredith nodded against his chest. "I love you, Meredith."

"I love you too," Meredith said softly. She closed her eyes and he tightened his grasp around her until she fell asleep.

xxx

Derek, who had eventually drifted off as well, was awoken by Addison coming into the room. He looked up at her and smiled. Meredith still slept soundly, curled up in Derek's arms.

"How long has she been sleeping?" Addison whispered.

Derek glanced at his watch. "Um, almost two hours," he said softly.

Addison nodded slightly. "That's good." An awkward silence fell between the two. "Derek," Addison said suddenly. He looked up at her. "You know, she's going through a lot right now. Her hormones are crazy, she'll be exhausted…" Derek nodded. "Just, don't take anything too personally. Her temper might be short at times, but in the long run she'll want you there."

Derek nodded again. Meredith snuggled closer to Derek in her sleep, sighing slightly. Derek hugged her closer. Addison smiled and then turned to leave, but she paused in the doorway. "Just…" Addison hesitated, looking him in the eye. "Just don't hurt her."

Derek studied Addison, wondering where this was coming from. "I won't," he said sincerely. Addison nodded and disappeared around the corner.

xxx

Meredith woke up in the middle of the night. She smiled. Derek hadn't left her. She leaned forward and kissed his jaw softly. His stubble tickled her lips and she giggled. At the sound of her laugh he woke up and leaned down, kissing her on the lips softly.

Meredith looked up at him, her face suddenly serious. "What's wrong?" he asked, immediately worried.

"I'm really, really hungry," she said, before dissolving into giggles. He chuckled softly.

"What can I get for you?" he asked, rolling off the bed.

She thought for a moment. "Dark chocolate. And pickles. Oh, and a hot dog." He laughed.

"Seriously?" he asked, slightly taken aback by her choice of food.

"Seriously," she said.

"Anything to drink?" he asked.

"Ummm…Orange juice. And hot chocolate!"

Derek shook his head slightly. "Whatever you want," he said before walking out of the room.

Meredith smiled to herself when he left. She placed her hand on her stomach. "Yes, Daddy is going to get us food. You know, we love you so much. We can't wait to meet you," she said to her stomach. Then she sat up as a new craving hit her. "Oh, I should've asked him to get pizza. That sounds really good…" Meredith glanced up to see Christina, Izzie, George and Alex all standing in the doorway. They all burst into laughter.

Meredith smiled up at them as they entered the room. "What?"

"Wow, Mer," Christina said. "This bright and shiny thing is really getting out of hand."

"Dude, you were talking to yourself," Alex said, plopping into a chair.

"I wasn't talking to myself," Meredith said defensively. "I was talking to the baby."

"That thing is like a peanut at this point," Alex said.

Izzie glared at him. "Shut up, Alex. Peanut or not, it's still is a human being."

"Uh-huh," Alex said.

"I think it's cute," George said.

"Of course you would, Bambi," Christina said.

George frowned. "I don't like you." Christina smirked at him.

"So," Izzie said excitedly, "Have you thought of any names?"

Meredith smiled. "No, not really."

"Well that's okay, because I brought…" She pulled a book from behind her back. "The Big Book of Baby Names!"

Alex guffawed. "You would totally do something like that, Iz."

"Psht. She doesn't need that," George said. "George for a boy and Georgia for a girl."

Meredith laughed at George. "I refuse to name my child after a state. Plus, Bailey already named her child after you."

"That was the middle name. No one cares about the middle name," George said.

"Oh poor you," Christina said. "At least Bailey likes you."

"How could she not?" Alex said. "He's Bambi."

George glared at him. "I'm not Bambi."

"Dude, you so are," Alex said, shaking his head.

Izzie, who had been flipping through the book, suddenly said, "Oh, what about Lola!"

Meredith looked at her skeptically. "Lola. As in "she walked like a woman and talked like a man"?"

"That's just a song."

"Yeah, a song about a woman who wanted to sleep with a lot guys," Meredith said. "Anyway, we don't even know if it's gonna be a girl."

"Yeah, but if it's a boy," Alex said. "You should name it after yours truly." He pointed at himself and Izzie glared at him.

"She is not gonna name her child after you, Alex," Izzie said.

"Evil Spawn," Christina grumbled.

"Come on! Alex is a great name!"

"George is better," said George.

Meredith sighed and fell back onto her pillow. "You guys are so annoying," she said, but she was smiling. She sat back up. "What if I name it Lola Christina Isabel George Alex Grey. How's that?"

"Hey, don't I get a say in this?" Derek said, walking in carrying Meredith's food.

Meredith looked up at him. "No you don't," Meredith said seriously, but she couldn't keep a straight face.

Derek smiled at her and carried over her food. Meredith was about to dig in when she looked up and found everybody staring at her. "Jeez, you guys," she said. They all laughed.

"Sorry," Izzie said. "Anyway, we should probably go before Bailey has a cow."

"Wait why would Bailey care if you were gone?" Meredith said. Suddenly, she smiled. "Are you coming back?"

Izzie grinned. "Yup," she said. "But I'm on like insanely strict probation. I probably won't touch a scalpel until I'm like eighty, but whatever."

Meredith smiled. "Welcome back."

"Thanks." They all smiled at Izzie and then turned to leave.

"See you guys later," Meredith called, before shoving half of her hot dog in her mouth. Meredith looked up to see Derek looking at her. "Wha?" she said, her mouth full.

"Nothing," he said before sitting down on a chair and propping his feet up on her bed. "Absolutely nothing." He picked up a magazine and began to read it, flipping through the pages casually.

She glared at him. "You're annoying."

He looked up at her, feigning innocence. "What did I do?" he asked.

"Oh nothing," she said, leaning back casually. "Absolutely nothing." She smiled mischievously at him and he chuckled, his eyes twinkling.

"You are…" he began, getting up from his chair. "So adorable that I just can't take it." He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. When he pulled away she was smiling up at him, but tears glistened in her eyes. He brushed a strand of hair out of her face. "What's wrong?"

She shrugged slightly. "Hormones I guess," she said.

"Is that all?" he asked, concerned.

She looked up at him and shook her head. "No," she said honestly.

"What is it?" he asked.

She looked down at her hands. "You're just so…perfect. You're saying all these perfect things and doing all these perfect things, and I…" she trailed off looking away from him. "You're going to be a great father," she said, her voice shaking slightly.

"And you're going to be a great mother," Derek said, reaching up and stroking her cheek softly. She nodded slightly and then looked back up at Derek.

"I'm scared," she said, tears threatening to fall. "I'm so scared, Derek."

His heart ached. He couldn't stand to see her so broken up. He wished that he could make all of her fears go away. He climbed onto the bed and lay behind her, wrapping his arm around her stomach and pulling her into him. She leaned against him, taking comfort in him. Just him. His arms. His voice. His smell. "Everything is going to be okay," he whispered into her ear. "I'll never leave you. I'll be by your side throughout this whole pregnancy."

She nodded. "You will won't you?"

"I'll never leave you," he repeated. "I love you and I know that you will be a great mother."

She shut her eyes, wanting to believe him. "There you go being all perfect again," she said, smiling slightly.

"I can't help it," he said.

She laughed softly and leaned back further into his body. He leaned down and kissed her neck softly before pressing his face into her hair and breathing in softly. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," she said, and with that they both fell asleep.


	7. You're Just So Beautiful

Derek and Meredith woke up the next morning when Addison walked into the room. "Morning," she said.

"Morning," Meredith and Derek said groggily. Derek kissed Meredith on the cheek before getting up off the bed.

"How is everything, Meredith?" Addison said, her eyes skimming her chart. "Any pain? Dizziness?"

"No," Meredith said. "Everything is good."

"Well that's good news," Addison said, glancing up from the chart and smiling.

"Can I go back to work?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Addison replied. "You can, but take it easy, okay? No more collapsing in the middle of surgery."

Meredith laughed softly. "Okay, I promise."

"Okay, well unless you have any questions, you're free to go," Addison said.

Derek grabbed Meredith's hand and smiled down at her. "Thanks Addison," he said.

"No problem," she replied, before exiting the room.

xxx

Later that day, Meredith and Derek lay side by side on a bed in the on call room. Derek's hand rested on Meredith's stomach, stroking it softly.

"Hey, Derek?" Meredith asked.

"Mmmhmm," Derek replied languidly.

"What do we do now?" she asked.

He looked up at her. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Meredith was silent for a moment, remembering Christina's words. _I would've liked to have had someone there…with me. _"I want you to be there," Meredith said softly. "For everything."

"Mer," Derek replied. "I will be, don't worry."

Meredith shook her head. "No, I mean…I want you there when I wake up. I want you there when I go to sleep. I want you there when the baby kicks for the first time. I just want you to be _there._"

Derek was grinning down at her, his eyes twinkling with an idea. "Do you want to move in together?" he asked.

Meredith looked into his eyes. _I will never leave you. _"Yes." Derek's heart leapt in his chest. He leaned down and kissed her fiercely. She smiled against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes and she smiled up at him. _How did I get so lucky? _She thought to herself as he wrapped her up in his arms, kissed her on the forehead and whispered how much he loved her into her ear.

xxx 

Christina went home that night to find Burke sitting on the couch, his head bowed. She walked further into the room, studying him. He didn't look up at her. She walked over and sat down next to him on the couch. He lifted his hand and she looked over at him. He turned his head towards her, and to her surprise, the corners of his mouth were curved up slightly. He looked into her eyes. "They stopped."

She glanced down at his hand. "What?"

"They stopped," he repeated. "The tremors stopped."

Christina opened her mouth slightly, relief flooding through. "Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded slightly. "I haven't felt them in two days." His smile was broad now. "And I just performed surgery on a chicken without any problems."

They both laughed, even though the joke wasn't terribly funny. Christina leaned her head on his chest. "I'm so happy."

He kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

xxx

Derek and Meredith arrived at Meredith's house that night and walked inside. Almost as soon as they were inside, Derek pulled Meredith into his body, kissing her tenderly. She giggled against his lips, pulling back slightly. "What was that for?" she asked.

Derek smiled his McDreamy smile. She could've sworn she felt herself go weak in the knees. It was a mighty good thing his arms were wrapped around her. "Nothing," he said his voice husky. "You're just so beautiful."

Meredith laughed. "Oh yeah, I bet I look ravishing after three days of morning sickness."

He pulled her closer to him. "Actually," he said, "on the contrary." He leaned down and brushed her lips softly with his. She looked at him, wanting, needing more. It was amazing what he did to her. "You are glowing," he finished, bending down and kissing her fiercely. She sighed into his mouth. They kissed for a few more minutes until Meredith's stomach growled. They pulled apart, laughing.

"Somebody's hungry," Derek said, placing his hands on her stomach. She smiled up at him. "I'll make some dinner."

Meredith nodded and leaned up, giving him a quick kiss. "Thanks." Derek grinned and walked into the kitchen. Meredith smiled to herself as she went into the living room and sat on the sofa. She wanted to watch TV, but couldn't find the clicker. She stuck her hand under the cushions and began to search there. Suddenly, her fingers brushed over something that felt like a photograph. She pulled it out and looked at it. It was a picture of her and her parents, Ellis and Thatch, standing in front of a pine tree in a park. She was sitting on Thatch's shoulders, laughing as Thatch grinned broadly at the camera. Meredith then glanced at her mom. She was off to the side, in the shadows. She had her arms crossed over her chest and she was frowning, her features dark, her face drawn. Meredith suddenly felt an ache within her chest. _What if I turn out like her? What if I turn out like my mother? What if I screw up my child? _Her hand subconsciously traveled to her stomach and she sank to the floor, breathing heavily.

Suddenly, she heard the kitchen door open. Derek walked into the living room and found Meredith on the floor, leaning against the couch and struggling to breathe. He immediately rushed to her side. "Mer?" he said, trying to get her attention. "Meredith?"

She turned and looked at him helplessly. "I can't…I don't…I can't…do…this," she said her chest rising and falling unevenly.

"Meredith, I need you to breathe. I need you to breathe, Mer," he said gently. She looked up at him, tears brimming in her eyes.

"Derek…I can't…I…just can't…Derek…please…" she was sobbing now, her breath coming in gasps.

Derek's chest constricted in fear. He needed to help her. He moved behind her and sat down, wrapping his arms around her stomach. She leaned against him, resting her head on his chest. She closed her eyes and felt his chest rise and fall with each of his breaths. Slowly, her sobs subsided and her breathing returned to normal. Derek sighed in relief and leaned into her hair, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of lavender. "Oh, Mer," he said, his voice pained.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said quietly.

Derek hadn't expected that. "Why are you sorry?" he asked gently.

"For freaking out," she said softly. "For scaring you."

"What happened?" he said.

"I found this," Meredith explained, leaning forward slightly and picking up the photograph off the table, before settling back against him. Derek looked at the photo. "What if I turn out like her, Derek? What if I screw up our child?"

He could hear the genuine fear in her voice. "Oh, Mer," he said wanting to make all of her fears go away. "You are nothing like your mother. You are a kind, beautiful and caring woman. You are going to make a wonderful mother." He put the photo down and placed his hands on her stomach again. "Of this, I am sure."

She turned slightly in his arms, so that she could see his face. She stared into his eyes. God, he was so wonderful. She leaned forward slightly and kissed him on the lips. "I love you," she said breathlessly.

"I love you too," he said, smiling slightly. She smiled, her eyes beginning to twinkle slightly. He loved making her happy.


	8. I Had A Feeling

The next day when Meredith and Derek arrived at the hospital, something seemed off. Meredith turned to Derek who was frowning slightly, his brow furrowed. He had noticed too. They began to walk down the hall. Nothing seemed out of place. Nothing really seemed different, and yet...something was off. The whole hospital seemed subdued. She remembered the day the bomb went off. She had had a feeling then, and now she felt it again. That sinking feeling in her stomach. Meredith suddenly felt deeply exhausted. She tugged on Derek's hand. They came to a stop in the hall and Meredith pulled him off to the side.

"I feel strange," Meredith told him.

He was immediately worried. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Meredith said. "It's just...I have a feeling."

Derek's face immediately darkened. He remembered too. "I know what you mean." He glanced up and down the silent hallway. "Something seems off." Just then the chief walked around the corner. Derek called out to him, "Chief..."

"Quiet board," the chief said, pausing and glancing at Derek and Meredith. "There's a quiet board. Last time there was a quiet board, the whole west surgical wing was blown to pieces." Derek reached down and squeezed Meredith's hand. "I do not like quiet boards." With that the chief strode off in the other direction.

Derek looked down at Meredith. She looked so tired. It was almost as if these memories were too heavy to deal with. He wanted to hold her. He opened his arms and she leaned into him, closing her eyes and breathing in deeply. She wanted to stay like this all day, but just then it seemed as if the hospital burst into activity. Sirens began to wail. The nurses began to scurry around. Attendings began to shout to the residents. Residents began to shout to the interns. And then Derek and Meredith's pagers went off. They both glanced down, pulling away from each other. 911.

Meredith arrived at the ER along with Christina, George, Izzie and Alex. Bailey walked over to them and began shouting orders.

"Yang, ambulance one! Grey, number two! Karev deal with the people already in the ER! And George come with me!" she began to walk away but Izzie called out to her.

"Uh, Dr. Bailey! What should I do?" Bailey glanced back at Izzie.

"Just, uh, observe Karev, Stevens." Izzie's shoulders sank. She turned to Alex and gave a faint smile.

Meredith and Christina headed outside to greet the ambulances. Two patients emerged from the ambulances. The EMT from each ambulance began talking simultaneously.

"Patient, 34, found collapsed in her house by a neighbor. Was complaining of…"

"…shortness of breath and dizziness. It appears that a rash covers over…"

"…two thirds of the patient's body. She also has an…"

"…extremely high fever at about 104."

Meredith and Christina glanced at each other. Their patients' symptoms were almost identical. Christina motioned towards the two women. "Are these two patients related at all? Do they live near each other?" The EMTs both shook their heads. Christina glanced back up at Meredith, her eyes filled with fear. "Okay, well let's get them into trauma one and two."

They wheeled the patients into the hospital towards the trauma rooms. As they rushed past nurses and doctors, Meredith heard snippets of conversations. _All the same…identical symptoms…epidemic…she just died…_ Meredith's chest constricted in fear. _Oh God, oh God, oh, God…_she thought to herself. _I had a feeling._

She wheeled her patient into trauma two. Meredith glanced at her chart. Her name was Martha.

"Martha? Martha?" Meredith asked. Martha seemed barely conscious. "Martha, can you hear me? Can you follow my finger?" She moved her finger between her eyes. Martha didn't respond. Suddenly, she went into v-fib. "Paddles!" Meredith said. A nurse handed them to her. "Charge to 300!"

"Charged," a nurse called from behind her.

"Clear!" Meredith pressed the paddles against Martha's chest and sent the charge of electricity through her. Her heart rate still didn't change. "Charge to 350! Clear!" Still Martha's heart rate didn't change. Meredith put aside the paddles and began manual compressions.

xxx

"Clear!" Christina called as she shocked her patient who had recently flat lined. She glanced up at the monitor. Nothing. "Charge to 350! Clear!" Still no response. Christina began CPR. "What is going on?" Christina said under her breath.

xxx

"Dr. Grey?" Meredith was performing CPR on Martha, counting under her breath. "Dr. Grey?"

"What?" Meredith said sternly.

"She's been down twenty minutes." Meredith glanced up at the nurse and slowly stopped compressions. She took off her gloves and threw them in the trash. "Call it," she said as she exited the room.

xxx

"Time of death, 8:33," Christina said quietly. She took off her gloves and walked out of the trauma room. She saw Meredith sitting out in the hallway, leaning against the wall. She walked over and sat down next to her. They could hear the chaos of the ER nearby.

"She just died," Meredith said. "Who dies from a rash and dizziness?"

Christina looked over at her. There was no answer. It didn't make sense. Suddenly, Izzie rushed by headed towards the ER. "Have you guys seen the ER?" Izzie said. The look on her face made Meredith's dread grow. "It's packed." Izzie looked almost confused. "And they all have the same thing."

Meredith and Christina got up and followed Izzie. They arrived in the ER. It was true. Sick, feverish, coughing patients surrounded Meredith. It was almost too much to bear. She watched as three dead patients were covered up and wheeled away. They were dying all around her. Her hand subconsciously traveled to her stomach. Christina noticed this subtle movement and walked over to Meredith. "Hey, maybe you shouldn't be here," she said gently.

Meredith looked over at her. "How can I not be here?" Meredith asked.

"Meredith," Christina said in an almost pleading voice. "We don't know how contagious this is. We don't know how dangerous this is…" But even as she said it, they both knew. Whatever this disease was, it was deadly. "Please, just do this. For me." Meredith looked at Christina and nodded slightly. Christina relaxed. "I'll see you in a little bit." But it was doubtful.

Meredith exited the ER and went into the nearest on call room. She leaned against the door and slid to the floor. Uncontrollable tears shook her. Derek was still out there. Derek could still get it. Then something suddenly occurred to her. _They all could still get it_. Having a door between her and the sickness wasn't miraculously going to protect her. She had to do something. She got up, exited the on call room and walked towards the chief's office.

The chief was talking on the phone when Meredith got there. Meredith felt a pang of sadness as she looked at the chief. He looked so old. His face was drawn. His wrinkles were deep. He glanced up at her and held up a finger, signaling her to wait. Meredith stood in the door, waiting. Finally, the chief put down the phone. He looked up at Meredith his face tired.

"No one knows what's happening," the chief said, his voice weary.

"Is there a cure?" Meredith asked hopefully.

"Not at this point." The chief glanced down at the papers on his desk.

"Where did this come from?" Meredith asked. "They're dying right and left."

"I know, I know," the chief said, nodding. "I don't know."

"How many people?" Meredith asked, her voice cracking.

"It's already infected half of Seattle. So many people have died…"

Meredith felt numb. She was beyond fear or even sadness at this point. "What can I do?"

The chief looked up at her, his eyes distant. "I don't know…"

The call came from Mercy West about a half an hour after Meredith left the chief's. They found a cure. But…

"The vaccine is highly dangerous for pregnant women in their first trimester." _Meredith._

"How dangerous?" the chief said, his heart rate quickening.

There was a pause at the other end of the line. "There is a ninety percent chance that it will cause a miscarriage."

"Oh…"

xxx

The chief arrived in the ER. There was a cure. I breath of relief past over the ER. But…

xxx

Meredith needed to find Derek. She needed to see him. She needed to touch him. She needed to make sure he was okay. She needed him to tell her she would be okay. She began to walk back to the ER.

xxx

He needed to see Meredith. He needed to find Meredith. He needed to protect her. He needed to be her knight in shining whatever. He wouldn't let her die. He wouldn't. _Highly dangerous for pregnant women…_He wouldn't.

Derek administered the vaccine like a robot. One blurry, relieved face after another. _I'm saved. _Yes. _I won't die. _Yes. But Meredith. _Oh God, oh God, oh God…_And then there she was.

xxx

She spotted him across the room and began to walk in his direction. She was vaguely aware of a change in the ER. A change in the patients. Were those smiles on their faces? Was that happiness flickering in their eyes?

Derek met her halfway. He reached out and touched her cheek softly. She studied him carefully. "They found a cure," he said softly, his hand dropping to his side again.

A wave of relief passed through Meredith, but his look told her there was more to it than that. His face was pale and drawn, his eyes pained. "What?" she asked. "What is it?" She placed her hand on her stomach. Dread spread through her. "I can't take it, can I?" she said. "Because I'm pregnant?" Suddenly, she felt deeply tired. She just wanted it all to end. She was vaguely aware of Derek as he stepped forward, wrapped her up in his arms, and picked her up. The world seemed blurry and unreal as he carried her to the nearest bed.

"I don't want to die…" she whispered before the world went black.


	9. Just Hold Me

When Meredith came to, she was no longer in the ER. The world seemed eerily calm. Derek had pulled a chair up to her bed and was now sleeping, his head resting on the mattress beside her arm. For a second, Meredith forgot everything. She forgot all the death. She was caught in that moment between sleep and wakefulness when the day is still brand new and yesterday is only a distant memory. She forgot everything for a second. But only for a second.

As all the memories washed over her, her body shook with uncontrollable tears. Derek immediately woke up, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently. She turned towards him. His face was blurry through her tears, but she could see that it was pale, his eyes glassy.

"Meredith…" he said softly. His heart was aching painfully within his chest. She looked so broken.

"Derek," she said through her tears. "Derek…please." Her voice was pleading. Tears filled his eyes. He got up from his chair and climbed onto the bed. She melted against him as he wrapped her up in his arms. She shook slightly in his arms, her body exhausted, her heart broken. He kissed her hair and breathed in the lavender like he always did. The familiar act calmed Meredith slightly and she pressed her face into his chest, her tears subsiding.

"You have to take it Meredith," Derek said into her hair. "I won't let you die."

She looked up at him. "But," she said her voice hoarse. "What if I didn't catch it?" The raw hope in her voice broke his heart.

"Yeah," he said helplessly. "Maybe." She heard the doubt in his voice and her heart sank. Derek didn't know what else to say. "There's only a ninety percent chance of something…happening," he said vaguely. Meredith nodded slightly.

"Just hold me," she said, leaning her head on his chest again and closing her eyes. He tightened his grasp around her and swallowed hard.

"Okay."

xxx

They were both woken up when Dr. Webber walked into the room. Under any other circumstances, Derek would have been deeply embarrassed if the chief had walked into the room while Meredith was curled up in his arms. But not then. Not on that day. He couldn't leave her.

Meredith was glad Derek didn't leave her. She felt like the only thing keeping her breathing was his arms wrapped around her. She didn't look at the chief. She only tucked her head under Derek's chin and breathed in deeply.

"Chief," Derek said.

The chief nodded at Derek, his face solemn. "I have your blood work," he said. Derek felt a sinking feeling deep within him. "You, um," the chief paused, he could barely bring himself to say it. "You, um, caught the virus."

Derek looked down at Meredith, tucked against him. Her eyes were glassy and pained. He pulled her tighter against him and she closed her eyes.

The chief looked at the couple sadly. "I'll bring the vaccine," he said, because what else could he say?

As the chief left Derek leaned in and kissed Meredith on the forehead, because that's what he did. That's what he did to comfort her. But, really, how could he comfort her now? How could he tell her it would be alright when it clearly wouldn't be? She might lose her baby. This baby that had been growing inside her for a month. This baby that she talked to. This baby that she had already fallen in love with. This baby that _he_ had already fallen in love with. How could he comfort her when he knew she felt as if she was killing this baby? "I love you," he said, because it was all he could say. "I love you so much."

xxx

Just before Dr. Webber returned with the vaccine, Christina walked into the room. Meredith looked up at her friend, her person, standing in the doorway.

"Hi," Christina said.

"Hi," Meredith said, still curled against Derek. He only looked at Christina sadly. Just then, the chief walked in with the vaccine. Derek released her and got off the bed. She felt cold in the places where his touch once was. He sat in the chair beside her bed and took her hand.

Christina walked across the room and stood on the other side of Meredith. The chief then walked over. Slowly, he rubbed an alcohol pad over a small spot on her arm. Slowly, he prepared the shot. He paused. "You ready?" Meredith nodded slightly and then looked away as he administered the vaccine. Derek squeezed her hand.

"When will I know?" Meredith asked softly. "When will I know if it's…gone…"

The chief shook his head. "Not until tomorrow."

"Oh." Her hand subconsciously traveled to her stomach. "Okay."

The chief nodded slightly and then left. Christina turned to Meredith. She wanted to do something. "Do you want anything?" she asked. "Is there anything you need?"

Meredith looked up at her friend. She smiled faintly, feeling emptier than ever. "No," she said. "I'm fine."

Christina nodded. "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"

"That's good," Meredith said. Christina walked out the door. Bu as soon as she left, Meredith began to cry. Derek couldn't stand to see her cry. He got up and climbed onto the bed next to her again, pulling her into him.

"Shhh," he said, stroking her hair. "It'll be okay."

Meredith pressed her face into his chest. "How?" she said into his shirt. But Derek didn't answer. He didn't know.

xxx

Meredith woke up at dawn. Soft, pale light streamed through the windows of her room as the sun lit the sky from the bottom. In the night, Meredith had turned in Derek's arms so that her back was pressed to his chest. Derek's arm was draped over her stomach protectively. A pang of sadness rose in Meredith's chest.

Feeling her stir, Derek woke up as well. He leaned into her and whispered softly into her ear, "Morning."

Meredith turned in his arms. "Morning," she said softly. He leaned down and kissed her gently.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

She looked up at him, her eyes watery. "Sad," she said.

"Oh, Mer…" he said.

"I hate this," she said brokenly. "I hate that I had to choose. I had to…I had to…kill my baby, to save myself? It just…it doesn't seem fair." She shook her head. "It isn't fair, Derek."

"I know," he said. "It isn't." He kissed her on the forehead. "But it's not definite yet," he said softly.

She looked up at him. "Right," she said, but she didn't dare to hope. "Right. That's true."

They looked up at the sound of footsteps. Addison walked into the room. Derek kissed Meredith softly and then got off the bed, allowing Addison more room. She walked over to the bed and smiled slightly down at Meredith. "Ready?" she asked.

_To find out if my baby's dead? _Meredith thought bitterly. _Sure! _But instead she said, "Yes."

Addison squirted the jelly onto Meredith stomach and moved the wand across it. Meredith didn't look up at the screen. She didn't look at Derek. She just closed her eyes and waited. And then, she heard it. A heartbeat. Her baby's heartbeat. Suddenly, it filled her ears and Addison was smiling down at her and Derek was kissing her and she felt whole again.

Addison wiped the jelly off of Meredith's stomach and grabbed her hand. Meredith looked up at her, her eyes twinkling. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," Meredith said, before Addison left, leaving her alone with Derek. She smiled up at him and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, standing up. Derek enveloped her in a hug, but soon pulled away so that he could kiss her. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he slid his around her waist, pulling her against him. After a while, he pulled back slightly and placed his hands on her stomach. She put her hands on top of his and grinned up at him. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too," he said. She lifted her hand and traced his jaw line softly, feeling the stubble beneath her fingertips.

"You do don't you?" she said suddenly.

He looked at her carefully. "I really, really do."

She smiled again and he moved his hands around her waist, gently pulling her into his body. "I really, really do."

xxx

Christina appeared in the doorway to Meredith's room and almost laughed out loud as the relief flooded through her. There were Derek and Meredith kissing furiously. _They wouldn't be doing that if they had lost the baby_, she thought, amused.

She cleared her throat loudly and Meredith and Derek jumped apart, but when Meredith saw it was only Christina, she stepped back into Derek arms and laid her head on his chest. Christina smiled. "So, everything turned out okay I guess?"

"Yup," Meredith said, beaming. "It sure did." Derek smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head.

Christina stepped further into the room. "I'm really, you know, happy for you guys," she said. It almost sounded as if she was being guilted into saying it, but Meredith knew that she meant it.

"Thanks Christina," she said. Christina backed out of the room with a slight wave goodbye.

"Now where were we," Derek said softly, seductively, capturing Meredith's lips again. She smiled against his mouth and suddenly everything felt right in the world again.


	10. You Did Everything You Could

The next day, Izzie didn't show up for work. When Alex got off around lunchtime, he went home to look for her. He walked into the house and up the stairs. When he arrived in the doorway to her room, he felt an ache within him. There was Izzie, lying on her bed, wrapped up in at least ten blankets despite the hot weather, and yet still shivering. He went quickly to the bedside and kneeled down. He reached out and felt her forehead. She was burning up.

"Izzie?" he said softly. She opened her eyes slightly, but didn't seem to register is presence. "Iz?"

She struggled to focus on him. "I don't feel…good," she said, her voice raw.

"I know," he said. Even in her fevered state, she could hear the worry that was evident in his voice. A smile flickered across her lips. "I'm going to get a thermometer, okay?" She nodded her head vaguely and pulled the blankets up to her chin.

Alex jogged down the hall and into the bathroom. He found a thermometer and returned to Izzie's bedside. "Alright, you know the drill," he said. "Under the tongue." After a minute or so, Alex looked at the thermometer. His chest immediately constricted in fear. Her temperature was 107. "Okay," he said. "We really need to get this fever down."

He ran into the bathroom again and got the cold water running. He then rushed back into Izzie's bedroom and scooped her up in his arms. Her arms hung loosely around his neck and her feverish head rested on his chest as he carried her down the hall into the bathroom.

"Izzie, you need to get into the tub," Alex said, but when he put her on the floor, she was so weak that she could barely stand. He wrapped his arms around her again.

"Can't. Need help," she said, leaning on him.

"Alright," he said. She pulled back slightly and he took her clothes off quickly and helped her into the tub. She immediately began to shiver as she lowered herself into the water. She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over. "So. Cold."

"I know," he said. "I know.

xxx

That afternoon in the pit, Meredith, who had been assigned to scut, was just finishing up some stitches when a teenage girl came into the ER. She looked extremely disheveled: her hair was tangled and messy, her face streaked with dirt, her clothes ripped. She got up and approached the girl, who was looking around frantically.

"Can I help you?" Meredith asked.

The girl turned to her, wide-eyed. "My baby," she said. "My baby's hurt. Please, help me."

The raw terror and franticness in the girls voice touched Meredith. She glanced around. "Where is your baby?"

"She's out…there," the girl said. She turned and ran out the door. Meredith jogged after her. The girl ran across the parking lot to a dumpster and ran behind it. Meredith followed her. When she turned the corner, she looked down and saw a baby, wrapped in dirty blankets. It wasn't making any noise. Meredith got onto her knees and put her stethoscope to the baby's chest. She detected only a faint heartbeat and the baby's chest was rising ever so slightly.

"Okay," Meredith said, carefully picking up the baby. "She's breathing." She glanced up at the girl's relieved face. "But only barely."

"Oh thank God," the girl said from behind her. Meredith didn't respond. She only jogged across the parking lot and into the ER.

"What happened?" she called over her shoulder as she approached the hospital.

"I dropped her," the girl said. Meredith glanced over her shoulder at the girl. The bluntness of her statement caught her off guard. "I'm a horrible mother." Meredith felt a pang within her chest. _No, _she told herself. _I'll be different. I will._

Meredith ran into the ER. Bailey rushed over. "What happened?" Bailey asked, as Meredith handed the baby to her.

"The mother dropped her. I detected a faint heartbeat and shallow breath-sounds."

"Right," Bailey said, taking her into a trauma room. "Okay, let's move."

A nurse placed an oxygen mask to the baby's face. Bailey listened to the chest. "Okay, I need an MRI, we need to figure out if there is any internal bleeding."

Meredith glanced out of the trauma room window and saw the girl. She looked so young and so afraid. Suddenly, the baby's heart stopped. "I lost the pulse!" Bailey said. Meredith grabbed the paddles.

"Charge to 300! Clear!" Meredith shocked the baby. Her throat began to ache as the electricity coursed through the frail little body. She glanced up at the monitor. No change. She glanced at Bailey who was continuing compressions. "Charge to 350! Clear!" Still no change. Tears sprang to Meredith eyes. Bailey stopped compressions. Meredith put down the paddles. "Time of…." She breathed in deeply and swallowed hard. She could do this. "Time of death: 2:47." She looked up to find Bailey watching her carefully.

"You did everything you could, Dr. Grey," Bailey said.

Meredith nodded slightly, glancing down at the still body. She couldn't be here anymore. She walked quickly out of the trauma room, past the frantic mother and towards the exit. She ran outside. It had begun to rain. She walked towards a bench and sat down, folding her hands in her lap and staring out into the downpour.

xxx

Bailey found Derek at a nurse's station and approached him. He looked up at her, smiling pleasantly. "Afternoon, Dr. Bailey," he said, closing the chart he was holding.

"Dr. Shepherd, I think you need to find Meredith."

The smiled immediately vanished from his face. "Is she okay?" he asked.

_He really does lover her, _Bailey thought to herself. "A case came in—a baby who had been dropped by her mother. We lost the baby. Meredith didn't take it very well…"

Derek was nodding. "Thank you for telling me," he said. And then he was gone. Looking for her. He searched through all the on call rooms, waiting areas and galleries. Finally he walked outside into the rain and found her sitting on a bench. He ran over to her and kneeled in front of her. "Meredith?" he said. She looked up at him. Even though it was raining, he could tell she had been crying.

"What if I drop my baby?" she said, her voice shaking. "What if I'm a horrible mother? I can't do this. I can't do this, Derek."

His eyes filled with tears. "Meredith…" She began to cry and her whole body shook. He reached up and grabbed her hands. They were freezing.

"Derek…" she said through her sobs. He stood up and scooped her up into his arms. He could feel her shivering in his arms. She pressed her face into his chest, tears streaming down her face. He walked back into the hospital. People glanced his way, but he ignored them, walking to the nearest on call room and putting Meredith on a bed. He helped her change into dry scrubs, as did he, and she climbed onto the bed and under the covers.

"Can I hold you?" he asked. She nodded her head and he climbed onto the bed behind her, draping his arm across her stomach and pulling her against his body. "I love you."

xxx

About half an hour later, Izzie was back in her bed. Alex retrieved the thermometer again and took her temperature. To his dismay, it hadn't changed at all. "Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "Iz?"

She looked up at him, registering him barely. "Hmmm?"

"We have to get you to a hospital." She didn't respond. She only closed her eyes. He picked her up with a blanket still wrapped around her and carried her downstairs and outside. He put her into the passenger side of his car and then got in himself and drove towards Seattle Grace.

Once they arrived he got out, went around to the passenger side and got Izzie out. He scooped her up into his arms and began to walk towards the ER. Her arms hung loosely around his neck and her head rested against his chest as he rushed across the parking lot. She could feel his slightly quickened heartbeat and it was comforting to her.

He brought her into the ER and laid her onto a bed. A nurse came over and Alex turned to her. "Page Dr. Bailey please," he said, before turning back to Izzie. "It's gonna be okay Iz," he said, reaching up and stroking her cheek softly. Even in her fevered state, she smiled at his touch.

xxx

"Hey, Derek?" Meredith said as they lay in bed together.

"Hmm?" Derek asked, leaning into her and pressing a kiss to her neck.

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Why?" Derek asked.

She turned in his arms so that she was facing him. "It's been, what, a week? And I've already lost it three times."

"Meredith, it's normal to be scared," Derek said gently.

"You're not. You're not scared."

"Meredith," Derek said softly, "I am. I am scared."

"You don't show it," Meredith said, casting her eyes downward.

"I'm also not having hormone surges," he said.

She laughed softly and reached up, kissing him softly. "That is true," she said as she settled against his chest and closed her eyes. "Damn hormones," she mumbled before drifting off.

xxx

"She's burning up," Bailey said as she felt Izzie's forehead. "Let's start an IV to hydrate her."

Alex nodded and inserted the IV. "You think it's just the flu?" Alex asked.

"Probably," Bailey said. "It's been going around."

Alex nodded slightly and absentmindedly reached up, brushing a few stray strands of hair off of Izzie's face. Bailey noticed this small gesture and raised eyebrows, but didn't comment.

"Keep an eye one her," Bailey said, smiling slightly.

"I will," Alex said. "I definitely will."


	11. The Perfect Man

Izzie woke up at dawn, bathed in pale light as the sun rose. She glanced down and smiled. Alex was asleep, his head resting on the mattress beside her arm. He really did love her. And Izzie suddenly knew, with an odd realization that she loved him too.

Her mind wandered to Denny as she felt a pang of guilt in her chest. Did he want her to move on? Izzie knew the answer before she even asked the question. Denny loved her. He wanted her to be happy. She smiled to herself, wondering how it was possible to love two men with all her heart.

She reached out and brushed Alex's cheek with her fingers. He stirred under her touch and picked his head up off the mattress. He smiled at her and reached out to feel her forehead. She closed her eyes, a slight smile forming on her lips as his cool fingers moved to her cheek. "You look better," he said quietly, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"I feel better," she answered. He dropped his hand from her face, suddenly embarrassed and took a step away from the bed. She watched him carefully. "Where are you going?" she asked.

"Oh," he said, avoiding eye contact. "You know. Rounds. Bailey."

"Right," she said, dropping her eyes to her hands folded neatly in her lap. "Of course." He began to walk away, but she called out to him, "Will you come back later?"

He turned around and smiled, meeting her eyes. She stared into them hopefully. "Of course," he said softly.

xxx

Later that day, Derek met Meredith for lunch. He walked into the cafeteria and spotted her across the room. He went over to her and kissed her softly. "How are you?" he asked.

"I'm just fine, thank you," she said, smiling up at him.

"I'm glad." They began to walk together to get some food. "So what would you like today?" Derek asked. "Pickles and mayonnaise? Peanut butter and ketchup sandwich?"

"Hey!" Meredith said, hitting his arm lightly as they walked. "Are you making fun of my food choices?"

"Yes."

"You're mean," she said. "Plus, that peanut butter and ketchup thing was only one time."

"One time was enough," he said, grinning. "I was nauseous just watching you eat that thing."

"It's not my fault," Meredith said as they both grabbed trays. 'It 's…_it's_ fault," she said pointing to her stomach accusingly.

"It?" Derek said, grabbing a sandwich. "I can't believe you just called our baby _it._"

"What else should I call it?" Meredith said as she scrutinized over the salad bar. "At this point it is _it._" She picked up the salad prongs after deciding what she wanted and much to Derek's amusement (and disgust) piled her plate high with pickles, olives, salami, and cottage cheese. She then poured blue cheese dressing over the whole thing.

"Ew," Derek said, peering over her shoulder.

"Shut up," she said.

"You just put blue cheese on cottage cheese."

"So?"

"You can't put cheese on your cheese!"

"Why not?" Meredith asked as she began to walk towards the check-out line.

"Because…" Derek began. "Because…just…it's just…wrong."

"I don't care," Meredith said. "It tastes good."

"I have a feeling the majority of the people in this cafeteria would strongly disagree on that point."

"Well they're not pregnant," Meredith said, smiling up at him.

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. "No," he said. "They're not."

"Next!" the cashier said. Meredith and Derek moved forward.

"This one's on me," Derek said, taking out his wallet.

Meredith smiled. "Well, you're just the perfect man."

Derek laughed. "Far from it, but I'm glad you think so."

Together, they walked to a table and sat down. Meredith immediately dug in and Derek watched in disgust and slight fascination as she chowed down on her concoction. She glanced up and narrowed her eyes when she saw his face. "What?" she said.

"Nothing," Derek said, smirking and taking a bite of his own sandwich.

Meredith glared at him. "You're evil."

Derek looked up at her, feigning astonishment. "Hey!" he said. "A second ago, I'm the perfect man and now I'm evil."

"The perfection comes and goes."

"Cruel woman."

"You know it," Meredith said smiling. After a pause she said, "Hey, what are you doing this weekend?"

"Spending time with the woman I love," Derek said.

Meredith sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Oh yeah? And who is this woman?"

"Oh you don't know her. Met her at Starbucks. Love at first sight."

Meredith giggled and he smiled at her. "Well when you're done with her how about you move in?"

Derek grinned. "Really?"

"Yup."

"I'd love to."

xxx

Alex did come back. But it wasn't until Izzie was asleep. He walked into the room quietly, not wanting to disturb her and looked down at her sleeping form. He loved her. That's what he was thinking. That's all he could think about. He reached out and brushed a few loose hairs out of her eyes. She smiled in her sleep. _Probably dreaming about Denny, _Alex thought, with a twang of jealousy. He shook off the feeling.

Really, the truth was, Alex didn't hate Denny. He didn't even resent Denny. His anger came only from his own self-loathing. He wished he could be as good of a man as Denny had been. It was right that Izzie had fallen in love with him. He was the better guy.

He shook his head slightly and began to walk out of the room, but he bumped into a chair on the way out. It hit the wall with a thud. Izzie awoke with a start and looked up. "Alex?" she said, her voice hoarse from sleep.

Alex turned around sheepishly. "Sorry I woke you."

"What are you doing here?" Izzie said, sitting up in the bed.

"I told you I would come back," Alex said sincerely.

"I was starting to think you forgot about me," Izzie said.

"Never," Alex said, smiling. They looked at one another for a few seconds longer before Alex turned away. "Listen, I should let you get some sleep."

"No," Izzie said. Alex turned around. "Stay."

"Really?" he asked, raising his eyebrows slightly.

"Yeah."

Alex walked back into the room and sat down in the chair next to Izzie's bed. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Much better," Izzie said. "I'm going home tomorrow."

"That's good." They fell into an awkward silence.

Izzie glanced over at him. "Hey, thanks," she said.

He looked at her. "For what?"

"For taking care of me," she said quietly.

"It was my pleasure," he said honestly. She smiled at him.

"Can I tell you something that might sound slightly weird?" she asked.

"What is it?" he asked.

"It's just that…" she began, but trailed off. "Actually, forget about it."

Alex leaned forward in his chair slightly. "Hey! You can't do that."

"What?" Izzie asked.

"Chicken out like that. You so have to tell me."

"No, it's embarrassing." She glanced over at him and the look of pleading on his face made her laugh. "Wow, you're shameless."

"You just have to tell me."

"Fine. I had a dream about you," she said. He raised his eyebrows. She caught the expression and scowled. "It wasn't a dirty dream."

Alex leaned back in his chair again. "Shame."

"You dirty, dirty boy," Izzie said. He grinned mischievously at her. "Anyway, I had a dream that I was a princess and you were a stable boy and yet, we fell in love."

"You know, I hate to interrupt, but this sure does sound like cheap porn to me."

"Be quiet," she said. "Anyway, we fell in love and wanted to get married, but my father, who was Stephen Baldwin by the way, said that we couldn't…"

"Bastard," Alex grumbled.

"Alex," Izzie said, glaring at him.

"Izzie," Alex said, glaring back.

"Do you want to hear this or not?"

"Right sorry," he said, folding his hands in his lap obediently. "Please, do go on."

"So Stephen Baldwin said we couldn't get married, because you weren't a prince and it was very sad and you cried."

"I did not."

"You so did."

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

"You're right, I love you."

Izzie looked up at him, caught off guard. Her mouth hung open slightly as she stared at him in disbelief. "You…you do?"

Alex nodded.

"Oh," Izzie said. A heavy silence settled over them. Izzie wanted to say it back. She really did. _I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, _she thought over and over in her head. _Just say it. _"I…I…"

Alex looked at her hopefully. When she didn't say anything more, he looked at the floor. "Listen, Izzie, you don't have to…"

"I love you, too," she blurted out. He looked back up at her, smile spreading across his features.

"Really?" he said breathlessly. Izzie nodded. He got up from his chair and kissed her softly. "Cool," he said. She laughed at him and leaned forward kissing him again. "So, uh, what happened?" Alex said.

"What do you mean?" Izzie asked, confused.

"What happened to the princess and the stable boy?"

"Oh, that." Izzie smiled. "Well, they got married."

"But he wasn't a prince," Alex said, lowering himself onto her bed.

"Well," Izzie said as he wrapped her up in his arms. "The princess was so in love with him that she went to her father."

"And what happened?"

Izzie rested her head on his chest and smiled. "She told him that he was a prince to her."

"Jeez what a line," Alex said, smirking. "And he bought that?"

"Oh yeah," Izzie said. "Turns out Stephen Baldwin is a hopeless romantic."

Alex kissed her on top of her head. "Wow."

"Yeah," Izzie said, closing her eyes and drifting off. "Wow."


	12. Alone

Meredith was getting used to waking up in Derek's arms. She was getting used to the feel of his morning stubble, tickling her lips. She was getting used to him stroking her stomach softly and coming up with baby names. She was getting used to being loved. And sometimes it scared her.

"I love you too much," she had said to him once, curled up in his arms. "It won't last."

He had smiled down at her and kissed her on her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere," he had said, before kissing her on the lips.

She had believed him. She really had.

But one day, she woke up and he wasn't there. She got out of bed and began to walk out the door when she noticed a piece of paper lying on his pillow. She reached over and picked it up, reading it.

_Morning—_

_I didn't want to wake you up, but I got called into the hospital early. I'll see you later. I love you so much. _

_Derek_

Meredith smiled to herself and walked downstairs into the kitchen. Izzie was sitting on one of the stools, her head bowed over a cup of coffee.

"Hey, Iz," Meredith said.

Izzie looked up at her. Meredith paused and stared at her carefully. She looked exhausted. Her face was pale and drawn and her eyes were glazed over. "You okay?" Meredith asked.

Izzie looked at Meredith and tears came to her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Mer…"

Meredith took a step away from Izzie, as fear rose in her chest. "What? What is it?" Her throat constricted with tears. "Just say it," she said.

"Derek…there was an accident…he's in a coma…"

Meredith's knees buckled beneath her. She sank to the floor as uncontrollable tears shook her. Izzie got up and walked over to her. She reached for her hand, but Meredith shrank away from her, bringing her knees to her chest and bowing her head. She squeezed her eyes shut, willing it all to go away. _This can't be happening. I must be dreaming, _she thought frantically. _Oh God Derek…Why did you leave me? Why did you have to go? I love you too much. I can't do this alone. _

"I'm so sorry, Meredith," Izzie said, but her voice seemed distant. Basic instinct made Meredith hang on to consciousness, though it would've been a blessed relief to let go.

xxx

Meredith lay in her bed all day. She watched as the sun rose and crossed the sky. She watched as it began to fall away behind the horizon. She watched as it began to rain at dusk. The moon didn't come out that night. It was hidden by the clouds.

Sometime in the night, Meredith was awoken by Christina walking into her bedroom. She walked across the room and climbed onto the bed beside Meredith and got under the covers. Meredith turned towards her, looking at her helplessly through tear-glazed eyes.

"I feel empty," Meredith said, her voice hoarse.

"I know," Christina said. She understood how much Meredith loved him.

"I miss him so much," Meredith said as tears fell down her face once again. Meredith moved closer to Christina on the bed and rested her head next to her shoulder. She closed her eyes. Sleep was her only release.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith."

xxx

Meredith woke up before the sun had risen. She looked at her friend, asleep beside her. She slipped out of bed and pulled on some clothes before walking downstairs and outside. Without even thinking, she got into her car and began to drive towards the hospital. She needed to his face. She needed to see him. She couldn't stay away. Even if it made her hurt more. She loved him too much.

She walked into the hospital. A few people looked at her sadly as she walked past. In that moment, Meredith felt so alone that it scared her. She felt lost in the emptiness of the world, in the aching of her heart. She found out quickly where his room was and went inside.

She looked at the figure in the bed. There he was.

She walked over to his bed and looked down at him. He looked the same, but also immensely different. Here was Derek's body, but _Derek _himself was absent. He was gone. She had lost him. Tears spilled over her eyelids and streamed down her face. She was so tired of crying. But how could she stop? When he wasn't here to comfort her?

"I love you so much," she whispered. "Come back."

She backed against the wall and slid to the ground. She couldn't do this. She couldn't live without him. Her head fell heavily into her hands. "Come back, Derek."

xxx

Addison was walking down the hall, when she heard the faint sounds of someone crying within a room. She soon realized whose room it was and knew almost immediately who was crying. She walked inside and found Meredith sitting on the floor, her back to the wall, her knees pulled up to her chest.

"Meredith…" Addison said softly, squatting beside her.

Meredith glanced up at Addison. She was vaguely aware that she should be embarrassed in this moment, but she was beyond caring.

Addison looked down at Meredith's tear-streaked face and felt a pang of sympathy within her. She really did love him. She reached out and placed her hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Meredith…I'm…I'm so sorry."

Meredith looked up at her. She felt so broken, so deeply exhausted. "I'm so tired," she whispered.

Addison nodded her head slightly. "Come on," she said. "Let's get you to a bed." She stood up and offered her hand. Meredith took and pulled herself up off the floor. Addison walked with her to an on call room. "You gonna be okay?" she asked Meredith.

"Yeah," Meredith said. "Thank you."

Addison offered a sympathetic smile before leaving Meredith alone in the darkness of the little room. She lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. Maybe he would be there in her dreams. Maybe he would smile at her and kiss her and maybe she would feel whole again. If only for a second. If only in sleep.

xxx

Izzie crawled onto Alex's bed and got under the covers. He turned towards her and smiled. She moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest.

"You okay?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Izzie said wearily, "I'm fine." Alex kissed the top of her head and pulled her closer to him. "Hey, Alex?" Izzie suddenly said.

"Yeah?"

"Will you ever leave me?" she asked softly.

"Never," he said immediately. He didn't want her to be scared. "I love you."

"I love you too," Izzie said, her voice shaking. Uncontrollable tears began to fall from her eyes. Alex kissed her forehead, tenderly. "It's just…" she reached up and wiped the tears off her face. "It's just that Meredith…" she paused and glanced up at Alex's face. "She's broken," she finished softly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Alex said. Izzie nodded her head and squeezed her eyes shut.

xxx

Meredith opened her eyes slowly at the sound of her friend's voice, but she didn't get up. She couldn't get up. Every part of her ached. Ached for him.

"Meredith, you have to get up," Christina said quietly.

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head slightly. "I can't," she said, with tears in her voice. "I can't."

Christina didn't know what to do. It hurt her to see Meredith like this. She wanted to help her. "Meredith, they need to talk to you."

Meredith looked at her friend, trying to process her words. "Who's they?" she said finally.

"The doctors," Christina said. "About Derek."

A single tear rolled down Meredith cheek. "I can't."

"Meredith…"

Meredith reached up and wiped her eyes, shaking her head. She felt like she had forgotten how to live. She had to remind herself to breathe. Just keep breathing. "Oh God, Christina," she cried. "I can't do this. I can't do this." Tears streamed down her face. Her whole body shook with sadness. "I love him so much. I can't be here without him…"

"Meredith, you have to get up…" But Meredith wasn't listening. She was remembering. Because all she could now is remember.

xxx

She remembered that day. She had had a feeling and he was the only one who believed her. He was the only one who could comfort her. He was the only one who could make her fears go away that day, so she imagined him. She imagined he was the one there with her.

"I'm scared," she had said.

"I know. You can do this." _Come back to me, Derek. _"It'll be over in a second…" _I miss you so much._ "You can do this Meredith."

"Okay."

"Okay."

She opened her eyes again. Christina was looking at her carefully. "You okay?"

"No," Meredith said softly. "But I'm ready to get up."

Christina nodded and offered her hand. Meredith took and pulled herself off the bed. _You can do this. _

xxx

"Dr. Grey," a doctor greeted her as she walked into the room. She glanced at the bed and her heart ached at the sight of his still form. _You can do this. _She looked back at the doctor. "Dr. Grey, legally, this decision is not up to you, it's up to the patient's family, but Dr. Webber instructed me to fill you in."

"What is it?" Meredith asked. "What's wrong?"

"Dr. Shepherd was DNR," the doctor said gently.

Meredith closed her eyes. "Oh."

"Like I said, it's up to the family to make the final decision, but I think you should prepare yourself."

Meredith nodded and the doctor left the room. She walked over to the bed and looked down at Derek. How could she prepare herself? She could barely breathe without him. She reached out and picked up his hand. He wasn't gone yet. Maybe he would come back to her.

"Don't leave me," Meredith said. "I can't do this alone." She placed her hand on her stomach. "I can't do this alone."

xxx

Meredith had fallen asleep in the chair beside Derek's bed. Her head rested on the mattress beside his arm and she still held his hand gently in hers. She was awoken, though at the sound of footsteps entering the room. She looked up and saw an older woman, followed by three more who looked younger. Meredith immediately knew who they were. Derek's family. She didn't know what to do.

The woman looked at her for a moment before asking, "Who are you?" Her tone was not unkind.

Meredith was silent for a moment before replying quietly, "I'm Meredith."

"Did you know Derek?" she asked. Meredith studied the woman's face carefully. It was pale. The wrinkles around her eyes were deep. She looked heartbroken. _Her son died, _Meredith thought. She placed her hand on her stomach without even thinking about it.

"Um, yeah. I knew him."

"That's the intern, Mom," one of the younger women said from the doorway. Her voice was harsh. Meredith looked at her. She could feel tears spring to her eyes.

"I, uh, I have to go," Meredith said. She got up from the chair and walked to the door. Derek's family parted for her and she walked out into the hall. Away from him.


	13. What Would You Do?

Meredith didn't know what to do with herself. She couldn't bring herself to leave the hospital. Not when he was still here. She wandered aimlessly through the halls until she found herself outside Derek's room once again. She couldn't go inside. She couldn't be with his family who probably hated her.

She pressed her back against the wall next to his door and slid to the floor. And there she waited. Waited for an absolution. Waited for release from this nightmare.

xxx

Mrs. Shepherd left Derek's room. She had to get out of there. The sight of Derek, still and silent on that bed was too much to bear. She closed the door softly behind her. She saw someone sitting on the floor out of the corner of her eyes. It was Meredith.

Meredith looked up at Mrs. Shepherd and smiled faintly. Mrs. Shepherd smiled back. "Hello," she said.

"Hi," Meredith said.

Mrs. Shepherd nodded her head slightly and turned to walk away, but stopped. "He loved you."

Meredith looked up at her. She could feel tears fill her eyes. "I loved him," she said softly, looking away from Mrs. Shepherd as she began to cry. She could hear Mrs. Shepherd's footsteps as she walked in front of Meredith and offered her her hand. Meredith reached up and took it, pulling herself to her feet. "Thank you," she said.

Mrs. Shepherd smiled softly. "Come in," she said, opening the door to Derek's room and walking inside. Meredith followed behind her.

Derek's sisters seemed mildly surprised to see her, but didn't say anything. Meredith sat down in one of the chairs and looked at her hands. She couldn't bring herself to look at them.

"I'm Julie." Meredith looked up at the sound of the voice.

"Hi," she said softly.

"I'm Sarah."

Meredith smiled, relaxing slightly. She looked to the last sister. She was the one who had told Mrs. Shepherd she was the intern. The woman looked at Meredith. "I'm Nancy," she said, begrudgingly.

"It's nice to meet you," Meredith said.

Silence settled over the room, but it wasn't awkward. It was more of a mournful silence, the kind you feel at funerals when everyone is remembering. Meredith was once again overcome by sadness and loneliness. She swore she could feel her heart breaking.

"So Meredith," Mrs. Shepherd said. Meredith shifted her gaze from Derek to her. "Tell me about yourself."

Meredith bowed her head. "There really isn't much to tell," she said. "My life is this hospital."

"Just like Derek," Mrs. Shepherd said with a faraway smile. Meredith nodded. "He's DNR." Meredith looked at Mrs. Shepherd, slightly startled.

"Yeah," she said.

"How can I kill my son? How can I kill my own child?"

Meredith subconsciously brought her hands to her stomach, remembering that day not even a week ago when she thought she had killed her own child. Her eyes filled with tears. It had hurt so much. She looked back up at Mrs. Shepherd who was watching her carefully. "I don't know," Meredith said.

"What would you do?" Mrs. Shepherd asked, her voice shaking.

"Mom…" Nancy began to protest, but her mother lifted a hand, cutting her off.

"What would you do, Meredith?"

Meredith shook her head slightly. "I…I…Don't…That's really not…my place…"

"Exactly," Nancy said.

"Nancy." Mrs. Shepherd shot her daughter a look, before turning back to Meredith.

"I'm sorry…" Meredith said helplessly. "I can't…" She got up out of her chair and began to walk towards the door. But suddenly, she doubled over in pain and clutched her stomach.

"Meredith!" Mrs. Shepherd cried out as Meredith sank to the floor. She rushed over to Meredith as well as Julie, Sarah, and Nancy. "Meredith, what's wrong? What's wrong?"

"Get Dr. Montgomery," Meredith managed as pain coursed through her body.

"Addison?" Sarah said, confused. "But isn't she an OBGYN?"

Meredith nodded, before squeezing her eyes shut in pain. "Please," she said.

"Go get her, Julie," Mrs. Shepherd said. "Now."

xxx

"Meredith?" Addison said, rushing into the room. "What happened?" Meredith didn't respond. "Okay, we're losing her. Let's get her onto a gurney."

Meredith was only vaguely aware of her surroundings as she was lifted onto a gurney and wheeled into a separate room. She looked around herself aimlessly. Up at the blurry face of Addison, up at the ceiling that seemed to be spinning. She squeezed her eyes shut. "Derek…" she whispered, before she lost consciousness.

**Sorry that chapter was a little shorter than the others, but I just couldn't resist that cliffhanger. ******


	14. Restored

Meredith woke up and glanced around the room. For a second she was confused. She couldn't remember what happened. And then it all came back to her. "My baby!" she said, sitting up on her bed. Suddenly, Christina was right next to her.

"Whoa there, Meredith," Christina said, gently pushing back down onto the bed.

Meredith looked up at her hopefully. "Is it okay?"

Christina smiled. "Yeah," she said, sitting down in a chair next to the bed. "It's fine." Meredith smiled faintly, wishing Derek were there. "Addison just said the pain was caused by stress." Meredith nodded.

"What time is it?" Meredith asked softly.

"Almost eight," Christina replied.

"Don't you have to work?" Meredith said.

"Bailey gave me the day off."

"Really?" Meredith asked, surprised.

"Yeah, well you know," Christina said, smiling. "You're my person."

Meredith nodded and stared out the window of her room for a few seconds. Her thoughts wandered back to Derek. He was still so much a part of her. She felt as if she were lying on that bed with him. In a way, she wished that were true. She didn't want to be in this world without him. It didn't seem real anymore. "What do I do now?" Meredith asked, still not facing Christina.

"What do you mean?"

"What I do now?" Meredith turned to her friend. "Without him?"

"I don't know," Christina said honestly. "I think you just live. Because that's all you can do. I think you just live, but never forget."

Meredith nodded. "But what happens when all I can do is remember?"

xxx

The next day, Meredith was discharged. She felt herself being pulled towards Derek's room. She felt dread deep within her as she walked down the hallway towards his room. What if they had already done it? What if he was already gone?

She turned the corner and walked into his room. There was his family. Faithfully stationed by his bed. They all looked up at her when she entered. Everyone but Nancy smiled faintly. Meredith noticed as Nancy's eyes surreptitiously dropped to her stomach.

Meredith shifted from one silent gaze to another. She felt like an outsider more than ever. She as if they were holding the fact that she was pregnant against her. But how? Did they think that she tricked Derek in some way? That she got pregnant on purpose in order to sink her hooks into him and guarantee that he would stay?

She began to back towards the door. "I'm sorry…" she muttered, turning around. She hated how much of a coward she was.

"Wait." It was Mrs. Shepherd's voice. Meredith paused, but didn't turn around. "Stay."

Meredith was hesitant. She turned around. "Really?"

"Of course."

Meredith began to walk back into the room. She glanced at Nancy whose eyes dropped once again to her stomach with an accusatory grimace. Meredith fought the urge to turn and run. She looked at Derek. She longed to reach out and touch him. To trace his jaw line, to kiss his lips, to thread his fingers through hers. She wanted to memorize every part of him, because he could be gone in the blink of an eye. She looked back at Nancy and sat down, feeling stubbornly adamant in that moment. She would stay. For Derek. _You can do this. _

After an agonizing period of silence, Meredith looked up at Mrs. Shepherd. She had to know. "Um, may I ask," Meredith said quietly, "what your decision is?"

Mrs. Shepherd looked at her. "I'm going to wait. Sometimes people wake up from these things right?"

Meredith nodded. "Sometimes."

xxx

The next day, Meredith went back to work. Not surprisingly, Bailey assigned her to scut for the whole day. It was just as well. Meredith didn't feel like surgery. She didn't feel like doing anything. She apathetic, untouched by the world. Her mind, her body was with Derek. Sitting in that room, even with his family, was the only time when she felt alive.

Later that day, Addison performed an ultrasound on her, to make sure everything was okay. Addison showed Meredith her baby. Meredith smiled at the tiny peanut shaped figure, but the moment was bittersweet. _Derek should be here, _Meredith kept thinking.

"When will I start showing?" Meredith asked Addison.

"Well, you're only at the beginning of your second month, so not for another month or so," Addison said.

Meredith nodded and glanced out the window, drifting into memories once again. "Thanks, Addison," she said softly.

Addison looked at Meredith sadly. She was broken without him. She had given her heart to him and now he was gone. "You okay?" Addison asked gently.

Meredith turned to Addison and looked up at her forlornly. "No," she said, tears brimming in her eyes.

Addison nodded. "If you ever need anything, you know I'm here."

Meredith smiled. "Thank you."

xxx

Later that night, Meredith returned to Derek's room. To her surprise, his family was no longer there. She figured they had gone out for dinner. She sat down in the chair right next to his bed and picked up his hand within hers. She sat like that for a few minutes, just holding his hand.

"I'll be okay," Meredith said suddenly, her voice soft. "I'll be okay if you have to leave." She reached out and traced his jaw line gently with her finger, feeling the familiar stubble beneath her fingers. "I believe in heaven," she said her voice shaking slightly. "I believe that you'll always be with me, even if you have to go." She smiled slightly and lifted his hand, kissing it softly. "And I love you more than I ever thought possible. My heart is yours."

She couldn't hold back the tears anymore. They slipped down her face silently. She sat back in the chair, releasing his hand and covering her face.

"Are you okay?" Meredith looked up at the sound of the voice, her heart leaping in her chest. And there were those bright blue eyes staring back at her. Never before had she been so broken. Or so restored.

She smiled brightly through her tears and got up from her chair. She leaned down and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly for a second before releasing her. She stared down at him and said, "Welcome back."

He looked at her carefully, evidently confused. "What happened?" he asked.

"You were in an accident," she said. "And you went into a coma."

"Oh my God," he said, shocked. He turned to her. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm perfect."

He smiled at her. "C'mere," he said softly, opening his arms. She climbed onto the bed beside and rested her head on his chest. She could feel his heartbeat and, in that moment, it was the most comforting sound she had ever heard. He kissed the top of heard and pulled her closer to him.

"I'm so sorry I left you," he said quietly.

"I'm just glad your back."

"But I promised you…" He paused slightly, looking down at her, his eyes clouded with tears. "I promised you that I would never leave you."

"Derek," Meredith said, shifting in his arms so that she could see his face. "It wasn't your fault."

"I'm still sorry, though," he said.

"Okay," she said, smiling at him, before resting her head on his chest again. "I love you," she said softly.

"I love you too," he said.

xxx

"Derek!"

Meredith practically fell off the bed when Mrs. Shepherd's voice startled her from sleep. She stumbled off the bed as Mrs. Shepherd and his three sisters rushed to his bedside and showered him with hugs and kisses (and many, many tears).

Meredith stood off to the side, feeling out of place. She was about to slip out when Derek saw her and said, "Meredith come on over. Join the party."

"I would hardly call this a party, Derek," Mrs. Shepherd said. "You almost died."

"I was joking, mom," Derek said as Meredith made her way over. He took her hand in his and smiled up at her.

"So, have you thought of any baby names?" Julie asked. Meredith looked up at her. It suddenly occurred to her that maybe they (except Nancy) weren't mad at her for being pregnant. _Maybe they were just sad, _she thought.

"You know?" Derek asked.

"I fainted," Meredith said.

Derek looked up at her, clearly worried. "You what?"

"I fainted."

"Oh my God! Are you okay? Is the baby okay? What did Addison say?"

Meredith laughed at his little rant. "I'm fine, Derek. Calm down."

"You always were a worrier," Mrs. Shepherd said, smiling at her son.

"Only when it comes to the people I love," Derek replied, looking directly at Meredith. She grinned at him and Mrs. Shepherd raised her eyebrows at her daughters.

"Listen," Meredith said. "I have to go. My shift starts in a few minutes." Derek nodded and pulled her down to kiss her.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear, so that his family didn't hear. She smiled down at him.

"I love you too," Meredith said boldly, before turning around and leaving.

xxx

Two days later, Derek was discharged. His family went back home, much to Meredith's relief, even though she had warmed up to them. Now they were lying on Meredith's bed together. Derek's arm was wrapped around Meredith and her head rested on his chest.

In the slightly chaotic situation of the past few days, Meredith had gotten lost in her immense relief that she had not lost Derek. But now the memories of her loneliness were coming back. She remembered just how broken she had felt. Just how lost she was. She began to cry softly and pulled herself closer to Derek.

"Meredith?" Derek said, looking down at her. "What's wrong?"

"It's just that…when you were gone…when I thought I had lost you…" she looked up at him helplessly. "I was broken. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe without you Derek."

"Meredith," Derek said softly. "I'm not going anywhere. I will never leave you. I'll stay by your side forever, if it would make you happy. Although, you might get a little sick of me."

Meredith laughed and turned her head towards. "That's impossible," she said, her lips inches from him.

"Really?"

"Really." She leaned forward slightly and kissed him softly. He immediately responded, pulling her on top of him and deepening the kiss. "I love you so much," she said breathlessly.

"I love you more," he said, kissing her again. She smiled against his lips, as a deep sense of peace filled her.


	15. Kiss Me

Meredith woke up and smiled. She snuggled closer to Derek and tucked her head under his chin. He opened his eyes and smiled, kissing her on top of the head.

"So you know what I was thinking?" Meredith said.

"What?"

"I was thinking…" she kissed him softly. "That you should move in today."

"I like that idea," Derek said, smiling down at her.

xxx

Meredith and Derek walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Today was one of the few days that everyone had off, so George, Izzie, and Alex were all in the kitchen.

"Hey guys," Meredith said, walking inside and sitting down on one of the stools.

"Morning," everyone said in unison.

"Could I ask you guys a favor?" Meredith said, smiling sweetly.

"What do you want?" Alex said. Meredith glared at him.

"Well, Derek is moving in, so…"

"You're moving in?" Izzie asked, interrupting Meredith.

"I am," Derek said with a smile.

"Aw, Mer," Izzie said, walking over and giving Meredith a hug. "You're all grown up."

"Hey what's that supposed to mean?" Meredith asked.

"Well you know," Izzie said. "You and McDre…I mean Dr. Shepherd, have always been like…" she motioned back and forth between the two with her hands. "It was like, I love him, I hate, I love him…" Izzie glanced up at Meredith who was glaring at her. "You know I'm just gonna stop talking. Orange juice anyone?"

Everyone was silent for a moment after Izzie's little outburst. Everyone was watching Izzie very carefully. "I'll help," Alex finally said.

"Thank you," Meredith said.

"Yeah," George said. "I think I could do some heavy lifting." Everyone burst into laughter. "What?" he said. Everyone just smiled at him as if indulging a small child. "Well, I could," he grumbled.

"Well then," Meredith said, standing up. "It's settled." She walked out of the kitchen and Derek followed. Once they were outside he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his body.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her waste.

"Fine, thank you," she said looping her arms around his neck. "Except, I do have a hint of morning sickness."

"I'm sorry," he said, leaning forward slightly.

"It's not your fault," she whispered as he lowered his lips to hers. He brushed them softly.

"I love you," he said quietly. She leaned forward and kissed him.

"I love you too," she said, pulling away slightly. He smiled at her and pulled her against him again, kissing her deeply.

xxx

They arrived at Derek's trailer in the afternoon, wielding boxes and packing tape. Once they got into his trailer, Alex and George immediately began shoving things into random boxes. Izzie practically had a heart attack.

"You guys!" she cried.

They looked up at her. "What?"

"You're doing it all wrong." George and Alex exchanged a look. "You can't just randomly throw things into boxes. We need to have some sort of system."

"Izzie, I really don't think…" Meredith began, but it was useless. Izzie had already set to work making categories. "Oh Lord," Meredith muttered under her breath. Izzie looked up at Derek and Meredith who were standing off to the side.

"C'mon you guys," she said. "Pitch in."

Meredith walked into the kitchen with a box and began packing all of the pots and pans. Derek came in and helped her. "I think we're supposed to be following a very strict system," Derek whispered.

Meredith looked up at him giggled. "Oh, don't mind Izzie. She'll get over it if we happen to mix plates and serving dishes by accident."

"God forbid," Derek said. Meredith laughed and leaned forward giving him a quick kiss on the lips.

"You're so cute," she said.

"Well, I try."

xxx

Derek didn't really have that many things, so they were able to bring all of his belongings back to the house in only a couple of trips. Everyone helped carry the boxes up to Meredith's room. It was true that there weren't many boxes, put Meredith's room wasn't that big, so when everything was carried up, most of the floor as well as half the bed was covered. Meredith crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back slightly, eyeing the room.

"I kind of like it like this," she said after a moment of silence.

"Me too," Derek replied, maintaining a straight face. "You'll have to lie on top of me in order to fit on the bed, but I have no objections to that."

Meredith turned towards him, grinning. "Or I could just make you sleep on the couch so you better watch it."

He chuckled at her leaned forward kissing her softly on the lips. "Mmm," he whispered. "I love doing that." Meredith smiled and pulled him down for another kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.

"I think we should have a party," Meredith said suddenly. Derek looked down at her.

"That was random," he said quietly.

"Because you're moving in," she explained.

"Oh," he said, leaning down and brushing her lips softly with his. "Okay."

"Kiss me," Meredith said, her voice husky.

"Gladly," Derek said before kissing her deeply.

xxx

Later that night, Derek came downstairs after finishing unpacking his things and found Izzie, Alex, George, Christina, and Meredith dancing in the living room. He stood in the doorway for a second, smiling to himself as he watched Meredith sway to the music. She was so beautiful. She was almost glowing. Derek smiled as he thought of their child. If it was possible, the fact that she was pregnant with his child made him love her even more.

Meredith glanced up and saw him watching her. She smiled and walked over to him, swaying her hips. "Dance with me," she said over the music, reaching out her hand. He took it immediately and walked further into the living room.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her body up against his as she moved to the music. He wrapped his arms her waist and leaned forward, whispering into her ear, "You're so beautiful."

She pulled back and looked up at him, smiling. "You aint so bad yourself," she said teasingly, but his comment had touched her. She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. "Thank you, though," she whispered into his ear.

xxx

Once everyone had tired of dancing, and Alex and Izzie as well as George and Christina went their separate ways, Meredith plopped down on the couch and Derek joined her. She turned on the TV and began flipping through the channels. She finally settled on "Love Story".

"You're kidding," Derek said.

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Love Story? Really? That's like cheesiest of all cheesy movies made in the seventies," he explained. "That's pretty cheesy."

"It's not cheesy," Meredith said. "It's romantic."

"Same thing."

"Psht," Meredith said. "You're such a guy."

Derek chuckled at her. "You're such a girl," he said, moving closer to her on the couch.

She turned towards him and smiled as he lowered his face towards hers. "Guess we were made for each other," Meredith said quietly.

"Guess so," Derek said, before pressing his lips to her. "I love doing that." Meredith giggled, before resting her head on his chest and watching the movie.

xxx

Meredith had fallen asleep during the movie with her head resting on Derek's chest. Once it ended, Derek lifted her up gently in his arms and carried her up the stairs. He walked into her bedroom, _their bedroom, _and placed her gently on the bed, tucking her under the covers. He then climbed in himself and wrapped her up in his arms.

"Sorry I fell asleep during the movie," Meredith said quietly as she snuggled closer to Derek.

Derek smiled down at her and kissed her softly on top of her head. "Love means never having to say you're sorry," he said softly. She laughed softly, before falling into a deep sleep.


	16. I Lost Her

Meredith woke up in the middle of the night with tears glistening in her eyes. She had had a dream about her mother. It reminded her of the fact that she hadn't visited her since she found out she was pregnant. Then, yesterday, she had gotten a call from one of the workers there. "You're mother as been asking for you. She misses you," they had said. _She misses you. _Meredith found the idea doubtful, but still felt guilty about avoiding her own mother.

She turned in Derek's arms so that she was facing him and leaned forward, kissing him softly. "Derek?" she asked quietly. He stirred. "Derek?" He opened his eyes and looked at her tear-streaked face. His brow furrowed in concern.

"Meredith?" he asked. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She smiled slightly. "I'm fine."

He reached out and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "You don't look fine."

She looked into his eyes. "It's my mother. I haven't visited her since I found out I was pregnant."

"You're worried about telling her?" Derek said. It was more of a statement then a question. He understood. Meredith nodded. Derek frowned slightly. "It's your choice."

She nodded again. "If I go," Meredith said softly, glancing away from his face. "Would you come with me?"

Derek smiled. He would do anything for her. "Of course," he said, leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead. She smiled up at him.

"Thank you."

xxx

The next day, after their shifts at the hospital, Meredith and Derek got into their car and drove towards the nursing home. Once there, they got out of the car. Derek walked over to Meredith and took her hand in his. "You ready?" he asked with a smile. Meredith nodded.

They walked inside and the receptionist greeted Meredith. "It's good to see you again, she's been asking for you."

"Thank you," Meredith said. She turned to Derek.

"I'll wait right here," he said reassuringly.

"That's good," Meredith said, smiling faintly. "That's very, very good." Derek leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. Meredith smiled up at him and then turned and walked into the living room. There was her mother, sitting in a chair, staring out the window.

"Mom?" Meredith asked softly, walking over to Ellis' chair and squatting beside it. "Mom?" Ellis turned towards Meredith, with a faraway look in her eye. _Come back to me, _Meredith thought helplessly.

"He stayed with her," Ellis said turning back towards the window. "He's left me."

"Mom," Meredith said. "I need to talk to you."

"How could he go back to her?" Ellis asked. "I loved him."

"Mom, look at me. It's me, Meredith." Meredith searched her mother's face for some sign of recognition. She was met with emptiness.

"What do I do now?" Ellis said, looking at Meredith desperately. "Without him?"

Meredith stood up looking down at her mother. Her words were achingly familiar. She remembered looking at Christina with that same lost expression, uttering those same words. _What happens when all I can do is remember? _

"I, uh, have to go," Meredith said faintly, turning from her mother. She wouldn't end up like her. She couldn't end up like her: a woman alone, lost in her memories. Lost in remembering.

Meredith walked outside into the waiting room. Derek looked up and saw her pale face. He stood up and walked to her. "You okay?" he asked.

She looked up at him and shook her head slightly. "Let's go."

He nodded and reached down, taking her hand. She suddenly felt very tired. And very empty. She leaned against him as tears fell down her cheeks. He wrapped his arms around her. "Why is this so hard?" she asked into his shirt.

"Meredith," Derek said gently. "You don't have to do this."

Meredith squeezed her eyes shut. "Yes I do." She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. "She's my mother." Derek smiled faintly and reached up, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Go tell her then," he said. Meredith nodded and turned away from him, walking back into the living room. Back to where she sat. Alone.

xxx

"Mom?" Meredith said, sitting down in the chair across from Ellis. "Mom."

Ellis looked at her. "What is it?" she said shortly.

"Mom, I have to tell you something," Meredith said.

"Well hurry. I have a craniotomy at 8:00," she said glancing at her watch.

"Mom." Meredith reached out and took one of Ellis' hands in her own. She suddenly looked at Meredith as if really seeing her for the first time. Meredith watched as the absence and apathy left her face. Meredith smiled slightly. "I'm pregnant."

Ellis looked at Meredith carefully. She glanced from her eyes to her hand that Meredith held and back up to her eyes. "Oh," she said softly. Meredith studied her mother's face, trying to read it, trying to see the emotion in her eyes. Suddenly, Ellis lifted her hand and brought it to Meredith's cheek. "Pregnant."

And then she was gone. She recoiled from Meredith. "What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here." She crossed her legs and turned from Meredith.

Meredith nodded her head slightly and stood up. "Goodbye, mom," she said softly, before walking out into the lobby.

xxx

Meredith sat in silence for the first part of the ride home. Derek glanced over at her every once in a while, trying to read her facial expression.

"Stop that," Meredith suddenly said, her lips curving up slightly.

"Stop what?" Derek asked.

"Stop looking at me like that." Meredith turned towards him, her eyes twinkling.

He smiled at her. "I can't help it."

"You always say that," she said, smirking.

"But that's because it's true," he said. She only smiled and he reached out, taking her hand in his. "You okay?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"Relieved is more accurate," she said, frowning slightly.

He watched her for a second, but she didn't meet his gaze. "I love you," he said softly. She glanced at him. 

"I love you too," she said.

xxx

Derek moved his hand across Meredith's stomach as they lay in bed later that night. She smiled down at him as he lifted her shirt slightly and kissed her stomach. "You're so cute that I want to cry," she said suddenly.

He looked up at her, smirking. "Seriously?"

"Yeah. I think I'm having hormone surges," she said, laughing.

He leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips, before moving down her body, kissing her neck and breasts. She moaned softly. "That is so not helping with the hormones," she said. He chuckled as he lowered his face to her stomach and pressed his cheek to it.

Meredith looked down at him and smiled. "That's not helping either," she said.

He laughed. "Jeez," he said, lifting his head from her stomach and looking up at her. "I can't do anything right."

She smiled. "Actually," she said. "You can't do anything wrong." He grinned and moved back up her body, pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Back at ya," he said softly. She kissed him again and rolled on top of him.

"I think that you're adorable," she said, before kissing him deeply.

"I think that I love you," he answered.

xxx

Derek woke up in the middle of the night and found that Meredith wasn't in bed anymore. He looked around the room and saw her standing in front of the window. He got out of bed and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and spreading his fingers across her stomach. She leaned back into him slightly, resting her head against his chest.

"I lost her," she said softly.

"Who?" he asked.

"My mother."

He frowned and let out a breath, pressing his face into her hair. "Oh, Meredith," he said.

"But I guess I didn't really," she said quietly. "Because how can I lose something I never had?"

"You can't," he said.

"It still hurts, though," she replied.

"I know," he said. "I know."


	17. You Jump I Jump, Jack

Meredith stood in front of her locker, gathering up her things. Once she had gotten everything, she sat down heavily on the bench to wait for Christina to finish. Christina glanced over at her.

"You look horrible," she observed.

Meredith looked up at her. "I am so tired. It's so ridiculous." She absentmindedly rubbed her stomach. "Damn hormones," she muttered. Christina laughed.

"Wait till you get into your second trimester," Izzie called from her locker. "You're gonna be off the walls." Christina and Meredith looked at Izzie carefully. "Oh you know, that's just what I hear."

An uncomfortable silence followed. "You ready to go?" Meredith said finally. Izzie and Christina nodded and they walked out of the locker room.

As they came to the lobby, a woman came up to Meredith. "Are you Meredith Grey?" she asked.

Meredith paused. Christina and Izzie waited off to the side. "Yeah," Meredith replied, glancing up and seeing Derek waiting for her by the door.

"Hi," the woman said, offering her hand. "I'm Lexie. Lexie Grey."

xxx

Izzie, Christina, Meredith and Derek walked into the front door and headed towards the kitchen. Meredith had been silent the whole car ride. She sat down on a stool and dropped her head into her hands. "I handled that horribly," she moaned.

"I would've done the same thing," Christina said.

Meredith lifted her head and glared at her. "What? Bolted?"

Christina looked at her, for a second. "Yeah, you're right. That was pretty pathetic."

Meredith scowled at her. "Shut up," she said. "I mean, God! I have a sister! Another one!" Derek chuckled as he reached into the fridge for the water. "I hate you." Derek laughed and walked over to her, kissing her on top of the head before sitting down next to her.

"What are you gonna do?" Izzie asked.

"What am I supposed to do?" Meredith asked. "Get to know her?"

"Maybe," Izzie said.

"But I don't want to get to know her. I can barely talk to my father, let alone his offspring with another woman," Meredith said. "She's not someone I want to know."

xxx

The next day, Meredith walked into the hospital and began to make her way towards the locker room. Suddenly, she saw a woman approaching her out of the corner of her eye.

"Meredith?" Lexie said.

Meredith turned to her. "Hi," she said as pleasantly as possible.

"Sorry, I sort of cornered you yesterday. I realized after I did it how horrible it was to spring this on you, but I kind of wanted to meet you. I mean I just found out about you like a week ago…"

"Lexie," Meredith said.

Lexie paused her rant and looked at Meredith. "Yeah?"

"I don't want to sound bitchy, but…" Meredith glanced away. "I can't really deal with this right now."

"Oh," Lexie said, looking at the ground.

"It's just too much."

"Right, yeah, I understand," Lexie said quietly. "I'm sorry."

Meredith smiled slightly. She felt horrible. She was doing what she did best. Running away. "Bye, Lexie."

"Right, bye."

xxx

Meredith and Derek sat on the couch later that night, watching Titanic.

"Hey Derek?" Meredith said suddenly.

"Yeah?"

"Am I a horrible person?"

"What?" Derek said, shaking his head slightly and turning to face her.

"Am I a horrible person?"

"Are we talking about in general or a specific incident?" Derek asked carefully.

"It's just that, Lexie…" Meredith said. She shook her head. "I was mean to her. I mean really mean." She glanced up at Derek who was watching her with silent contemplation. "I am a horrible person," Meredith said. "It's hopeless."

"Meredith," Derek said softly. "If you're not ready to get to know her, it's not your fault."

"It's not that," Meredith said, looking down at her hands. "I was running away." She sat quietly for a few seconds, before looking up at Derek, tears glistening in her eyes. "I have a family, Derek. I have this family that I don't even know."

Derek nodded and smiled slightly. "You do."

"I mean I don't think I can ever forgive my father for abandoning me, but in not speaking to him, I'm also depriving myself of this whole family I never had."

"So you do want to know them," Derek said.

"Yeah," Meredith replied softly. "I guess I do. Kind of."

"Kind of," Derek said, smirking slightly.

Meredith smiled. "It'll be weird."

"Yes it will."

"And awkward."

"That's true too."

"But I'm still going to do this," Meredith said with resolve.

Derek leaned over and kissed her on the lips. "And you're not a horrible person," he whispered.

xxx

"That's so romantic," Meredith said as she watched Jack and Rose "fly" on the Titanic. "We should do that."

Derek laughed. "Yeah right."

Meredith hit him on the arm softly. "Shut up." They watched for a few more minutes as Jack and Rose kissed. Meredith sighed. "Jack is so dreamy."

"Hey!" Derek said. "I thought I was dreamy."

"I don't see you doing…that," Meredith said, motioning at the screen.

"Well it's not often that we find ourselves on gigantic ocean liners, but next time…"

"Oh be quiet," Meredith said.

xxx

"Turn the boat! Pull it to the freaking left!" Meredith yelled at the TV as the Titanic neared the ice burg. Derek chuckled beside her. "Oh my God!" she shrieked as it hit the large burg.

"I have to say, it's very entertaining watching movie with you," Derek said, amused.

Meredith glared at him. "Well I'm glad you're having fun," she said.

"Come on," Derek said. "It's called Titanic, you knew the ending before you began watching it."

"It's still stressful," Meredith said.

xxx

Meredith laid her head on Derek's chest, tears streaming down her face. _I'll never let go, Jack, _Rose was saying on the screen. Derek wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"It's just so unfair," Meredith said between sobs as she watched Jack disappear into the dark ocean. "He was so perfect. She should've died." Derek couldn't help but laugh. "Shut up," Meredith said. "It's the hormones. They've turned me into a monster."

"Yes, but a very cute monster," Derek said.

Meredith laughed and sat up. She kissed him softly on the lips. "Thank you." She looked at him for a few seconds. "You are pretty dreamy you know," she said.

"Really?" Derek said.

"Yeah," Meredith said, getting up from the couch. "You aint bad."

Derek stood up and grabbed her hand, pulling her into his body. "Always remember," he said softly. "You jump, I jump."


	18. I'll Be There

**Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted anything in a couple of days. I've been pretty busy. But anyway, I thought I'd write something short here, to keep this story going. I'll post more over the weekend!! The Meredith family dinner is coming up. Should be fun.**

Lexie ran out of the living room and into the kitchen when she heard the phone ring. She picked it up just in time. "Hello?" she said, out of breath.

"You okay?" Meredith said on the other end. 

"Sorry I had to sprint to get the phone in time."

There was a pause on the other end. Meredith realized Lexie had no idea who she was talking to. "Oh sorry," she said quickly. "This is Meredith."

"Meredith!" Lexie said. She sounded pleased. Not at all grudging. _She is so a better person than I am, _Meredith thought self loathingly. But she shook the thought off. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh," Meredith said. She took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you would like to have dinner some time?"

Lexie was silent for a moment. Meredith waited hopefully. She was surprised at how much she wanted to do this. "Yeah," Lexie said finally. "I would really like that."

"And you know, you can bring the whole family." Meredith meant for it to sound casual, but it came out forced. She had been so accustomed to run away from anything involving her father that it was hard to welcome it now.

"Well, that's really only me, my dad and Susan. My sister moved away once she got married," Lexie explained.

"Oh right, yeah," Meredith said. "Well that sounds good anyway."

"Really?"

It occurred to Meredith that Lexie knew just how stressed her relationship with her father was. Of course she knew. It would probably be the first thing Thatch would tell her. _You have a sister. And oh yeah, we haven't really had a conversation in ten years. _"Yeah," Meredith replied. "It'll be great."

"Okay," Lexie said. "How about this weekend. Saturday, maybe."

"Saturday is great, around seven?"

"We'll be there."

"Right," Meredith said. "Right, I'll see you then."

xxx

Meredith walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where Derek was watching TV. He stood up when he heard her come in and walked over to her. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his chest. "I can't do this," she said quietly.

"Yes you can."

"No I can't."

"I'll be there the whole time."

"Okay I can."

Derek chuckled and kissed her on top of the head, before suddenly picking her up in his arms, eliciting a shriek from Meredith. She grinned up at him and wrapped her arms around his neck. He walked up the stairs and brought her into their bedroom, plopping her down on the bed. He gently lowered himself onto her, and kissed her deeply. "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," she answered.


	19. Forever

"Izzie please."

"Fine."

"Yay!" Meredith threw her arms around her friend. "I love you."

"But it's not going to be fancy," Izzie said.

Meredith smiled. "Izzie, it doesn't have to be. Anyways, anything you make will be ten times better than anything I could throw together."

"That is true," Izzie said.

Meredith laughed. "You're so mean."

"Hey, do you want this dinner or not?"

"Okay, okay, fine." Meredith smiled and turned to walk out of the room. "But thank you," she called over her shoulder.

"Your welcome," Izzie called back before the door shut.

xxx

At 6:57, Meredith was sure she was going to have a mental breakdown. She was pacing back and forth in the kitchen and ranting as Izzie listened calmly while cooking.

"I can't do this."

"Mer," Izzie said, looking up and pausing in her stirring. "We have been over this."

"I know." Meredith was quiet for a few seconds. "But my father!" she suddenly burst out.

"Your father is just as scared as you."

"Right."

Derek suddenly opened the door. "They just pulled up." Meredith walked over and stood in front of him. He gazed down at her. "Deep breaths." Meredith nodded. "You look beautiful." She smiled up at him. He turned towards the kitchen door and was about to open it, when Meredith grabbed his hand.

"Do I tell them?"

"Tell them what?" he asked.

"That I'm pregnant," Meredith said, her eyes clouded with worry.

"Do you want to?" Derek asked.

"No."

"Then there's your answer." He smiled at her and reached out, placing his hand on her stomach. "Speaking of that, how do you feel?"

"I get my morning sickness at night now."

Derek chuckled. "That's unfortunate." She smiled and placed her hand on top of his. He leaned down and kissed her.

"Wait," Meredith said pulling away. "Didn't you say that they pulled up?"

"Oh yeah," Derek said. They walked outside into the foyer. Meredith opened the front door and looked outside. There was their car, but they were all still sitting inside it. Meredith frowned. She walked over and knocked on the window. Thatch glanced up at her, startled. He rolled down the window.

"You coming in?" Meredith asked.

A woman, Susan Meredith assumed, leaned over and smiled at her. "Yeah, we're coming, we're just regrouping."

Meredith smiled faintly. "Okay, well, whenever you're ready."

"Right, okay," Thatch said quickly. Meredith stepped away from the car and they all opened their doors. Lexie emerged from the back seat and waved slightly at Meredith.

"Hey, Meredith," she said.

"Hi, Lexie," Meredith said, trying with all her might to sound pleasant. _This is going to be so exhausting, _she thought to herself as she turned and began to walk back towards the house.

They all walked into the front door and Derek greeted them, plastering his McDreamy smile on his face. Derek approached Thatch and extended his hand, which Thatch took hesitantly. "Hi," Derek said. "I'm Derek, it's really great to meet you."

_I am so in love with you right now, _Meredith thought to herself as he watched Derek greet her family. He glanced up and caught her gaze and she smiled.

They all walked into the dining room and sat down. "Get ready for the meal of a lifetime," Derek said as he sat down next to Meredith.

"Oh are you a good cook?" Susan asked.

"Oh, no," Meredith said. "My friend Izzie's the cook. I couldn't cook to save my life."

Thatch had been looking at Meredith carefully. "Just like your mother," he said. Meredith looked up at him and an awkward silence fell over the room.

"Right," Meredith said quietly. "Just like my mother."

Derek reached under the table and grabbed Meredith's hand. "So who's ready for the first course?" he asked.

"I know I am," Lexie said. "I'm starved."

"Great, I'll go get it," Meredith said, but when she stood up she felt slightly dizzy. Derek stood up immediately and steadied her.

"You okay?" he whispered in her ear. Meredith nodded and walked into the kitchen. Derek sat back down.

"Is she okay?" Lexie asked.

"Yeah," Derek said. "She's perfect."

Everyone nodded and Meredith returned carrying with her a roasted chicken. "I still have to get the potatoes and beans," she said, placing the chicken at the center of the table. "I'll be right back."

"I'll help," Derek said quickly, following her into the kitchen. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked as soon as they entered the kitchen.

Izzie looked up at them. "What? What's wrong?"

Meredith shook her head. "Just stupid pregnancy and stupid hormones," she said. Derek couldn't help but chuckle.

"What happened?" Izzie asked, smirking at Meredith's comment.

"Oh nothing," she said as she fixed up the potatoes. "I just almost fainted in front of my perspective family members."

"Jeez, Mer," Izzie said. "You make it sound like a job interview."

"Hey," Meredith said. "Didn't you hear the part about me almost fainting?"

"Yeah, but you didn't"

"But I could've," Meredith pointed out. "And I might still."

"Yes but I'll be there to catch you," Derek said dramatically.

"That is true," Meredith said with a smile. He walked over to her and kissed her softly. "Hmmm," Meredith said, closing her eyes and sighing contentedly. "Couldn't I just stay in here all night?"

Derek pulled away from her with one last kiss. "No, you can't," he said, picking up the beans and walking to the door.

"You're evil," Meredith said, following him with the potatoes. "You're an evil, evil man."

xxx

Once it was time for desert, Meredith was thoroughly exhausted. She had no idea how she would make it through another hour of mind numbing chit chat.

"So, Meredith," Susan said. "What are you thinking of specializing in?"

"Um, maybe neuro," she said, glancing at Derek and smiling.

Susan caught the glance. "Is that your specialty Derek?"

"Yeah," Derek replied. "So Meredith might be slightly biased."

Everyone laughed and Meredith beamed up at Derek. Thatch, who had been quiet most of the night, suddenly said, "Lexie is going into medicine."

Meredith looked over at Lexie. "Really?"

"Yeah, this is my last year of med school," Lexie said. "I'm thinking of going into surgery too." Meredith smiled faintly, but didn't respond.

Derek glanced at Meredith before saying, "That's great."

Lexie smiled almost gratefully at Derek. "Yeah, I'm really excited."

A silence fell heavily over the table. All Meredith could think about was curling up in Derek's arms and going to sleep. She was way too tired to be sociable.

"I for one can't understand how all of you can stand it," Susan said. "I mean, cutting into people everyday. All the blood and guts…"

"It's not a slaughterhouse, mom," Lexie said, amused.

"I know, but still."

"It's helping people," Meredith said quietly. "I mean that's why most surgeons do it. Saving people's lives is quite a rush."

"Unless you're Christina," Derek said, laughing. "Then you're only in it for the fierce competition."

Meredith laughed. "That is true." She glanced around the table and found everyone looking at them strangely. They had no idea who Christina was.

"Does anyone want some coffee?" Derek asked, already standing up.

"That would be great," Susan said. Thatch and Lexie nodded in agreement beside her.

"I'll get it," Derek said. Meredith grabbed his hand and looked at him helplessly. He smiled at her. 'I'll be right back."

Meredith glared at him slightly as he left and then turned back towards Susan, Thatch, and Lexie. She tried, but couldn't stifle a yawn. "Sorry," she said. "I know it's pathetic, it's only like nine."

"Long shift?" Susan asked.

"No it's just my second month and everything." Meredith's eyes widened slightly and glanced at the ground, not believing what she had just said. She silently cursed Derek for leaving her alone when she was this tired.

Everyone was looking at her strangely. "Second month of what?" Lexie asked.

"Oh, of, ummm…" Meredith stammered.

Derek suddenly came in with the coffee. "Here we go!" he said, setting the coffee pot on the table with mugs. "Who wants what? We got…" he trailed off as he looked around the table. Everyone was still silent, studying Meredith. "Why is everyone so quiet?" he said in an exaggerated whisper.

"I was just telling them about my second month, of, uh…"

"Her last year as an intern!" Derek finished.

"Yeah, it gets a lot harder in the second year…so I'm really…you know, wiped…" she stammered. She could tell know one was buying it.

Thatch suddenly stood up. "Here, let me pour that for you guys," Thatch said. He began filling the mugs. He handed one to Susan and Lexie and then Meredith.

"Oh no," Meredith said quietly. "None for me…"

"Oh my God," Lexie said quietly as it dawned on her.

"Oh my God what?" Susan asked glancing at her daughter.

"Meredith," Lexie said. "Are you pregnant?"

"Pregnant?" Susan said.

Meredith glanced around the table as everyone waited for her answer. "Well," she began. "Yes."

There was a moment of silence. Meredith looked away from everybody. "Congratulations," Susan finally said, smiling.

"Yeah, that's great," Lexie said.

"Thanks," Meredith said softly. She glanced up at her father who was looking at her silently. Meredith wondered what he thought of her now.

"Well," Derek said. "Should we move this into the living room?"

Everyone nodded and got up, entering the living room. Susan and Thatch sat in the arm chairs. Derek walked over to the couch as did Meredith, sitting beside him. Lexie then sat next to Meredith. Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith's shoulder and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"This was nice," Susan said.

"Yeah," Meredith said fighting the urge to fall asleep. "I'm glad we did this."

"Me too," Lexie said beside Meredith. Glancing over at her sister with a smile as she snuggled closer to Derek, her eyes drooping.

"Me too," Thatch suddenly said quietly. Meredith opened her eyes slightly and smiled at him, before drifting off.

xxx

Derek glanced down at Meredith asleep on his shoulder and smiled. "I think I better get her to bed," he said softly.

"Yeah," Susan said, standing up. "It is getting late." She glanced at her watch. "Well not really, but for a woman in her first trimester…"

Derek chuckled and stood up, lifting Meredith in his arms. "She's been exhausted lately," Derek said. "Is it like this the whole time?"

"Oh no," Susan said, shaking her head. "She'll have more energy than she'll know what do with in the second trimester."

"Looking forward to that," Derek said, chuckling. Meredith sighed in her sleep and rested her head on his chest. He smiled at her. "Anyway, it was really great meeting you all."

"You too," Susan said.

"Tell Meredith thank you when she wakes up," Lexie said, smiling at Derek.

"I definitely will," he replied. "Good night!" he then called as they walked outside.

He then walked up the stairs and towards their room. He bumped into Izzie on the way. "How'd it go?" Izzie said, glancing at an unconscious Meredith with a smirk.

"It went well," Derek said. "Your chicken was a hit."

"Well I try," Izzie said.

"Thank you for doing that."

"It was no problem," Izzie replied, walking away with a smile.

Derek walked into their bedroom and got Meredith under the covers. He then climbed in himself and wrapped his arm around her stomach, kissing her on the cheek softly. Meredith opened her eyes slightly and smiled. "I've been dreaming about this all night," she said sleepily.

"I've been dreaming about this forever," Derek said softly. He placed his hand on her stomach and stroked it softly. "I love you so much," he said. "And I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too," Meredith said, before drifting off as Derek traced slow circles on her stomach.


	20. You Know You Love It

The alarm went off and Meredith awoke with a groan. Derek leaned forward and kissed her neck softly. "Morning," he whispered into her ear.

Meredith groaned again. "I hate you."

Derek chuckled. "If you get up fast enough I'll make you breakfast."

"No," Meredith said, burying her face in a pillow.

"I'll make pancakes…"

Meredith turned and looked at Derek. "With blueberries?"

"Of course."

"Fine," Meredith said, rolling off the bed and walking into the bathroom. "They better be ready when I get out of the shower!" she called. Derek laughed and got up, walking downstairs.

xxx

Meredith walked downstairs and walked downstairs. The smell of pancakes filled her nose and she smiled, walking into the kitchen. "Are they ready?" she asked, taking a seat at the table.

Derek looked up at her. "Almost." Meredith yawned and rested her head on the table. Derek frowned. "Wow you really are tired."

Without lifting her head Meredith replied, "Of course I am, you think I was lying?"

"Well you do tend to dramatize things."

"That's not the point," Meredith said, lifting her head slightly and glaring at him. Derek chuckled and put a couple pancakes on a plate, bringing them over to her.

She smiled and dug in immediately. "Thank you," she said, already stuffing her mouth. He sat down across from her with his plate and began eating too. "I am so in love with you right now," she said between bites.

"Glad to be of service," Derek said with a grin.

xxx

Meredith walked out of the OR, yawning uncontrollably. She met Dr. Burke at the sinks.

"Dr. Grey," Dr. Burke greeted her.

Meredith yawned. "Hi, Dr. Burke."

"Tired?" Burke asked.

Meredith nodded. "Just a tad."

"How many more hours do you have left in your shift?"

"Just an hour," Meredith said, grabbing a paper towel and drying her hands.

"Why don't you go get some sleep," Burke offered, taking a paper towel as well.

Meredith eyed him carefully. It wasn't like Burke or any of the doctors for that matter to give interns breaks. "Christina told you didn't she," Meredith said finally.

Burke laughed. "Even if she hadn't, I would've known. The whole hospital knows by now."

Meredith groaned. "That sucks." She glanced up at him. "Can I really…" She paused to yawn. "Go sleep?"

Burke smiled slightly. "Yes."

Meredith sighed in relief. "Thank you."

xxx

Derek was looking for Meredith at the end of his shift when he ran into Dr. Burke. "Dr. Burke," Derek said.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Have you seen Meredith?" Derek asked.

"I think she's sleeping," Burke answered with a slight smirk. "She practically fell asleep in the scrub room when she was scrubbing out."

Derek chuckled. "Thanks."

"No problem," Burke answered. Derek began to walk away, but he called out. "Hey, do you want to come over for dinner some time?"

Derek turned around. "Yeah, that sounds good."

Burke nodded. "I'll see you later Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Burke."

xxx

Derek found Meredith in one of the on call rooms and smiled. She was sound asleep. He walked over and brushed a strand of hair out her face. She opened her eyes slightly. "Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," he replied. "You ready to go?"

"No," she said. "Too tired." She closed her eyes again.

Derek chuckled. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Meredith said.

"Well then you leave me no choice," Derek said. And with that he stood up and scooped her up in his arms. She yelped softly, but didn't protest. He opened the door carefully and walked outside. Meredith smiled and laid her head on his chest. People glanced their way, but Derek ignored them as he made his way towards the front door. He walked outside and to the car, placing Meredith in the passenger seat.

"You are very nice," Meredith said to him as he got in.

Derek chuckled. "No I'm not." He gazed at her for a second. "I'm just in love."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Jeez," she said. "You really need to work on your lines."

"You know you love it," Derek said.

Meredith turned to him and smiled, but didn't say anything.

xxx

Later that night as they laid in bed together, Derek said, "Hey did I tell you that Lexie said thank you?"

"No, you didn't," Meredith said, looking up at him. "She said that?"

"Yeah, she had a good time. They all did," he told her.

"I can't believe I fell asleep," she said, sighing.

"No, it was cute," Derek said smiling.

"I'm sure," Meredith said, rolling her eyes at him.

"Everybody understood."

"I still can't believe I told them," Meredith said, absentmindedly rubbing her stomach. "My dad probably hates me even more now."

"He never hated you in the first place," Derek said. "And anyway, why would he hate you for being pregnant."

"He probably thinks I'm a slut."

Derek couldn't help but laughing. Meredith glared at him. "I'm sorry," Derek said, smiling down at her. "It's just that that is ridiculous."

"I guess you're right," Meredith said quietly.

"I am right," Derek said, leaning down and kissing her on the lips. "I'm always right."

"That is so not true," Meredith said, placing her hand in the middle of his chest and pushing him away.

"It totally is," Derek said.

Meredith scowled. "We have to do something about that ego of yours."

Derek chuckled and kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her. She leaned into him and rested her head on his chest. "I'm tired," she said.

"I know," Derek said, kissing her on top of the head.

"I'm going to sleep," Meredith said quietly.

"It's only four o'clock in the afternoon," he said.

"Hey, you're the one who suggested we come up here in the first place," Meredith said.

"Yeah, but I didn't think we would sleep."

Meredith lifted her head and looked at him. "You dirty, dirty boy," she said. Derek laughed and leaned down and kissed her deeply. She sighed into his mouth contentedly. "I'm still sleeping, though," she said, pulling away and plopping her head on his chest again.

"What am I supposed to do?" Derek said.

"Hold me."

"But I'm not tired," Derek said, but even as he said it, he tightened his grasp around her.

"You better not leave me," Meredith said.

Derek smiled and kissed her forehead. "Never."


	21. Love of My Life

Meredith heard her cell phone ring from where she sat in the living room with Derek. She got up and ran into the kitchen, grabbing it off the table quickly and pressing it to her ear. "Hello?" she said.

"Hi," someone said on the other end. "Meredith?"

"Yes," Meredith answered, furrowing her brow as she tried to figure out who it was. "Who is this?"

"It's Lexie."

"Oh, Lexie, hi!" Meredith said, surprised at how glad she was that she had called. "Wait, how did you get this number?"

"It's a long story…" Lexie said. She paused. "Listen, I kind of need a favor."

"Sure," Meredith said. "What's up?"

"I kind of need you to come pick me up," Lexie said sheepishly.

Meredith frowned. "Where are you?"

"At Joe's bar, you know the one across from the hospital…"

"Yeah, I know it," Meredith said. "Are you okay?

"I'm fine." Lexie sighed and was silent for a moment. "I was kind of ditched…"

"Oh," Meredith said. "I don't mean to sound, well mean, but don't you have friends who could pick you up?"

"I literally couldn't reach anybody. It is a Friday night…most people are out…"

Meredith couldn't help but laughing. "Thanks, Lexie, that's nice."

"Oh, no! I'm sorry, I didn't mean that…" Lexie practically yelled in her embarrassment.

"No, it's fine," Meredith said, smiling. "Most pregnant women don't make it a habit of partying on Friday night." Meredith heard Lexie laugh on the other end. "Listen, it's really no problem. I'll come pick you up."

"Thank you so much," Lexie said.

"I'll see you in a little bit."

xxx

After hanging up, Meredith walked back into the living room. "Who was it?" Derek asked.

"Lexie," Meredith replied.

"How is she?" Derek asked.

"She needs me to pick her up."

"Oh," Derek said with a grin. "Party animal, huh?"

"She was ditched," Meredith said, coming around the couch and sitting next to Derek. He turned and looked at her, his brow furrowed.

"By who?"

"I don't know, she didn't say," Meredith said, pulling on her shoes.

"Huh," Derek said. "Want me to come?"

"No," Meredith said. "I'm fine."

"Okay." He leaned over and kissed her softly. "I'll miss you," he said.

She laughed at him. "You are so pathetic."

"Only when I'm with you."

"Are you saying I bring out the worst in you?" Meredith asked, standing up and glaring down at him.

Derek stared up at her, his mouth slightly agape. "Of course not…Of course you…Don't you have to go?"

Meredith laughed. "Haha," she said triumphantly. "Coward." She began to walk towards the door.

"Only when I'm with you!" Derek yelled after her.

"I love you!" Meredith called over her shoulder.

"Love you too!" Derek called back.

xxx

Meredith parked her car outside of Joes and walked inside. She scanned the room for Lexie before walking over and sitting at the bar. "Hey!" Joe greeted her. "I haven't seen you in a while. What can I get for you? Tequila?"

"No, I'm fine" Meredith said smiling. "I'm off alcohol."

"Celibate?"

"No, pregnant."

Joe stared at her, his mouth hanging open. "Really?"

"Yup."

"Huh," Joe said, eyeing her carefully. "Never would've thought."

"Thanks," Meredith said sarcastically, but she was smiling.

"Hey!" someone greeted Meredith from behind.

Meredith turned around on her bar stool and smiled at Lexie. "Hey," she greeted her.

"Do you have to leave right away?" Lexie asked. "I mean we could…you know…"

"We could…"

"Have a drink," Lexie finished. "Or you know, a soda," she added, motioning towards Meredith's stomach.

"You want to?" Meredith asked.

Lexie nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Okay," Meredith said as Lexie sat down next to her. "Could I get a Sprite, Joe?"

"Sure," he replied. He looked at Lexie. "Anything for you?"

"Yeah, I'll have a beer," Lexie said. An awkward silence ensued and Lexie glanced nervously at Meredith.

"So what happened?" Meredith asked finally. "I mean, who ditched you."

"Oh, it's kind of embarrassing," Lexie said, glancing at her hands.

"C'mon, you can tell me," Meredith said. "I am your sister," she added carefully.

Lexie looked at her and a smile spread across her face. She nodded her head slightly. "Yeah, I guess that's true." She paused for a second. "Okay, well it all started when this friend I have, Jack, asked me for a drink. And he's my friend you know. I thought it was like friends going out for a drink. At least I thought that's what it was."

"Ah," Meredith said, taking a sip of her soda. "I see where this is going."

Lexie laughed slightly. "Yeah, so we got here and we sat down and he just stares at me. For like five minutes. I was a little freaked out."

"Well sure," Meredith said.

"So anyway, then he reaches across the table and grabs my hand and says, 'I'm in love with you'."

Meredith laughed. "Wow," she said. "This is good."

"No it wasn't!" Lexie cried. "It was painful!"

"Maybe for you," Meredith said. "I'm enjoying this." She paused for a second and then added, "That's what sisters do right? Laugh at each other's pain?"

Lexie smiled slightly and nodded. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Pretty much."

Meredith nodded and took a sip from her drink. "So anyway," she finally said. "What happened?"

"Well I tried to let him down gently, but he didn't take it very well," Lexie said, grinning. "So he ditched me."

"Jeez," Meredith said. "Cheap shot."

Lexie laughed. "I can't believe he left. I mean, if I was really the love of his life, wouldn't he at least give me a ride home?"

"One would think," Meredith said.

"Do you think that Derek is the love of your life?" Lexie asked suddenly.

Meredith turned and looked at her, caught off guard. "Yeah," she said after a moment of thought. "Yeah, I think he is."

"That must be nice," Lexie said absentmindedly, taking a sip of her beer.

Meredith looked at her carefully. "You okay?" she asked, her voice softer than she expected.

Lexie turned and looked at her and to Meredith's surprise, tears filled her eyes. "I was pregnant once," she said softly, glancing away from Meredith. "About a year ago. I had a miscarriage."

"I'm so sorry, Lexie," Meredith said gently.

"Yeah, well," Lexie said, bowing her head. She suddenly looked up at Meredith. "Don't tell my parents…they don't know."

"Of course…Of course, I won't say anything," Meredith replied.

"Thanks."

"You ready to go?" Meredith asked.

Lexie looked up at her. "Yeah."

xxx

Both Lexie and Meredith were quiet on the drive to Lexie's house. Every once in a while Meredith would glance over at Lexie who was gazing out the window with a far away look. Meredith didn't know how to feel. She was surprised at how protective she felt. It was strange to her. She blamed on her hormones. Motherly instincts and all.

They arrived at Lexie's house. "You gonna be okay?" Meredith said, before she thought not to.

Lexie looked over at her and nodded. "You should come in," she said softly. It was the first thing she had said the whole ride.

"No, it's okay," Meredith replied.

"You sure?" Lexie said.

"Yeah," Meredith said.

Lexie unbuckled her seat belt and began to get out of the car. "I'll call you, I guess," she said.

"I'd like that," Meredith said.

Lexie smiled and Meredith watched as she walked up to her front door. Thatch opened it and looked up at Meredith. She waved at him and he waved back, smiling. With that Meredith drove away.

xxx

Meredith walked into the front door and up the stairs. She found Derek sitting in bed, reading. He put his book down when he saw her walk in. She put down her purse and took off her shoes before climbing in bed beside him.

He wrapped his arm around her as she settled against his chest, sighing softly. "Hey Derek?" she asked.

"Yeah?" he said.

"You're the love of my life."

He smiled down at her and kissed her on the top of her head. "And you're the love of mine," he replied.


	22. Snickers and Lovely Nothings

George walked into the house and slammed the door loudly. Meredith and Derek glanced up at him from the couch. "George?" Meredith asked, looking at him carefully.

He turned towards her, glaring. "I hate my life!" he grumbled before walking into the kitchen. Meredith turned towards Derek with her eyebrows raised.

"Huh," Derek said. "That was interesting."

"I should go see what happened," Meredith said, trying not to be amused by George's little tirade. "I'll be right back."

"Have fun," Derek said, chuckling.

"Oh you know I will," Meredith said as she got up and walked into the kitchen. George was pacing back and forth yelling about Snickers and Callie and birthdays. Izzie and Alex were standing beside the fridge, watching him and looking slightly terrified. Meredith joined them.

"I can't believe her!" George was saying. "I am a good boyfriend! I am like the best boyfriend ever! I mean come on! Everyone makes mistakes!"

Meredith turned to Izzie. "What's going on?" she said under breath.

"Bambi is freaking out, that's what," Alex said, scoffing at George as he paced and ranted.

"Callie broke up with him," Izzie said, ignoring Alex's comment.

"What happened?" Meredith asked as she watched George freak out.

"Well, it was Callie's birthday and George got her all these presents one of which was a case of Snicker bars, because they are her favorite."

"What's wrong with that?" Meredith asked, turning to Izzie, her brow furrowed.

"Well nothing in theory," Izzie replied. "But when you add it with, 'I bet you'll finish those in a day', it gets a little iffy."

"Oh my God," Meredith said. "He inadvertently called her fat."

"Yup," Izzie said, nodding.

"What is it with chicks and the word fat?" Alex said. He turned towards Meredith and Izzie who were both glaring at him. "You're beautiful," Alex said quickly to Izzie, leaning down and kissing her on the lips.

"Yeah, yeah," Izzie said, pushing him away.

"I don't think she's fat!" George was yelling. "She's beautiful! I love her! I even told her that!"

"George," Izzie said. He didn't hear her. "George?" she said a little louder. He continued ranting and pacing. "George!" she yelled. He stopped in his tracks and looked up at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Shut up," Meredith said. George looked from Meredith to Izzie to Alex.

"Sorry," he said.

"Why did you tell him to stop?" Alex said. "I was enjoying that."

George glared at Alex. "I hate you."

"Oh Jesus," Meredith said, walking over to George. "Calm down. So she broke up with you? It's not the end of the world."

George was silent for a moment. "I guess you're right. But I didn't call her fat!"

"I know," Izzie said, walking over to him as well and taking his head. "I know."

"Yeah, dude, her loss," Alex said, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer.

"Exactly," Izzie said.

"It still sucks," George said sadly, sitting down on a stool.

"Yeah it is," Meredith told him. "But maybe she'll come around."

"You think so?"

"Of course," Izzie said, but then proceeded to look over George's head at Meredith, mouthing the word "no". Meredith burst out laughing and George looked up at her.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," they both said.

xxx

Meredith walked back into the living room and plopped down next to Derek. He looked over at her expectantly. "Callie broke up with George, because he called her fat."

"Ah," he said, nodding.

Meredith looked over at him, her face serious. "Do I look fat?"

"No," Derek said immediately.

"I'm gonna soon," she said gloomily, crossing her arms.

"No, you're going to be beautiful," Derek said.

Meredith looked over at him and smiled. "Your so full of shit," she said, laughing.

He chuckled and leaned over, kissing her softly, before moving his hand to her stomach and stroking it softly.

"I can't believe how adorable you are," Meredith said as she watched him move his hand over her stomach.

Derek chuckled and lifted her shirt slightly before pressing a kiss to her bare stomach. "I can't believe how beautiful you are," he said, looking up at her.

Meredith laughed. "Seriously! Where do you get these lines?"

"Internet."

"Seriously?"

"No." Derek smiled at her. "I guess it's just an innate ability."

"What? Coming up with cheesy lines?" Meredith said.

"No, making women fall at my feet," Derek told her.

Meredith laughed. "Haha," she said. "You are just on fire tonight."

"No, you are."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, shaking her head. "You're ridiculous." She turned to look at him, but his face was serious. "What?" she asked, quietly. He leaned over and kissed her deeply. She smiled against his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. When they pulled apart Meredith looked up at him. "What was that for?" she asked breathlessly.

"Nothing."


	23. Meredith?

"Meredith," Derek said as he sank onto one knee, "will you marry me?" He looked up at Meredith as she stared down at him, her mouth slightly agape. She was silent for a long time, looking from the ring in his hand to his eyes sparkling with hope. "Meredith?" he asked, searching her face. "Meredith?"

Derek's voice faded away as Meredith's mind wandered back to twenty-four hours earlier.

xxx

_"Would you like to dance?" he asked her, looking into her eyes from across the table. She nodded and they stood, walking out onto the dance floor among the other couples._

_Derek had made reservations at a nice restaurant. He had said it was for their anniversary. When he had told her this, Meredith had looked at him strangely. "Our anniversary of what? We've known each other for a year and two months."_

_"Then it's our anniversary of a year and two months," he had said, his eyes sparkling. _

_"What are you up to?" Meredith had asked, eyeing him carefully._

_"Nothing," he had answered._

_But she knew better, she just couldn't figure out what he had up his sleeve. _

_He held her close on the dance floor, his arms wrapped tightly around her as they swayed to the music. Meredith, as usual since the beginning of her second month, was exhausted, so she leaned her head on his chest, her arms draped around his neck and shut her eyes. "You falling asleep on me?" he whispered into her ear. _

_"Just resting," she said quietly. He smiled and kissed her on top of the head, holding her tighter._

_"You know, we haven't even gotten our desert yet," Derek said. Meredith smiled when she heard the amusement in his voice. She could jus imagine him smirking down at her. _

_"I blame you," she replied. _

_"Why?" Derek asked, chuckling._

_"You did this to me," Meredith said softly._

_Derek laughed. "I'm sorry," he said._

_"No, don't be," Meredith replied. "I like being pregnant. It makes me feel…"she paused, trying to think of the word. "Whole, I guess," she finished. "And happy," she added._

_Though she couldn't see it, since her eyes were closed, Derek was beaming. "I love you so much," he said quietly, his voice betraying the emotion he was feeling. She pulled back from him slightly and looked into his eyes._

_"I love you too," she said, smiling. He leaned down and kissed her gently, pulling her body closer to his. She sighed into his lips. He made her feel so beautiful. And so loved. "Want to get desert?" she asked when they pulled apart._

_He grinned. "Do you think you can stay awake through it?" _

_"I'll try my hardest," she said. _

_They walked back over to their table and sat down. Meredith surveyed the menu. "I think I'll have the lava cake. I've been craving chocolate lately." She put down the menu and looked at him across the table. "What're you getting?" she asked._

_"The same."_

_"Copy cat."_

_Derek smiled at her as their waiter approached. "We'll have two orders of the lava cake," Derek told the waiter. She nodded and walked away. _

_"Is our waiter's name Sarah?" Meredith asked._

_Derek looked up at her, smirking slightly. "What?" he asked._

_"Do you like that name?"_

_"Um, yeah," Derek said. "Well, actually…"_

_"What?" Meredith said. She leaned forward slightly. "Ex-girlfriend? Mistress?"_

_"No, fifth grade teacher," Derek said, shaking his head. "God, I hated her."_

_Meredith laughed at him. "Why? What did she do?"_

_"She was really mean," Derek said, pouting slightly, eliciting a giggle from Meredith. "I remember this one time, around Halloween, I bought these really awesome shades to go with my costume. I was so proud of them (thought I just looked so hot) that I wore them to school. But then my teacher, Mrs. Yates was her name, took them away from me. She said that it was against the dress code." Derek paused for a second, smiling at the memory. "Then when I asked for them back at the end of day, though, she said she had lost them."_

_"Oh, you poor thing," Meredith said._

_"I was heartbroken," Derek said. Meredith smiled at him and they were both silent for a second. "You know," Derek said suddenly. "I've been thinking."_

_"About what?" Meredith asked._

_"About my life. Our life."_

_"That's a very broad topic," Meredith said, wondering to herself where he was going with this. _

_"It is, but I think I finally have it figured out," Derek said as a smile spread across his face. "And I have a question to ask."_

_Meredith felt her heart jump in her chest. Her eyes widened slightly. She knew what was coming. She folded her hands in her lap and glanced at the ground. _Oh my God, Oh my God, _she thought to herself. She looked back up at him. He was watching her intently. She watched as he opened his mouth to speak, but then their pagers went off. They both jumped slightly in their seats._

_Meredith grabbed her pager out of her purse and glanced at it. "Dammit," she muttered. "911." She looked back up at him. She felt shaky. "We should go." _

_"Yeah," Derek said, looking disappointed. "We should." _

_"I'll go grab my coat and be right back," Meredith said, getting up from the table. _

_Almost as soon as she left, the waiter returned carrying their deserts. Derek looked at Meredith's desert as the waiter put it on the table. He frowned slightly and reached out, grabbing the ring which sat in the middle of the cake, tucking it into his pocket. He looked up and saw Meredith returning, so he got up. _

_"Ready?" she asked._

_"Yup," he said, smiling. She smiled back and looped her arm through his as they walked outside. _

xxx

_Meredith's shift ended a couple hours before Derek's so she went home and up to her room, thinking that she would take a nap before he got home. But she was finding it very hard to sleep. Her mind kept wandering back to their dinner. _Was he really going to propose? _She was thinking to herself. She kept wondering if she had misunderstood. _But what else could he be getting at?

_She shook her head slightly and shut her eyes, but another question almost immediately popped into her head. _Am I happy? _Meredith considered the question. She loved him so much. She always figured they would get married, she just never thought it would be so soon. She sighed and sat up in bed, shaking her head. _

_Suddenly, she heard the front door open. She got up and walked downstairs. It was Derek. She grinned and ran down the stairs into his arms. As she stood in the foyer with his arms wrapped around her, she was overcome with the feeling of peace. She wanted to stay with him forever. _

_He pulled away and smiled down at her, but suddenly something occurred to Meredith. _What if he's doing this just because I'm pregnant? _She thought to herself. _He wouldn't, would he? _She looked into his eyes, searching them, but found no answer within their depths. _

_He leaned down and kissed her softly. "I have to ask you something," he whispered into her ear, causing her heart to leap. _

_He took her hand and led her into the living room. "I love you so much," he said quietly, his voice shaking slightly. _

_She smiled at him, her heart racing. "I love you too," she said._

_He smiled and kissed her deeply. _Oh God, Oh God. _When he pulled away, he swallowed and let out a breath. Meredith watched as he slowly got down on one knee. _

_"Meredith, will you marry me?"_

Meredith took a deep breath. She loved him so much, she really did. She looked at him. She searched his face, his eyes. She realized she had been silent for some time now.

_"Meredith?" Derek said, his voice soft. "Meredith?"_


	24. I Have to Tell You

_"Meredith?" he said, his voice soft. "Meredith?"_

Meredith was jolted back to reality. "Derek, I…" she frowned. "I don't want you to do this, just because I'm pregnant." She looked at the ground, her heart aching.

He could hear the genuine pain in her voice. How could she think that? He got up and reached up, stroking her cheek softly. "Meredith." She continued to look at the floor. "Meredith." She glanced up at him. "If I ask you to marry me, it's because I want to spend the rest of my life with you." A smile slowly spread across her face. He was soon mirroring her smile.

"Then my answer is yes," she said, laughing out loud. "Yes!"

He grinned and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her off the floor and spinning around. "Oh God," he said lowering her to the floor. "I love you so much." He leaned down and kissed her deeply, before pulling back and slipping the ring on her finger. "Perfect fit."

She smiled up at him. "Perfect fit."

xxx

As soon as Meredith arrived at the hospital for the next shift, she immediately began to look for Christina. She walked into the locker room, beaming and sat down next to Izzie. "You look happy," Izzie observed.

"I am," Meredith said, grinning. "Have you seen Christina?"

"No not yet," Izzie replied, standing up. "Probably just late."

"Yeah," Meredith said frowning. "Probably."

Bailey walked into the locker room and her interns gathered around her. "Um, Dr. Bailey?" Meredith said as she threw her hair into a messy ponytail. "Have you seen Christina?"

Bailey glanced over at Meredith. "She asked for the day off."

"Do you know why?" Meredith asked.

"Do I look like the frickin messiah? No. Do your rounds," Bailey replied. Meredith sighed and filed outside.

xxx

Meredith and Derek met for lunch. As soon as Derek saw her walking towards him, he smiled. Once she reached him, he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her. "Hello, future wife," he said.

"Hello, future husband," Meredith said. Derek glanced down at her hand.

"You're not wearing the ring. Don't you like it?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Oh, no," Meredith replied hastily. "I love it. It's beautiful…it's just I haven't told Christina…and I have to, because she's my person…and she has to sort of…she'll make it real…"

Derek smirked. "So you need Christina's approval."

"No! That's not what I meant…I just…I just have to tell her. Okay?" Meredith finished.

Derek looked down at her carefully and nodded his head. "Okay."

xxx

The first chance she got, Meredith called Christina's apartment. Burke answered.

"Hi, Dr. Burke," Meredith said. "Is, uh, is Christina…okay?"

"She's…well…" Burke paused on the other end.

"She's what?" Meredith asked anxiously.

"Her mother died."

"Oh," Meredith said. "Oh. Can I come over?"

"She's actually been wanting to talk to you." Burke was silent or a moment. "She's been in bed all day…I don't really know…what to do. She won't talk to me…"

Meredith frowned. Why was Christina shutting Burke out? "I'll be right over."

xxx

Meredith knocked on the apartment door and Burke answered. He smiled sadly at her as she walked in. "Nice to see you," he said.

Meredith nodded and offered a sympathetic smile. "Is she in there?" Meredith asked, motioning towards the bedroom door. Burke nodded and Meredith walked over, opening the door.

Christina was lying in bed, asleep. Meredith could tell she had been crying. She walked over and lay down next to Christina, facing her. "Christina," she said. No response. "Wake up…" Christina slowly opened her eyes. "Hi," Meredith said softly.

Christina looked up at her, her eyes glassy. "I miss her," she said softly, before tears began to stream down her face. Meredith wrapped her arms around her.

"I know," Meredith said softly. Her mind wandered to her own mother. Meredith had lost her five years ago. "Hey, Christina?" she said softly.

Christina looked up at her. "Yeah?" she said.

"I know you shouldn't care about this at all right now, but I just have to tell you something…to make it real." She paused and smiled slightly. "I'm marrying Derek."

Christina nodded her head and smiled. She understood. She understood why Meredith had to tell her. "That's great."

"Thanks," Meredith said. After a moment of silence Meredith asked, "Why are you shutting Burke out?"

Christina shook her head. "I don't know. I hate being this…weak."

"You're not weak. You're mom just died. If you didn't cry I would think something was wrong with you," Meredith said.

Christina smiled faintly. "I guess…it's just…"

"He wants to take care of you Christina."

Christina nodded. "I guess you're right." They were quiet again for a while. "Just don't leave me yet," Christina said.

"Okay," Meredith said softly.


	25. I Know

**Hey everybody. First of all, thank you for all of the amazing reviews! I love them! Anyway, just wanted to say hi. I really liked writing this next chapter. It explores the Meredith/Alex friendship a little bit, which I found really fun to do. Hope you enjoy!**

As soon as Christina fell asleep, Meredith slipped out of the bedroom. Burke looked up at her hopefully. She smiled at him and took a few steps toward where he sat on the couch, with a book open in his lap. "She's fine," Meredith told him. "Sad, but fine."

Burke nodded and bowed his head slightly, closing his book and shifting in his seat. "Did she ask for me?" he asked.

Meredith shook her head. "She was really tired."

"Right, of course," Burke said, sitting back. "You heading home?"

Meredith nodded and began to backup towards the door. "Yeah," she said. "I'm pretty tired."

"Okay," Burke said, smiling slightly. "I'll see you tomorrow."

xxx

Meredith walked into her house and shut the door quietly. She looked into the living room, but no one was there. She then walked upstairs and found Derek in bed, reading. "Hey," she said, taking off her shoes and jacket and climbing into the bed beside him.

"Hey," he said, wrapping his arm around her. "How's Christina?"

"Her mom died," Meredith said quietly.

Derek looked down at her. "That's horrible."

"Yeah," Meredith said, glancing up at him. "It is."

xxx

Christina awoke in the middle of the night alone. For a second she forgot what had happened and wondered where Burke was. Then she remembered. She sat up in bed and stared at the bedroom door, which was slightly open. _I miss him, _she suddenly thought to herself. The thought startled her slightly, but was oddly comforting. It was nice to realize herself that she truly loved him.

She slid off the bed. The floor felt cold on her bare feet as she walked on tiptoe over to the door and opened it quietly. He was asleep on the couch, a book open across his chest. She walked over and sat cross-legged on the floor beside him. She reached out and traced his jaw line softly. He opened his eyes and looked her. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, not moving.

She folded her hands in her lap and looked down. "I missed you," she told him, glancing up at his face. His expression was somewhere along the lines of relieved.

"I missed you," he said. She smiled faintly, as her eyes filled with tears. "C'mere," he said when he saw her tear stained face.

She stood up and lay down alongside of him on the sofa, resting her head on his chest. "I'm sorry I was bitch," she said.

"I forgive you," he said.

"I guess when your mom dies you get major sympathy points," she said.

"Guess so," he said, leaning down and kissing her on the forehead.

"I'm gonna be sad for a while," Christina said.

"Okay," Burke answered in a whisper. "Okay."

xxx

Meredith couldn't sleep. Which was really annoying, because she was utterly exhausted. She turned and looked at Derek, sleeping peacefully with his arm slung across her stomach. Slowly, she slid out from under his arm and off the bed. She tiptoed across the room and out the door, grabbing her robe on her way out.

She walked into the kitchen and switched on the light, wrapping her robe tighter around her. She walked over to the fridge and opened it, examining its contents. Nothing caught her eye so she just grabbed a glass and filled it up under the tap. She took a long slow drink, letting the cool water run down her throat, soothing her slightly and…

"Jesus Christ!" Meredith yelled, spilling her water all over the floor as the kitchen door banged open. She turned and saw Alex walk in towards the fridge. "Holy crap, Alex, you scared me!"

"Sorry," he grunted. "Couldn't sleep either?"

"No," Meredith said, grabbing a towel and mopping up the spilt water. She stood up and threw the towel in the sink, leaning back against the counter and bowing her head. Alex glanced up at her.

"You okay?" he asked.

Meredith opened her eyes and looked up at him. "I'm exhausted," she told him.

"I thought you said you couldn't sleep?" Alex said, grabbing the orange juice out of the fridge and walking over next to her.

"I know, it sucks," Meredith said. Alex chuckled beside her, filling a glass and taking a sip.

"Probably hormones or something," Alex said, walking over and sitting on a stool.

"That seems to be the answer to everything lately," Meredith said, letting out a sigh.

"Sorry," Alex said.

"No," Meredith replied. "Don't be. It's probably true." She looked away from him and subconsciously rubbed her stomach.

"Are you scared?" Alex said suddenly.

Meredith turned and looked at him carefully. "Of what?"

"Being a mother."

Meredith closed her eyes for second and her lips curved into a faint smile. "Kind of," she said honestly.

"I couldn't do it."

"Be a mother? I hope not."

Alex smiled slightly. "I mean, be a parent. I would be horrible at it."

Meredith couldn't help but smiling at him. "No, I don't buy that," she told him. "I think you would be good at it."

Alex looked at her like a child asking for reassurance. "You think so?"

"You would be the cool dad," Meredith said. "The one that coached little league and took his kids on camping trips."

Alex nodded his head slowly, a distant look in his eye. "That doesn't sound so bad."

Meredith laughed. "See? You'd be a good dad." Alex nodded. "Hey, why the sudden anxiety?"

Alex shook his head. "No reason." He finished off his orange juice and got up, walking over to Meredith and putting it in the sink next to her. "You tired yet?"

Meredith frowned. "No."

"You want to watch TV or something?" Alex asked, motioning towards the living room.

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

They walked outside and sat down on the couch. Alex picked up the clicker and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. He finally settled on a hospital show. "This okay?" he asked, turning towards Meredith.

"Yeah," Meredith said. "It's fine." She settled back against the cushions and rested her hands on her stomach, smiling to herself.

xxx

Alex turned and found that Meredith had fallen asleep next to him. He smiled faintly and got up, walking upstairs. He walked to Meredith's room and knocked on the door softly. He could so the faint outline of Derek as he sat up in bed. "Hello?" he said, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"Hey," Alex said. "Just wanted to tell you that Meredith is asleep on the couch. Thought you might want to save her from a serious neck-crick in the morning."

Derek rubbed his eyes and looked at Alex strangely. "How did she get on the couch?"

"We both couldn't sleep," Alex explained.

Derek nodded his head. "Oh." Alex waved slightly and turned to go. "Thanks!" Derek called after him, before getting up and walking downstairs.

He found Meredith on the couch and smiled. He walked over and scooped her up in his arms. She opened her eyes slightly. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," Derek answered, making his way up the staircase.

"How did you know I was down there?" Meredith said softly, resting her head on his chest.

"Alex told me," Derek said.

Meredith smiled faintly. "He isn't that bad, you know."

Derek smiled and kissed her on top of the forehead. "I know," he said. Meredith smiled again, closing her eyes as Derek laid her on the bed and climbed in behind her, pulling her against his body. "I love you, you know."

"I know," Meredith replied before falling asleep.


	26. Really?

"I think that we should have the wedding soon," Meredith said as she and Derek lay in bed one morning. He was lying behind her and her head rested in the crook of his arm.

"Why?" Derek said.

"So I don't look like a whale when I walk down the aisle," Meredith replied.

Derek absentmindedly moved his hand across her stomach. "You won't look like a whale," he told her.

She laughed and turned in his arms. "Don't go all McDreamy on me," she told him. "I will look like a whale and you know it."

"Fine," Derek said. "But a beautiful whale."

"Oh shut up," Meredith said, flipping back over. He leaned down and began to kiss her neck softly. Meredith sighed quietly. "You're evil. Taking advantage of a woman and her hormones."

Derek chuckled and wrapped his arm around her stomach, pulling her against his body. "You know, you have a doctor's appointment today."

"I do?" Meredith said. "I thought that was next week."

"Nope," Derek answered. "3:00 today."

Meredith sighed. "Well I should get up. I have to go make sure Christina is okay."

xxx

Meredith knocked on Christina's apartment door quietly. "Come in!" She heard Burke's voice from inside and opened the door.

"Hi," she said, walking into the apartment. "Is Christina here?"

Burke smiled slightly. "She already went into the hospital."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." Burke shook his head slightly. "I understand, though. When you're in that OR, you forget everything."

Meredith nodded. "Even your dead mother."

Burke looked up at her, his eyes gleaming faintly. "Even that," he said.

xxx

Meredith walked into the hospital and went straight to the locker room. She found Christina at her locker, getting ready. "Hey," Meredith called out.

Christina looked at her. "Hey."

Meredith walked over and sat on the bench beside Christina. "You okay?"

Christina looked down at her for a second before plopping down next to her. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Meredith said, looking at her carefully. "Good answer."

"Why is that a good answer?" Christina asked, narrowing her eyes slightly at Meredith.

"Because it means that you're dealing with it," Meredith said reasonably. "If you said 'no' then it would've meant you were feeling sorry for yourself and if you said 'yes' it would've meant you were running away."

"Shut up," Christina said, shaking her head.

"Hey!" Meredith said, elbowing Christina. "You're mean."

"Yeah," Christina said, looking over at Meredith with a smirk. "And?"

Meredith laughed. "You're fine." Christina smiled slightly. "Ready?"

"Yeah," Christina said, and with that they got up and walked outside.

xxx

Derek met Meredith at three for the appointment. "Hey," Meredith said. Derek smiled at her and kissed her softly.

"Hey back," he said. "Ready?" Meredith nodded and they walked into an exam room. Meredith giggled softly. "What?" Derek asked, looking at her with a slight smile.

"It's nothing, it's just that..." she smiled up at him. "This is where it all started. This was where the act was committed."

Derek chuckled. "That is true." He leaned down and gave her kiss. "You want to commit that act again?" he said softly.

Meredith laughed and pushed him away. "You are shameless."

Just then Addison walked into the room.

xxx

"Everything seems fine," Addison said as she examined the ultrasound screen. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Addison," Meredith said as Addison wiped the gel off of Meredith stomach.

"No problem," Addison said with a smile. "Do you guys have any questions?"

"So everything is perfect, right?" Derek said.

Addison laughed and looked at Derek. For a second, and only a second, she felt her self remembering the way it felt to fall in love with him. He was a good man. But a man who was not in love with her. She glanced at the ground, clearing her head, before looking back up at them. "Everything is perfect," she told them

Meredith smiled as did Derek. "Thanks Addie," Derek said, before turning and giving Meredith a quick kiss.

Addison began walking away, but paused in the doorway. "So I'll see you again in a couple of months, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith said.

xxx

That night, Lexie called. "How are you?" Meredith asked when she realized who it was.

"I'm good," Lexie said on the other end.

Meredith smiled to herself. "You know I'm actually glad you called."

"Really?" Lexie said. Meredith smiled when she heard the genuine surprise in her voice.

"Yeah," Meredith said, "I want to talk to you about something." Meredith paused. "Could we have coffee tomorrow?"

"That would be great," Lexie said on the other end. "Uh, where?"

"Well the thing is I'm gonna be at the hospital all day tomorrow, so would you be able to get there?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Lexie said. "What time?"

"How's 3:00?"

"Perfect," Lexie said, smiling.

xxx

"You're asking her to be a bridesmaid?" Christina practically yelled the next day in the locker room.

Meredith looked up at her for a moment. "What's wrong with that?"

"You've known her for what? Like a week? And your asking her to be your bridesmaid?" Christina said throwing her arms up in the air.

Meredith stood up abruptly from the bench. "She's my sister!"

Christina looked at Meredith for a second, before letting a slight smirk cross her face. "Wow, I haven't seen you this worked up in a while."

Meredith opened her mouth slightly to speak, but was caught off guard by Christina's statement. She narrowed her eyes. "I can't believe you," she said, letting her shoulders drop as she plopped back on the bench. "You're evil. Evil."

Christina sat down next to Meredith. "I just wanted to make sure that you really wanted to do this."

"Why else would I do it?" Meredith asked.

"Obligation. Guilt."

"Do you know me at all?" Meredith asked, grinning. "I don't do anything unless I want to."

Christina looked away from her. "Oh yeah, that's right," she said. "Selfish bitch."

"Manipulative ass," Meredith said. Christina looked down at her and laughed slightly. Meredith stood up and elbowed Christina softly. "You're so cute. Trying to protect me."

Christina scowled and began to walk towards the door. "Yeah, well don't get used to it."

xxx

Lexie arrived in the hospital lobby about five minutes before three. She sat down in one of the chairs and picked up a magazine. A few minutes later, she heard Meredith's voice and looked up. She was standing at a nearby nurse's station with Derek, talking. It looked like they were saying goodbye.

Derek leaned down and kissed her softly and Meredith leaned into him. She didn't look like she wanted to go anywhere. Just as she was about to leave, Derek grabbed her hand again and pulled her back. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear before moving his hand to her stomach. She laughed and gave him a quick kiss before turning and walking towards the lobby.

Meredith spotted Lexie and made her way over to her. "Hey," Meredith greeted her. "Sorry I'm a little late."

Lexie smiled. "No problem."

"So you want to go find some coffee?" Meredith asked her. Lexie nodded and they got up, walking down the hall towards the cafeteria.

xxx

They found a table and sat down. Meredith looked at Lexie for a moment. "So do you want me to just jump right in?"

Lexie looked slightly worried. "Should I be scared?"

Meredith laughed. "Why would you be scared?"

"Well with this buildup I wouldn't be surprised if you told me you had contracted a deadly disease?" Lexie replied.

Meredith smirked. "Wow." She shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Sorry, though, no deadly diseases."

"What a relief," Lexie said before taking a sip of her coffee.

Meredith smiled. "Okay, so the reason I wanted to talk to you, was because..." She paused as a grin spread across her features. "Derek and I are getting married."

Lexie smiled as she watched Meredith's face light up as she told her the news. She loved him so much. "That's great," Lexie said genuinely.

Meredith smiled. "And I want you to be one of my bridesmaids."

Lexie was silent for a moment. "Really?" she said quietly.

Meredith couldn't help but laughing. "Really."

Lexie practically bounced in her seat. "I would love to."

Just then, Izzie and George walked into the cafeteria and made their way over to Lexie and Meredith. Meredith looked up at them and smiled. "Hey, Meredith!" Izzie said happily, pulling up a chair. George followed suit.

"This is Lexie," Meredith said motioning towards her. "My sister."

"Nice to meet you," George said, extending his hand.

Izzie grinned at her. "Yeah, Meredith's talked a lot about you. It's really nice to finally meet you." Lexie smiled almost gratefully. Suddenly, Izzie gasped. Everyone turned to her. "Are you drinking coffee, Mer?"

Meredith laughed. "It's decaf."

"Are you sure?" Izzie asked, picking up the cup and examining the cup carefully. She then sniffed it's contents and took a sip.

"What are you doing?" George asked.

Izzie looked over at him. "Making sure it's decaf. Because if it isn't then Meredith's baby is going to have two heads."

"That's highly doubtful," Meredith told Izzie, amused.

"Aha!" Izzie cried. "So it isn't decaf."

Meredith shook her head and turned to Lexie. "I apologize."

"Hey!" George said.

Meredith smiled at him. "You know I love you."


	27. Author's Note

**Okay, so I'm kind of stuck. I have ideas for what should come next, but I don't really know how to get there. I've written two different chapters, but I don't really like either. I might just put out a complete and total fluff chapter to buy time while I figure out some intense stuff. I'm toying with the idea of getting George and Lexie together. I think it would be kind of cute. So anyway, just give me a couple days to figure this story out. And thank you for all the comments!! I love them so much. **

**HAPPY NEW YEAR!!**


	28. Beautiful Whale

Izzie bounded into Meredith and Derek's room at 7:00 in the morning. "We're going shopping!" Izzie exclaimed happily. She ran over the bed and began humming the bridal waltz. "It's dress day!"

Derek groaned and tightened his grasp around Meredith. "Make her leave," he said. Meredith laughed softly and looked up at Izzie who was grinning down at her.

"Izzie, are you aware that it is 7:00 in the morning?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Izzie replied.

"Then go away."

"But Meredith, we have to get your dress!" Meredith glared at Izzie. She had way too much energy for this early in the morning.

"Iz," Meredith said. "Today is my day off. Day off equals sleep." She turned away from Izzie and laid her head on Derek's chest, closing her eyes.

"Fine then," Izzie said. "I guess I'll just throw away the blueberry pancakes I made..."

Meredith opened her eyes and turned towards Izzie again. "Seriously?" Izzie nodded and raised her eyebrows. Meredith began to sit up in bed. Derek groaned and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back onto the bed. "Don't leave me," he said.

Meredith laughed and pressed a kiss to his jaw. "I have to."

"No you don't."

"But the blueberry pancakes..." Meredith looked from Izzie to Derek to Izzie.

"I'm not waiting all day," Izzie said. She shrugged her shoulders and began to walk back towards the door. Meredith sighed and rolled out of bed.

"No!" Derek exclaimed.

"Oh be quiet," Meredith said as she followed Izzie out the door. "Come eat pancakes with us." As she walked down the hallway towards the stairs, Meredith could hear Derek rolling out of bed and following after her. She smiled as he caught up with her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to her head.

They walked into the kitchen and found George already sitting, stuffing his face with pancakes. Meredith and Derek sat down as well and were rewarded with a stack of pancakes each. "Eat up," Izzie instructed Meredith. "You're gonna need your strength."

"I didn't know wedding dress shopping was this intense," Derek said, smirking.

"That's because you're a guy," Izzie replied.

xxx

Half an hour later, Meredith and Izzie were getting ready to go. Derek joined them in the foyer. Meredith walked over to him and kissed him softly. "Have fun," he told her.

She smiled. "I will."

"And don't hurt yourself."

Meredith laughed and pulled away from him with one last kiss. "See you tonight."

Meredith and Izzie walked outside and got into the car. "We're meeting Christina and Lexie and the store," Izzie said as she put the key into the ignition and started the car.

"Lexie's coming?" Meredith asked.

Izzie looked over at her strangely. "She is one of your bridesmaids."

Meredith shook her head. "Yeah, I know. Of course."

"So when are you gonna start showing?" Izzie asked suddenly after a moment of silence.

Meredith looked at her. "What?"

"Like, showing, you know..." with one hand on the wheel Izzie motioned with her hands over her stomach.

"No, I knew what you meant," Meredith said. "It's just a random question."

"It so is not," Izzie said. "If we buy your dress today then we have to get you down that aisle before you expand."

Meredith laughed. "Expand? Seriously?"

"For lack of a better word," Izzie said, smiling.

xxx

Izzie and Meredith arrived at the bridal shop. Meredith spotted Lexie and Christina across the store. Lexie looked extremely nervous.

_Christina_, Meredith thought to herself. Izzie and Meredith walked across to them. Lexie looked very relieved when she spotted Meredith. "Hi," she greeted them, immediately walking away from Christina to Meredith.

"Hey, Lexie," Meredith said, smiling.

"Let's get this over with," Christina said, her arms folded across her chest.

"Oh, it's so nice to have a maid of honor who cares as much as you," Meredith said sarcastically. Christina shot her a look and Lexie laughed.

"Okay, so what do you have in mind, Meredith?" Izzie said, excitedly, rushing over to the nearest rack and looking through the gowns.

"Uh, something white," Meredith said. Izzie sighed and pulled one off the rack.

"Go try this on," Izzie said, shoving it at Meredith.

"Fine," Meredith said. She walked to the dressing rooms and went into one of the rooms. Just as she as beginning to undress, her cell phone went off.

"Hello?" she said.

"Are you naked?" Derek said on the other end.

"What kind of a question is that? You could start with 'hello' or 'how are you honey?'..."

Derek laughed on the other end. "You are aren't you?"

Meredith glanced down at herself. "Half."

"I knew it!" Derek exclaimed triumphantly. "I am so good."

"How the hell did you know I was naked?" Meredith said.

"The same way I know you're wearing black panties," Derek told her.

"We had sex last night?"

"Well that does explain the panties...but that's not the point."

Meredith laughed. "What is the point?"

Derek chuckled. "The point is I have a sixth sense."

Meredith scoffed. "A sense that tells you when I'm naked?"

"Exactly."

"You disgust me."

Derek laughed. "Liar."

"You know me too well," Meredith said, laughing. "Now you have to stop distracting me. I'm trying to pick out a wedding dress here."

"Make sure it looks hot," Derek said.

"I'll try my hardest."

"Love you," Derek said.

"Love you too," Meredith said, before hanging up her phone and pulling on the dress.

She walked outside. Christina, Lexie and Izzie were all sitting against a wall and looked up when she walked in. "Took you long enough," Christina said.

"What do you think?" Meredith said, doing a little spin.

There was a moment of silence as they looked her up and down. "It's fine," Christina finally said. Meredith glared at her.

"I like it," Lexie said, shrugging.

"Your enthusiasm is staggering," Meredith said.

Izzie was still scrutinizing over the dress. "No," she finally said.

Meredith looked over at her. "What do you mean, no?"

"It's not perfect," Izzie said, standing up and walking over to her. "It has to be perfect."

Meredith smiled. "You're right."

Izzie walked over to another rack and pulled another dress out, handing it to Meredith. "Try this one."

Seventeen Dresses Later

Meredith was tired and annoyed, but mostly tired. She had lost count of how many dresses she had put on, but each one had turned out the same. She would out it on and walk outside. Christina would say that it was fine, Lexie would agree and then Izzie would say one word: no. That was Meredith's cue to head back to the dressing room. She felt as if she had lost her will to have an opinion. All of the dresses were beginning to blur together.

She put on yet another dress and walked outside. Christina, Lexie, and Izzie simultaneously looked up at her and gasped. Meredith looked from one stunned face to another. "That bad?" she said, glancing down at the dress.

Everyone was silent for a moment longer. "N-No..." Izzie finally stammered.

Meredith took it the wrong way. She sighed and immediately turned back towards the dressing rooms. Lexie was the one who stopped her. "Wait, Meredith, it's not that..."

Meredith turned back to them. "Then what?" She looked from Christina to Lexie to Izzie.

"That looks...You look..." Lexie stammered.

"Hot," Christina finished.

Meredith grinned and walked over to a mirror. _Wow_, she thought to herself.

_Aint half bad._

She turned around and Izzie walked over to her. "It's perfect," she said to Meredith.

Meredith smiled and gave Izzie a hug. "Thank you," she said.

xxx

Meredith and Izzie arrived back home that night. Derek greeted them at the door and Meredith practically fell into his arms. "Exhausted," she said as she leaned against him.

Derek chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "Did you get a dress?"

"The perfect dress," Izzie told him, grinning.

Derek smiled. Meredith lifted her head slightly and kissed him softly. "And," she said softly. "I look extremely hot in it."

Derek smiled and brushed her lips with his. "Well then I'm happy."

Meredith smiled. "I knew you would be."

xxx

Later that night Meredith and Derek lay in bed together. Derek was slowly moving his hand across her bare stomach. Meredith loved it when he did things like that. First of all, it was ridiculously cute and second of all, in a way, it reassured her. It reassured her that he was happy. That he loved her (and their baby).

Meredith was just drifting off when Derek said, "What do you want it to be like?"

Meredith looked up at him. "You mean the wedding?"

"Yeah," Derek replied.

Meredith looked away from him for a second. "I don't know..."

"Do you want it to be huge?"

"No," Meredith said. "But I don't want it to be tiny either."

Derek nodded and smiled. "Thank God."

Meredith laughed at him. "I don't think we could have a huge wedding even if we wanted one anyway."

"Why?" Derek asked her.

"Because we have to get married in at least a month," Meredith told him.

"Ah yes," Derek smiling at her stomach. "How could I forget."

Meredith laughed. "You trying to block it out of your mind that I'm gonna be all huge and puffy in a few months?"

Derek chuckled. "Of course not." He leaned over and kissed her softly. "Haven't we already gone over this?"

"Oh yeah," Meredith said. "I believe the exact words used were 'beautiful whale'."

Derek laughed and kissed her again. He moved his hand that was on her stomach up her body, pulling her shirt with it. He ran his hand across her breasts, eliciting a soft gasp from Meredith.

She rolled on top of him and kissed him deeply. "I love you," she said, her voice husky and soft.

He smiled up at her. "I love you too, you beautiful whale."


	29. Happily Ever After

A couple of days after picking out her dress, Meredith and Derek were going on a walk when they passed a church. They both paused simultaneously in front of it. Meredith looked over at Derek smiled. He turned towards her and smiled back. "It's beautiful," he said with a certain amount of awe in his voice.

"It is," Meredith agreed. She reached over and took his hand. "Do you want to look inside?" He nodded and they walked inside.

It was a small church. But beautiful. The windows on either side of it were made out of lavender stained glass and when the sun hit them, soft, purple light streamed onto the pews. It really was gorgeous. Meredith suddenly had an image of herself walking down the aisle with this light all around her. She imagined flowers lining the pews and petals scattered at her feet. She sighed and turned towards Derek. "I want to get married."

"Right now?" Derek asked with a chuckle, turning towards her.

She smiled and leaned up, kissing him softly. She pulled away after a second and glanced around her again. "This is the place."

Derek nodded. "This is the place."

xxx

Unfortunately though, when Meredith and Derek inquired about the dates when the church was available, they found out that it was a very popular place. There were only two dates available: one in two weeks and one in two years.

As Meredith and Derek walked home, they tried to figure out what to do. "I don't know if everything will be ready in two weeks," Meredith said, shaking her head.

"And I do not want to wait two years," Derek replied. They walked on in silence for a while. "Maybe we should find a different place," Derek said, but the disappointment was evident in his voice.

Meredith stopped walking and grabbed his hand. He turned towards her. "But that place was perfect." She paused. "I think we should do it."

Derek smiled and leaned down, kissing her softly. "Are you sure?" he asked, pulling away slightly.

Meredith grinned. "I'm sure." She kissed him again and lopped her arms around his neck. "And anyway, Izzie is like the planning queen. With her help, anything is possible." Derek chuckled and they continued walking.

xxx

Meredith burst through the front door and flew upstairs to Izzie's room. The door was locked. "Izzie!" Meredith called. "Get out here! I need help!" Meredith heard frantic shuffling on the other side of the door and noise that sounded like someone falling out of bed.

Finally, the door opened and Izzie appeared, looking, shall we say, disheveled. Meredith smiled wryly. "What were ya doin?"

"Nothing," Izzie replied.

Meredith eyed her wild hair and wrinkled clothes. "Sure," she said. She peered over Izzie's shoulder. "Is Alex in there?"

Izzie was silent. Suddenly, Alex walked out of Izzie's closet. "Hey Meredith," he said sheepishly.

"What were you doing in the closet?" Meredith asked him, narrowing her eyes.

"Iz was embarrassed."

Meredith laughed. "Well you should be," she told them. "It's two o'clock in the afternoon." Alex shrugged.

"So what was the emergency?" Izzie said, attempting to straighten her shirt.

"I'm getting married in two weeks," Meredith said.

Izzie looked at her. "You're kidding."

"Never more serious."

"But we won't be ready in two weeks," Izzie said.

"Well, we'll have to be," Meredith replied. "Because Derek and I found the perfect place. I mean perfect. I am like in love with it."

"Dude," Alex said as if this whole thing was ridiculous.

Izzie sighed. "Well," she said. "I guess we have work to do."

Meredith grinned and together they headed downstairs and into the kitchen.

xxx

Three and half hours later, Meredith felt much better. They had planned almost everything: the flowers, the invitations, the seating. Now the next two weeks would be spent filling out orders and picking things up.

Meredith leaned back in her chair and rubbed her face with her hands, letting out a groan. She then sat forward again and smile at Izzie. "I feel much better now."

Izzie grinned and began to collect the papers off the table. "I'm glad." She continued shuffling through the papers before looking up at Meredith. "We can totally pull this off."

xxx

Meredith emerged from the kitchen and found Derek in the living room watching TV. She sat down next to him and he wrapped his arm around her. "We're getting married," she said happily, laying her head on his chest.

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Yes we are."

She lifted her face and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I love you so much," she said softly.

He reached up and gently stroked her cheek. "I love you too," he said. He leaned down and kissed her again, cradling her head in his hand. When he pulled back though, he saw tears glistening in her eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

She shook her head slightly and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "I don't know."

Derek kissed her forehead. "Are you scared?" he asked softly.

She lifted her head and looked at him earnestly. "No," she said and he knew she was telling the truth. She shook her head slightly. "I don't know, it's just that...all of this is happening to me. The baby. The wedding. The guy." She looked up at him and he smiled down at her lovingly. She glanced away from him again. "I just feel like I don't deserve all of it."

Derek smiled faintly and kissed her. "Oh, Mer..."

"I never thought I'd have it."

"What?" Derek asked.

"My knight in shining whatever. My happily ever after."

Derek leaned down and pressed his forehead to hers, letting out a breath. "Well," he said. "You have it. And it's not going anywhere." He pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere."

Meredith smiled as Derek reached up and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Thank you," she said. She leaned forward and found his lips with hers, kissing him deeply. "Thank you so much."


	30. Heart and Soul

One night, a week before the wedding, Meredith and Derek were lying in bed together when Meredith suddenly said, "I want my father to walk me down the aisle."

Derek smiled, but Meredith didn't see because her back was to him. He wrapped his arm around her stomach and pulled her against. "Really?" he asked quietly into her ear.

"Yes," Meredith said. "He's my father."

"He's your father."

"Will you ask him?"

"Meredith."

"Fine. I'll ask him. Will you come with me when I ask him?"

Derek kissed her cheek softly. "That," he said quietly, "I can do."

Meredith smiled and picked up his hand, moving it to her stomach. He leaned forward and kissed her neck, breathing in the scent of her lavender hair. "Mmm," she breathed softly, melting under his touch. "You're too good to be true."

Derek chuckled softly and settled back against his pillow, stroking her stomach slowly. "No you are."

"No you are," Meredith said, closing her eyes.

"You're right," Derek said. "I am."

xxx

Meredith's alarm went off and she groaned into Derek's shirt. "I refuse to get up," she said stubbornly. Derek chuckled and hugged her tightly.

"You're so cute," he told her.

She lifted her head and glared at him. "I am not cute."

"Yes you are."

"Shut up."

Derek laughed and leaned down kissing her deeply. She didn't object. "You ready for the big day?" he asked her.

"Why? What's happening?" Meredith asked.

Derek chuckled. "Your father?"

Meredith's face fell. "Oh yeah," she said, rolling out of bed. "My father."

"You still want to ask him, right?" Derek asked, watching her move around the room.

Meredith paused in her movements and glanced up at him. "Yeah, I guess."

xxx

After their shifts at the hospital, Meredith and Derek headed over to Thatch's house. Derek drove. Meredith told him to. That way, she said, she couldn't chicken out if she wanted to. They pulled into the driveway and Meredith sat there. Derek glanced over to her and smiled. She, on the other hand, continued to stare fixedly at her hands folded in her lap. "This was a bad idea," she said, suddenly looking up. "This is stupid. We should go. I'll walk myself down the aisle. I mean, I think I can manage it...it's a stupid tradition anyway..."

"Meredith," Derek interrupted her. "You're rambling."

"I am aren't I?" Meredith said shaking her head. "I'm pathetic. I'm a coward. You shouldn't marry me."

"I should marry you. I want to marry you," Derek told her steadily. "Now let's go ask your dad."

"You can go," Meredith said. "I'll stay."

Derek couldn't help but laugh. "You're funny. Let's go." Meredith glared at him. "Anyway, I don't think we can avoid it now," Derek said, looking out the window. "I think we've been discovered."

Meredith followed his gaze and found Lexie walking towards them, smiling. Meredith rolled down her window and Lexie walked over. "Hey, Meredith. Hey, Derek," she greeted them. "What're you guys doing here?"

"Oh, well...I was just..."

"We just wanted to pop in for a visit," Derek said. Meredith smiled gratefully.

"Okay, great," Lexie said. "Come on in."

Meredith and Derek both got out of the car. Derek went around the car and walked beside Meredith. As they approached the door, Derek grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

Lexie opened the door and they walked in. Both Susan and Thatch greeted them. "Hi, it's so good to see you again," Susan said, walking over and shaking Derek's hand. She then surprised everyone, most of all Meredith, by giving her a hug. "Come in, come in," she said.

They walked into the living room and Derek approached Thatch. Thatch extended his hand. "It's nice to see you again," Derek said, shaking his hand. Thatch offered only a nod of acknowledgment before sitting down. Derek turned and sat down next to Meredith on the couch.

"So," Susan began. "To what do we owe this unexpected visit?"

Meredith smiled faintly. "Well we kind of wanted to invite you guys to our wedding in person."

Susan's eyes widened. "Wedding?"

Meredith looked slightly confused. "Yeah," she said. "Me and Derek's wedding."

"You're getting married?" Thatch said.

Derek shot a glance at Meredith. "We figured you knew," he began. "Since Meredith asked Lexie to be one of her bridesmaids."

Susan let out a breath. "Bridesmaid? Why didn't you tell me?"

Lexie looked terribly uncomfortable and more than a little guilty. "I didn't know if I should say anything..."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "That's okay," she said. Lexie visible relaxed. "I totally understand."

"Well, a wedding..." Susan shook her head in awe. "When is it?"

"A week from saturday," Derek told her.

"A week!" Susan exclaimed.

"Yeah, well it's a long story...we were gonna have it in like a month, before I started showing, but then we found this perfect church and they only had one date available, so we took it," Meredith explained to them, grinning.

"Well that's very exciting," Susan said warmly.

"Yes," Thatch said. "Congratulations."

Meredith looked over at him. She was struck suddenly by a horrible sadness about him. He looked weary, as if he had given up. Meredith couldn't remember how long ago she had given up on him. After years of longing for his love, she had learned not to hope anymore. It was easier not to hope than be disappointed over and over again.

And yet...Now she found herself hoping again. Hoping for his affection. for his approval. Even just his mere presence in her life. "Dad," she said softly.

He looked into her eyes, for perhaps the first time in a long time. He seemed startled. "Yes?" he managed.

She could feel tears filling her eyes. "I was hoping that...I wanted to ask you if..." she could feel everyone's eyes on her. She felt as Derek reached for her hand again. "Would you walk me down the aisle?"

She saw tears in his eyes as well. Maybe he did care. Maybe he did love her. "I'd love to," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

For a moment, everything was silent. _Maybe, just maybe_, Meredith thought to herself, _I will have a father at last_. But she was too afraid to open up to him yet. She would not give her whole heart to the man who was responsible for breaking it so many times.

"Fantastic," Susan suddenly said, pulling Meredith away from her thoughts.

Meredith looked over at Derek who reached up and gently wiped the tears off her cheeks. She smiled at him. "I love you," he mouthed silently at her.

"I love you too," she mouthed back, a smile spreading across her features.

xxx

After Derek and Meredith had said goodbye to everyone, they walked towards the car hand in hand. "I'm happy," Meredith said.

Derek chuckled. "I told you."

"Oh be quiet," Meredith told him.

They both got into the car and pulled out of the driveway. As they drove, Meredith's thoughts wandered back to her father. She was happy that he would be at her wedding. She was happy that he would walk her down the aisle. But she was also aware that over it all, she was still waiting for him to let her down. Expecting it even. And that thought broke her heart.

xxx

Derek and Meredith walked into the house silently. As they made their way into the living room, Derek pulled Meredith into his body. He leaned down and kissed her softly. She smiled as he pulled away and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I think we should get married right now," Derek said.

Meredith laughed. "I tad anxious are we?"

"Just a tad," he said, smiling down at her. "I don't want to wait anymore."

"I think you can handle the suspense for another week," Meredith said, lifting her hands and placing them on his chest.

"What if I can't?" Derek asked sweetly.

Meredith leaned towards him slightly. "Then you're pathetic," she replied.

"What?" he said. "Is it such a crime that I can't wait to call you Mrs. Shepherd." he leaned down to give her a kiss, but she pulled away. He looked up at her, slightly confused.

"Okay, first of all," Meredith began, "It's Doctor, not Misses. Mrs. Shepherd is your mom. And second of all who ever said I'm changing my name?"

Derek looked at, his mouth hanging open slightly. He was speechless. "I...I never knew you were such a femin--"

"Don't say it," Meredith warned. "This isn't about being a feminist. It's about being a human being. Men shouldn't have the right to brand women like they're cattle."

"I don't want to brand you," Derek said.

"But you want me to take your name?" Meredith said.

"Yes, but...but that's...it's different."

"No," Meredith immediately replied, "it's not. You put your name on notebooks. On clothes. So that people will know that it's yours."

"Is it horrible that I want people to know that your mine?" Derek said, taking a step towards her.

She took a step back. "But I'm not yours. I'm not something that you can own."

Derek nodded. They both were silent for a while. "Okay," he finally said. "I understand."

"Do you?" Meredith asked.

He nodded again. "I do. It makes sense. You will remain a Grey."

Meredith smiled. "Good."

"Can I kiss you now?" Derek asked, walking towards her.

She walked into his arms. "Yes," she said. "You may."

He leaned down and kissed her softly. "You're cute when you're angry."

"You're obnoxious," Meredith said. "I hate you."

"No you don't."

"I know."

Derek looked down at her earnestly. "So...I didn't know you were so adamant about that stuff."

"I know," Meredith replied, glancing down at the ground. "I've surprised many people by getting worked up over stuff like that, but it just really bugs me." She paused for a second and smiled. "My mom did many things wrong, but if she did one thing right it was that."

"What?" Derek asked.

"She raised to be proud of who I am." Meredith smiled brightly up at him.

"Come on," he said. "It's getting late. Let's go to bed."

xxx

Later that night as Derek and Meredith were drifting off Meredith turned to him and looked into his eyes. "Hey Derek?" she asked.

"Mmmhmm?" he replied quietly as he stroked her stomach softly.

"I am yours," she told him. "You will never own me, but I am yours heart and soul."

Derek smiled and kissed her cheek softly. "And I'm yours."

**Hey everybody! I just wanted to touch base. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, because I got to get into the whole "changing names" deal. I considered actually not even putting that section in, because I wasn't positive if that would be how Meredith would really react. But I decided to leave it. I mean, she gets pretty fired up about things. Lol. And really, I couldn't resist touching on this "issue". I just really think it's a ridiculous tradition--women changing their names I mean. Anyway...Girl power! Haha. **


	31. If Tomorrow Never Comes

Derek walked into the house and found Meredith sitting on the couch watching TV. He walked over and sat down next to her. "My mother," Meredith said.

Derek looked over at her. "Your mother?"

"My mother," Meredith said, frowning.

"What about your mother?" Derek asked.

"My mother and my wedding."

"Ah," Derek said, nodding. "You haven't told her."

Meredith sighed. "I should go over there. Tell her. Invite her. Make arrangements."

Derek nodded. "You want me to come?" he asked, looking over at her.

She nodded. "Kind of."

Derek grinned. "Then I'll come." He loved that she was letting him into her life so completely. She wasn't running away anymore. At least not from him. She had let him in. She had given him her heart.

xxx

They walked into the nursing home where Meredith's mother lived hand in hand. Meredith went over to the front desk. "Hi," she said. The receptionist looked up at her. "I'm her to see my mom, Ellis Grey."

"Okay," the receptionist said. She glanced down at some papers on her desk, before looking back up at Meredith with a smile. "She should be in the living room."

Meredith nodded and walked back over to Derek. " Can you come with me?" she asked, looking at the ground. She felt slightly guilty for dragging him over here. But she loved him. She needed him.

He reached out and lifted her chin slightly. She looked into his eyes. He gently brushed the hair out of her face and leaned down, kissing her softly on the lips. He wanted to reassure her. "Of course." She smiled up at him gratefully. He took her hand in his and they walked into the living room. Ellis sat in one of the chairs, sipping tea quietly. They both walked over to her.

"Hi, mom," Meredith greeted her, smiling.

Ellis glanced up at the two and scowled. "I'm working."

"Mom, I have some news," Meredith said. She and Derek sat down on a couch across from her. "Good news."

Ellis eyed them both. She put her tea down on the table beside her and crossed her arms. "What is it?"

"We're getting married," Meredith said, her voice soft. She was suddenly overcome by a deep longing for her mother. That she would come back to her.

"Well," Ellis said, picking up her tea again and taking a sip. "Congratulations." She looked away from them. "Now leave me be."

Derek glanced over at Meredith and saw tears glistening in her eyes. He squeezed her hand and she smiled faintly at him. "I want you to come, mom," she said.

Ellis looked up at her and a faint glimmer of recognition passed across her face. "I'll come," she said. "If I can." She shook her head slightly. "I'm very busy."

Meredith nodded. "Okay," she said.

xxx

Meredith and Derek walked back out into the lobby. Meredith returned to the receptionist desk. "Hi," Meredith said. "Would it be possible to make arrangements for my mother to attend my wedding?"

The receptionist smiled up at her. "Yes, that can definitely be done. I just need you to sign a few papers." She handed Meredith a clipboard and pen.

"So how would it work?" Meredith asked.

"Well, one of our staff would accompany your mother to the wedding."

Meredith nodded. "Okay, great." She picked up the clipboard. "Thanks."

It took a few minutes for Meredith to fill out the forms. Derek sat next to her, flipping through a magazine. Every once in a while he would glance over at her. It was truly amazing to him. No matter what she did she was beautiful. It really was true what they said about pregnant women; they glowed.

He smiled to himself and turned back to his magazine. He couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with her.

Meredith finished the forms and brought them back over to the desk before returning to Derek. They walked outside into the sunshine. It was a beautiful day. The light was golden and the breeze cool. It had been raining for a few days and now the air smelled of earth. Meredith breathed in deeply, smiling to herself. She didn't want to go home just yet.

As they passed a bench, she paused beside it. "Wanna sit for a little?" she asked Derek.

He smiled and nodded and they both sat down. Meredith moved next to Derek on the bench and leaned into him, resting her hear head on his shoulder. "I want to spend the rest of my life like this."

"Like what?" Derek asked, reaching up and running his hans through her hair.

"Just...happy," Meredith said. He smiled and leaned down towards her. She lifted her face from his shoulder and looked into his eyes and he lowered his face to hers. As their lips met, Meredith was filled with an odd sense of piece. And an odd sense of forever.

xxx

A few days later, Meredith and Derek lay in bed together. It was the day before their wedding. "I can't sleep," Meredith said. "I'm too excited." She turned in his arms so that she was facing him.

Derek chuckled softly. "You're so cute."

"Aren't you excited?" Meredith asked him, reaching up and running her finger along his jawline..

"Yes," Derek told her. "But I'm also exhausted."

Meredith sighed. "How can you be exhausted when we're getting married tomorrow?"

"How?" Derek asked, smiling. "Two, back to back, ten hour surgeries. That's how."

"Ugh," Meredith said. "I'm so jealous. Bailey assigned me to scut. She said I would be too distracted." Meredith paused for a second until something occurred to her. "Hey," she said, pointing at him accusingly. "Why did you still get to do surgeries?"

Derek laughed. "If Bailey could assign me to scut. She definitely would've."

Meredith smiled and kissed him. "Then you could've kept me company." She kissed him again.

"That would've been fun," Derek said. Meredith smiled as he pulled her closer to him.

Meredith settled against him, resting her head on his chest. He kissed her hair softly and hugged her tightly. "I can't wait to be married to you," she told him.

"Me neither," he said, before they both went to sleep.

xxx

Meredith woke up with a smile on her face as sunlight streamed through their bedroom window. She leaned forward and kissed Derek on the lips. "Morning," she said.

He stirred slightly and opened his eyes, looking down at her. He sighed slightly and pulled her closer. "Morning," he said.

She grinned up at him. "We're getting married today."


	32. Just a Guy and a Girl in Love

Meredith and Derek stood in the foyer. Izzie was about to whisk Meredith away to get ready. Derek wrapped his arms around her as she rested her head on his chest. "You know," he said, resting his chin on top of her head. "It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding."

Meredith laughed. "That's only when the bride is in her wedding dress."

"Oh," Derek said. "My mistake."

"Hey," Meredith said, lifting her head from his chest. "Burke is your best man right?"

Derek smiled. "Yeah. You didn't know that?"

"Well I just assumed," Meredith said, leaning forward and kissing him softly. He pulled her closer against him, deepening the kiss when Izzie walked out of the kitchen.

"Okay," she announced. "Let's go!"

Meredith smiled sympathetically up at Derek. "I'll miss you," she said.

"I love you," Derek told her.

xxx

She was ready. She was finally ready. This was it. This was her happily ever after. Meredith glanced down at her dress and smiled to herself, running her hands down her sides and feeling the material beneath her fingers. She turned from the mirror which she had been standing in front of and smiled at Izzie, Christina, and Lexie.

"You look beautiful," Izzie said.

"Yeah," Lexie said. "You really do."

Christina smiled in agreement, but didn't say anything. She refused to get mushy and sentimental. It simply would not happen. Meredith grinned and picked up her bouquet of flowers. "Ready?" Izzie asked her.

Meredith nodded and they walked out into the hall. Thatch greeted her there, smiling with what looked like pride to Meredith. Or was that just wishful thinking? Meredith stared at the doors leading into the church. Derek stood just behind those doors, waiting for her. The music began and Christina, Izzie, and Lexie all lined up.

xxx

Christina, Izzie and Lexie walked down the aisle one by one and took their places near Derek. Derek smiled at them, but soon focused his attention onto the door of the church. Finally, they opened.

When Derek saw Meredith walking down the aisle toward him, his breath caught in his throat. With rose petals at her feet and lavender light streaming through the windows onto her, she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. She wore a slight smile on her lips and her eyes twinkled. Derek realized he hadn't breathed for a while and took a shaky breath.

Time seemed to slow for Meredith as she approached Derek. She subconsciously tightened her grasp on Thatch's arm. Derek's gaze was focused solely on her. She smiled softly and put one foot in front of the other. She felt everybody's eyes on her as she neared him. She smiled. She felt beautiful.

When they came to the end of the aisle, Thatch released Meredith's arm and turned towards her. She smiled warmly at him. To her surprise he then leaned forward and kissed her softly on her cheek. He pulled away and took his seat beside Susan. Meredith suddenly caught the eye of her mother who sat a few rows back with a nurse. She was frowning, her eyes glazed over. Meredith wondered if she even knew where she was.

Meredith turned around and looked at Christina who smiled, raising her eyebrows slightly. Meredith smiled back and then took her place next to Derek. He reached down and squeezed her hand gently.

"Dearly beloved," the priest began. "We are gathered here today to honor this man and this woman in holy matrimony."

xxx

It was time to exchange the vows. Meredith and Derek turned to each other, smiling. Meredith took a deep breath. How was she going to tell him? How was she going to show him how much she truly loved him?

"Derek," Meredith began, looking into his eyes. "I don't really know what to say to you. I think that the fact that I'm standing here asking you to spend the rest of my life with me speaks louder than any words could, but...I just want you to know...that I love you. More than I ever thought possible." She was silent for a moment and smiled up at him. "When I was kid, I dreamt of my prince charming who would come someday to whisk me away. I was so sure that's how it worked. And then I grew up and I lost sight of that dream. I lost sight of what love could really mean. And then I met you. And you took my breath away. You are my prince charming. You are my knight in shining whatever. You are the man I want to spend my happily ever after with."

Meredith could hear sighs and sniffles from the audience, but her eyes never wavered from Derek's face. He was smiling down at her with tears glistening in his eyes. They were silent for a moment, before Derek began. "When we first met," he said, grinning, "You said, 'I'm just a girl'. And I said that I was just a guy. That moment was the beginning. Of our relationship. Of our memories. Of our life together." Derek paused and reached out, taking Meredith's hands within his. "You make me happier than I ever thought possible. And, you know, what we said in that bar is still true. I am just a guy. And you are just a girl. Who I want to love forever."

For a moment, Derek and Meredith were lost in each other. They loved each other so much. A tap from Christina pulled Meredith into reality. Meredith turned and Christina handed her the ring. Meredith smiled and turned back to Derek. Burke handed Derek his ring with a smile. "With this ring, I thee wed," Meredith said, slipping the ring onto Derek's finger.

"With this ring, I thee wed," Derek said, placing the ring onto Meredith's finger.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," the priest said. "You may kiss the bride."

Meredith stepped into Derek's arms, her heart pounding in her chest. She had never known it was possible to be this happy. He kissed her softly, savoring the moment and she leaned into him, looping her arms around his neck. When they pulled apart, they turned and looked at the crowd. Almost everybody was misty-eyed.

Derek glanced at Meredith from the corner of his eye and reached down, grabbing her hand. She held it tightly as they walked down the aisle and into the sunlight.

xxx

Meredith and Derek were sitting at their table during the reception talking. It was the first time they had gotten to talk alone since the wedding, although a continuous stream of congratulations was constantly interrupting them.

"You look beautiful," Derek told her as they sat together.

"Not hot?" Meredith asked. "Dang. I failed."

"Well your that too," Derek said with a smirk.

Meredith smiled. They were silent for a moment and Meredith glanced over to where her mother sat at her table. "Do you think my mom is okay?" Meredith said absentmindedly.

Derek followed Meredith's gaze and frowned. "I don't know."

"I wonder if she even understands," Meredith said, tears in her throat.

Derek couldn't stand to see her sad at their wedding. "Meredith," he said softly. She looked over at him. "She understands."

"What if she's too far gone?" Meredith said.

Derek shook his head slightly and reached out, stroking her cheek softly. "But I think she still loves you."

Meredith nodded and smiled. Suddenly the DJ's voice caught their attention. "And now let's clear the floor for the happy couple in their first dance."

Meredith smiled at Derek who offered his hand. They both stood up and walked out onto the floor. Derek pulled Meredith close, holding on of her hands and wrapping the other one around her waist. Meredith rested her head on his chest as the swayed softly to the music. "I love you," Derek whispered into her ear.

"I love you too," Meredith said, closing her eyes contentedly as he held her.

xxx

Halfway through dinner, Meredith heard yelling coming from across the room. She turned towards the sound and with a sinking feeling, realized it was her mother. She was yelling at the nurse who had accompanied her to the wedding. Meredith stood up abruptly as did Derek and she made her way towards her mother.

Ellis looked up at Meredith frantically. "Who are these people? What are they doing to me? What am I doing here?"

Meredith squatted in front of her mother who was seated in a chair and took one of her hands. "Mom," Meredith said. "Mom. It's going to be okay. You're okay."

Ellis wrenched away from Meredith's grasp. "Don't touch me. What are you doing here?"

Meredith stood up and backed away from her mother. Her mother continued yelling as the nurse tried to usher her out of the room. But suddenly, Ellis saw something that made her go silent. Meredith turned and saw Dr. Webber walking towards her.

"Richard," Ellis said, looking up at him anxiously. "Who are these people? Where am I?"

Richard reached out and took Ellis' hand. "Let's go for a walk." And with that they both left the room. It was over. Meredith turned towards Derek and he hugged her tightly.

Meredith felt tears running down her cheeks and buried her face in Derek's shirt. She didn't want to feel like this. She wanted to be happy. She wanted to be excited. Derek looked around. People were looking at Meredith sadly. "Mer," he said softly.

"Yeah?" she said into his shirt.

"Do you want to dance?"

"Yeah," she said.

They walked out onto the dance floor and began to dance among the other couples. Meredith calmed down a little as they danced, although a part of her was still sad about her mother. It made her feel horrible that she couldn't comfort her. But right now, wrapped up in Derek's arms, she could forget about. She was going to be happy.

xxx

"I hate you," Izzie said later in the evening. She was sitting with Meredith, Lexie and Christina at a table. Most people were dancing, including Derek who was, at the moment, dancing with his mom.

Meredith turned to Izzie. "Why do you hate me?"

"Because you get to go to Paris."

"You're going to Paris?" Lexie asked, her mouth slightly agape.

Meredith smiled and nodded. "Yup. For two weeks."

"Oh God," Christina said, leaning back and crossing her arms. "I do hate you."

Meredith laughed and glanced out onto the dance floor towards Derek who was now dancing with one of sisters, the biggest grin on his face. Just then, Alex walked up to Izzie and asked her to dance. Then Burke arrived and took Christina off as well. Meredith turned to Lexie. "What's up?" she said.

Lexie smiled. "Not much." She paused and glanced around the room. "I seem to be the only person here without a date, though."

Meredith smiled at her. "Well," she began. "Weddings are great place to meet people."

Lexie shrugged. "I guess."

Suddenly, Derek appeared beside Meredith. "May I have the next dance," he said, bowing slightly and offering his hand. Meredith laughed and he looked down at her, a goofy grin on his face.

"You may," she said. She smiled at Lexie, taking Derek's hand. "I'll be back."

Lexie nodded. "Don't worry about me." She watched as Derek and Meredith walked out onto the dance floor. Derek wrapped his arms around her and held her close. They seemed to fit together effortlessly.

xxx

When the song ended, Meredith walked over to where George stood across the room. "Hey, George," Meredith greeted him.

He smiled at her. "What's up?"

"I need a favor."

George looked at her skeptically. "What is it?"

"Can you ask my sister to dance?" she said, smiling sweetly at him.

George frowned at her. "Fine," he said. He couldn't say no to her on her wedding day. Meredith hugged him gratefully and then made her way back to Derek.

George quickly spotted Lexie across the room and made his way over to her. "Hey, Lexie," he said.

Lexie smiled. "Hey."

George shifted his weight awkwardly. 'Would you, uh, like to dance?"

Lexie looked up at him and crossed her arms. "Meredith told you to come over here didn't she?"

George smirked slightly. "No, of course not."

Lexie wasn't convinced. "Uh-huh."

"Okay, fine she did," George admitted. "But, I still want you to dance with me."

Lexie smiled up at him. "Fine," she said, taking his hand as they walked out onto the floor.

xxx

Meredith glanced over at George and Lexie as they danced and smiled. Lexie was laughing at something George had just said. "I think they like each other," Meredith told Derek.

"Who?" he asked, glancing around the dace floor.

"Lexie and George."

"Oh," Derek said. "You set them up?"

"Kind of," Meredith admitted.

Derek laughed and hugged her closer to him. They danced in silence for a little while before Derek said, "You excited for Paris?"

"How could I not be excited for Paris?"

Derek smiled. "Two weeks, tangled up in the sheets with the eiffel tower in the window." He sighed.

"Tangled up in the sheets?" Meredith said with a smirk.

"Yup." Derek smiled down at Meredith.

"My what an imagination," Meredith said.

Derek laughed. "Come on," he said. "You know you can't resist two weeks of uninterrupted this..." He leaned down and kissed her softly. When he pulled away, Meredith's eyes were dark with desire.

They were both silent for a moment. "Wanna start the honeymoon early?" Meredith asked, raising her eyebrows.

Derek smiled and kissed her again. "Definitely."

xxx

Derek and Meredith walked out into the hall. The reception was being held in a hotel. They were both going to stay in the hotel for a night before leaving for their honeymoon in the morning.

They found their room and Derek pulled the key out of his pocket. Once inside, he grabbed Meredith, pulling her close to him. He kissed her passionately as his hands roamed her body. Meredith pulled away for a second, undoing his tie impatiently and pushing his jacket off his shoulders.

He picked her up and laid her down onto the bed, before lying down next to her. "I love you," he told her, his voice hoarse.

"I love you too," she told him, reaching up and running her finger along his jawline. He leaned forward and kissed her softly, before reaching under her and slowly undoing her dress.

xxx

Meredith and Derek returned to the reception looking slightly disheveled. Christina caught Meredith's eye and smirked. Meredith glared at her. Suddenly Izzie came over to them.

"God you guys, where have you been? It's time to cut the cake," she told them impatiently, dragging them over to the table where the cake was.

Everyone gathered around as Derek picked up the knife. Meredith put her hand on top of his and they both cut the first piece of cake. Derek grinned at Meredith and took a piece. She opened her mouth and he put it in. She smiled and then gave some to Derek as well.

Everyone clapped as Derek leaned forward and kissed Meredith's frosting smeared lips.

**Okay, writing this was hard and kind of boring (I have to admit). It was a lot of nitty-gritty stuff, but I hope it was a lot more fun to read...Anyway, I hope you like it! Thanks for all the amazing comments!!!**


	33. Paris When It Sizzles

"You're so beautiful," Derek said lazily one morning.

Meredith turned towards him, a smile playing on her lips. She leaned toward and pressed her lips gently to his. "Hey, did I ever tell you that I love you?" she said.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "You mentioned it."

"Well, I do," Meredith told him.

He kissed her again and moved his hands down her sides to her stomach. She was barely showing. With clothes on, you couldn't tell. He lifted her shirt slightly and moved his fingers across her stomach. He loved their baby so much already. He felt this overwhelming protectiveness of Meredith and their unborn child. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms all day.

"Let's go see the Eiffel tower tonight," Meredith said after a moment of silence.

Derek chuckled. "We already saw it three times."

"But I love it."

"Fine," Derek told her. "But this time, we're taking the elevator to the top."

"But going up the steps is the best part," Meredith said. Derek made a face. Meredith punched him lightly. "Lazy bum."

"I'm just concerned," Derek said sincerely. "For you and for our baby."

Meredith scoffed. "You know that's a myth. I can climb steps like anyone else."

"I know," Derek said. "I was just trying to get out of it."

Meredith giggled. Derek grinned up at her before shifting down on the bed and pressing his cheek to her stomach. The feel of his stubble on her bare stomach was oddly intimate to Meredith. She loved how concerned he was.

When she had first learned she was pregnant, she was terrified. Terrified that she would be alone. That Derek would be mad. Looking back she couldn't believe she had actually thought that. Derek was being amazing. She could hear the love in each of his words, feel it in every touch. His hand on her back. A kiss on her cheek. His hand wrapped around hers. He loved her.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he rested gently on her stomach. "You know," he commented, not moving. "We still haven't picked out a name."

Meredith was quiet for a moment. "I actually…kind of have an idea…"

Derek lifted his head and looked up at her. "For a name?"

"Yeah." Derek looked at her expectantly. "Molly."

A smile slowly spread across his face. "That was my name," he said with a slights smirk.

Meredith was confused. "What?" she asked. "Do you have something to tell me?"

Derek laughed and moved up the bed again, kissing her softly. "It would've been my name if I had been a girl."

Understanding and a trace of relief spread across Meredith's face. "Thank god."

Derek kissed her again. Meredith let out a slight sigh and nestled against him, closing her eyes. He wrapped his arms tightly around her and breathed in deeply. "I like it," he said finally.

"The name?"

"Yeah."

"Me too."

xxx

Meredith emerged from the bathroom that night in a simple black cocktail dress. Derek nearly fell over. She was so beautiful. "You're beautiful," he told her softly, slightly breathless.

She walked across the room and stepped into his arms, draping her arms around his neck. "Thank you," she said.

He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly, slowly. She melted against, giving in to the feeling of his lips against hers, his stubble tickling her softly. They pulled back after a while. "We should go," she said breathlessly.

He didn't look like he wanted to go anywhere. "Couldn't we just do this tonight?" he said.

"You know," she replied, "believe it or not, I didn't put a cocktail dress and high heels on just for you."

He pretended to be shocked. "Really?"

"Really." She smiled up at him. "You're cute."

He grinned. "Why thank you."

"You're welcome." She gave him a quick kiss. "Now let's go."

xxx

Meredith starred up at the Eiffel tower in awe. It got her every time. The sheer beauty of it. It seemed so glorious set against the night sky, with stars twinkling around it. After a moment she glanced at Derek. He wasn't looking at the tower. He was looking at her. She smiled at him and leaned forward and kissed him gently. "I wish I could stay here forever," she told him.

Derek smiled and shifted his gaze back up at the monument. "What do you find so captivating about it?" he asked her.

She was silent for a moment. "I have this memory," she began. "One of my earliest memories of my mom." She closed her eyes, lost in the past. "I was sitting on her lap looking through this picture book. Something like "Wonders of the World"…" She smiled, her eyes twinkling. "And we came to the Eiffel tower. And it was just so beautiful." There were tears in her voice. Derek didn't say anything, he only reached down and took her hand within his. "She said to me," Meredith continued, "she said to me, 'Someday, we'll go there together, Meredith.' And I believed her." Meredith nodded slightly, bowing her head and wiping her eyes. "Sometimes I miss her," Meredith said softly, turning to Derek again. Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around her. She let her head fall on his shoulder.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too," she replied, burying her face in his chest.

They stood like that for a while. Him just holding her and her just letting him. Suddenly, Meredith felt a raindrop on her cheek. She lifted her head and glanced up at the sky. The stars had faded into the clouds. "It's going to rain," she observed absentmindedly.

They walked over to the sidewalk and stood under and awning as the rain became heavier. Neither of them really wanted to go inside. They stood together as the crowds slowly thinned, leaving them alone except for people bustling past with umbrellas and raincoats. Meredith leaned her head on Derek's shoulder as they watched the rain come down steadily.

She felt odd. But not in a bad way. She couldn't put her finger on it. Finally, she decided it was something close to content. She was content. She never really had been before. There was always more. More to get, more to lose. But now…Now, she was content. She was safe. She was happy.

Sometime later, the rain slowly thinned. Meredith breathed in deeply. She smelled the smell of clean air and fresh starts. Those were the things that rain left behind. People returned to the damp streets one by one. Derek turned his head towards Meredith. He reached out and put his hand behind her head, pulling her towards him. She kissed him passionately. And in that kiss she put everything. Everything she was. She kissed him for his love. She kissed him for his kindness. She kissed him for their baby. She kissed him for their happiness. For their memories. For their future.

And when she pulled away, nothing had really changed, but something had shifted in an odd way. They had never questioned their love for each other. But now, it was perfectly clear to Meredith that their love was one that would last a lifetime. And she would always have that.

He felt it too. He felt the forever she had felt. And he was happy. Happy that he would always be with her. Happy that she was here with him now. And maybe he didn't want to move just yet. Maybe he just wanted to go on holding her.

**This is not the end!!! Lol. I just wanted to make this clear, because I could totally have ended it right here, but I wanted to go a little further into Meredith's pregnancy, so I'm going to keep going. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but things have been insane. I tried to make this chapter really good to make up for it, though. I had a lot of fun with it actually. Being deep and profound is very entertaining and is also a great change of scene after their wedding. Anyway, I'll post more soon! Enjoy, and I love all your comments!! **


	34. Drifting in the Gray

Meredith and Derek walked through the airport hand in hand, about to catch their flight back home. They had spent the remaining days of their honeymoon lying in bed mostly and talking. About everything. Meredith loved it. She got addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone.

But the talk wasn't always deep and intense. Half the time they would just talk about the baby and come up with names if it was a boy while Derek stroked her stomach softly. Derek had always believed in soul mates. With Addison, he knew she wasn't it. He had loved her. He had thought he was in love with her. But now, with Meredith, he knew through and through that she was it. She was his soulmate. And he was pretty sure he was the luckiest guy in the world.

Suddenly, Meredith's cell phone went off. She glanced at the number. "Christina," she told Derek before opening it and pressing it to her ear. "Hello?" she said. The airport was so noisy that she had to cover her other ear in order to hear what Christina was saying.

"Meredith?" Christina said. "Where are you?"

"In the airport," Meredith replied.

Christina was silent on the other end. Meredith waited. "I have some news..."

She didn't sound to happy about it. "What is it, Christina?"

"It's Susan," Christina replied slowly. "She's in the hospital."

Meredith looked at Derek. He immediately saw the pain in her eyes and moved closer to her. "Oh," Meredith said. "How's Lexie? And my dad?"

"They're not doing so well," Christina said. Meredith could hear the understanding in her voice. She was no stranger to loss, but then again, neither was Meredith. "You should come home."

"I am," Meredith said. "Our plane leaves in about and hour."

"Okay," Christina said. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith closed her phone and turned towards Derek. "It's Susan," she said.

Derek eyes filled with concern and Meredith knew some of it was for her. "I'm sorry."

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, well. I didn't really know her that well." Derek nodded his head slightly and pulled her into his arms. She decided not to tell him what she was really thinking. What she had been hoping, because in truth, she knew it was silly. Silly to think it would ever happen. That Susan could really become the mother she never had. The mother she had been deprived of.

xxx

Meredith had fallen asleep on the plane, her hand resting on her stomach. Derek glanced over at her from his book and smiled. But he was worried about her. She had just barely let Susan into her life and now she might lose her again. She had lost so much love in her life. What amazed Derek was that she could still be open to love after all she'd gone through. It was true that she struggled. She had struggled with giving her whole heart to him. But she had.

He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face gently. She stirred slightly and opened her eyes. "I didn't mean to wake you," Derek said softly.

She smiled sleepily at him through half-lidded eyes. "S'okay," she mumbled. He lifted the armrest between them and moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes again.

"Go back to sleep," he said gently.

"I was planning on it," she told him.

xxx

They were out of the airport thirty minutes after the plane landed and arrived at the hospital an hour after that. Derek held her hand as they walked inside. Meredith found Christina quickly.

"Welcome back," Christina said, but her face hinted at sadness.

Meredith smiled faintly. "Hey."

Christina understood that now was not the time that Meredith would tell her about the trip. There would be time for that later. "Where are they?" Meredith asked softly.

Christina nodded slightly and led them away. They arrived outside a room. Meredith didn't go in right away. "You're coming in, right?" she said, squeezing his hand nervously. She worried that she wouldn't be able to stay upright without him.

"Yes," he said. She nodded and opened the door.

She met Lexie's eyes first. She had been crying. A lot. Meredith felt a pang of empathy for her. She knew all about this. Losing a mother and all. She turned to her father next. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring intently at his hands. She guessed he didn't want her to see his face. He didn't want her to see he had been crying. He wanted to keep his sadness away from the harsh, glaring world. How much she was like him.

"Hi," Meredith said. Derek nodded in greeting slightly. No one said anything. They stood in the doorway uncertainly. "I guess, we'll just...sit."

Meredith and Derek took seats. "What happened?" Meredith asked after a while.

Lexie considered the question. Considered wether or not she could answer without crying. "She fell," she answered.

"Oh," Meredith replied. "What are the doctors saying?"

"It's, um, not..." Lexie swallowed. "Not...looking...good."

"I'm so sorry," Derek said.

"Thanks," Lexie said.

Meredith hadn't looked at the bed yet. It was all too achingly familiar. Finally she did, though. It wasn't all that scary. Just a person who she had almost known.

Being a doctor and all, Meredith had divided all human beings, all patients, into two categories. Dead and alive. She knew it was blunt, but it was the truth. You were either breathing or you weren't. But, like most things, there was also a grey area. It was called a coma. You weren't quite dead and you weren't quite alive. You were in between. Drifting in between.

Meredith felt like she had spent a good deal of her life drifting in that grey area. In limbo between the world and...something else.

Meredith suddenly had an idea. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Meredith asked Lexie. She figured she probably hadn't left this room for the past two days. Fresh air as always good. Looking at the stars always put things into perspective.

Lexie was torn. But she said okay. They got up and walked outside. As Meredith closed the door behind them she caught a smile from Derek. She also caught something else. Her father finally glanced at her. She wished he hadn't. She could see it in his face. He was drifting away too.

xxx

Meredith and Lexie in silence for a while outside the hospital. There was a slight breeze and Meredith pulled her sweater closer around her. "How was your honeymoon?" Lexie said breaking the silence.

Meredith studied her from the corner of her eye. "It was great. We saw the Eiffel tower. Even ate escargot."

"Ew," Lexie said, making a face.

Meredith laughed. She was relieved to see Lexie wasn't completely broken. "Have you ever seen Paris?"

Lexie shook her head. "We were going to go. This summer actually."

The sadness in her voice was evident. Meredith felt her heart ache knowingly. Lexie was going to go to Paris with her mother. Then she wasn't. "You could still go," Meredith told her.

"Yeah," Lexie said. "I guess."

"I'm really sorry about your mom," Meredith told her quietly.

Lexie paused in her walking and looked at Meredith, tears flooding her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

Meredith nodded her head slightly. "I know. I know what you mean."

Lexie knew about her mom. Now she understood. "I don't know how to be here without her."

Meredith nodded again, focusing on something in the distance. "That never really goes away."

Sometimes Meredith wished her mother had died. She knew how horrible it was, but it was true. Really, though, she was gone. Except she wasn't. She was lingering. She was drifting. Something occurred to Meredith that she had never really considered. In all of her sorting, dead, alive, dead, alive, she had never considered that maybe no one was ever truly dead. But with that came another realization: maybe no one was ever truly alive either.

xxx

Meredith and Derek went home a few hours later. They walked into their bedroom and Meredith sat down heavily on the bed. "You okay?" Derek asked, walking over and squatting in front of her.

Meredith offered him a weak smile. "I guess." He reached up and stroked her cheek softly. "I'm tired." He smiled at her and leaned forward, kissing her softly. "When does the constant exhaustion go away?" Meredith asked absentmindedly, rubbing her stomach.

"Second trimester."

"Couple weeks to go," Meredith said, frowning.

Derek chuckled. "You ready for bed?"

Meredith nodded and they crawled under the covers. Derek lay behind her and wrapped his arm around her stomach, stroking her stomach softly. "Hey Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sad."

"About Susan?" Derek asked gently.

"Yeah." Meredith was silent for a moment and snuggled closer to him, wanting to get lost in him. His smell, his warmth, his love. "I love you."

Derek breathed in deeply and held her tight. It was almost as if he thought if he held her, maybe he could absorb some of her sadness. "I love you too."

They fell asleep like that. Him holding her, his hand resting protectively on her stomach.


	35. I Want to Thank You

Meredith woke up and moved closer to Derek, not wanting to get up just yet. He sighed slightly, opening his eyes and tightening his grasp around her. "Morning," he said quietly.

"Morning," she said groggily. After a moment she added firmly, "I can't get up."

"Why not?" he said, leaning down and kissing her forehead softly.

"Too tired."

He chuckled. "But you have to," he said.

"No."

"For Bailey?"

"Uh-uh."

"Christina?" No response. "Surgery? Patients?" Meredith remained adamantly positioned in bed, her arm wrapped around him. He lowered his voice: "For Susan?"

Meredith was quiet. She let out a breath and lifted her head. "Yeah," she said, her eyes glassy. "I guess."

He smiled at her and leaned down, kissing her softly. She sighed softly and pressed her lips lightly to his cheek. "I don't want to leave you," she told him quietly.

He smiled. "You're so cute."

"Stop saying that."

"It's true," he said reasonably. He smiled and moved down the bed so that his face was level with her stomach. "You're cute too."

Meredith smiled. "How do you know?" He looked up at her. "For all we know our baby could be ugly."

He laughed. "I have a feeling it won't be."

"At this point, though, it probably looks more along the lines of a sea monkey than an actual human being," she said, her eyes twinkling.

He stared at her in mock horror. "How can you say that?"

She kissed him. "Well it's true."

xxx

Meredith and Derek walked into the hospital. They both got onto the elevator. Once the doors shut Derek turned to Meredith, his eyes filled with concern. "You going to see Lexie and your dad?" he asked gently. She nodded, her eyes full. He smiled faintly and leaned forward, kissing her forehead. "Wanna meet for lunch?"

She smiled at him. "Yeah. Maybe I can persuade Lexie and my dad to come along."

He nodded. "Okay." He leaned forward, drawing her in for a kiss when the doors opened and Addison stepped on. She smiled, her face friendly.

"Morning," she said.

"Morning," both Derek and Meredith replied.

Addison was standing slightly in front of them on the elevator and she glanced over her shoulder. "How are things?" she said. Her tone sounded almost obligatory.

Meredith smiled at her. "Great."

They rode the rest of the way in silence, but it wasn't awkward or strained. They all seemed to be lost in thought. Derek held Meredith's hand firmly as her mind wandered for the remaining two minutes of the ride. Though, she really was sad about Susan, Meredith found herself becoming more and more concerned with Lexie. She didn't want her to know it felt like to lose a mother. Meredith felt an odd, protectiveness over Lexie that was foreign to her. She wanted Lexie to be spared the pain she went through.

Finally, the doors dinged open and all three of them walked out. Derek walked Meredith as far as the locker room before he had to go for surgery. He reached out and brushed a strand of hair out of her face lovingly, and stroked her cheek softly. Under his touch, Meredith felt soothed slightly. She leaned forward and kissed him softly. "Thank you," she told him sincerely.

"For what?" Derek asked.

"Everything."

xxx

Meredith knocked on the door before walking in. Lexie looked up and smiled at her as did Thatch. He seemed slightly better. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. "Hey," Meredith greeted, taking a seat next to Lexie. She glanced at Susan and at the monitors carefully tracking her heartbeat and breath. "Any change?" she asked softly.

Lexie shook her head. "No," she said brokenly.

Meredith didn't really know what to say. Anything she thought of would've sounded silly in the moment. So she remained quiet.

They sat together in silence until Meredith had to leave for rounds. She looked over at Lexie whose eyes were glazed over and dark. "I'll be back," Meredith said. It felt strange to talk after remaining quiet for so long. She stood up and went to the door. "Maybe can go to lunch," Meredith suggested.

Lexie looked up at her. Meredith could see in her face that she wanted to go. She knew how hard it was to simply sit and wait. It was almost unbearable. But Meredith also saw that Lexie didn't want to leave her mom. "I'll come back around noon," Meredith told her gently. "You can come if you want."

Lexie nodded and smiled. "Bye," Meredith said with a wave. She began to walk to the door, but turned at the sound of her father's voice.

"Thank you, Meredith," he said, his face strained. She smiled at him.

"You're welcome."

xxx

"You gonna be able to work, Grey?" Bailey inquired as her interns gathered around her.

"Yes," Meredith said confidently.

"I don't believe you. You're on scut."

Meredith sighed. "Great."

After anyone had gotten their assignments, they dispersed. Meredith began to trudge off to the ER. Alex jogged after her and caught up. "What's up?" he asked, falling into stride next to her.

Meredith eyed him carefully. "Nothing," she said.

Alex was silent for a moment. Meredith could feel him looking at her. "You're getting fat," he said finally.

Meredith laughed. "Comes with the territory," she said, patting her stomach. They were quiet for a while. Meredith looked at Alex out of the corner of her eye. "Why are you always so mean?"

Alex shrugged. "Comes with the territory."

xxx

Meredith returned to Susan's room around lunchtime. Lexie smiled slightly at her. "Hey," Meredith said as cheerfully as she could.

"Hi," Lexie said. Her father simply nodded in acknowledgement.

"So what do you say?" Meredith said. "Lunch?"

Lexie glanced at the floor and then at her mom. "Yeah, I guess." Meredith smiled. "Want to come dad?"

Meredith turned to Thatch. "Oh no," he said slowly. "I think I'll stay."

Lexie's eyes clouded over. "Okay." She got up and walked over to Meredith. "I'll bring you something."

xxx

Meredith spotted Derek standing outside the cafeteria. She smiled and walked up to him. She stood on her tip toes and kissed him softly. "Hi," she said.

He grinned. "Hi." He turned to Lexie. "Hi, Lexie."

Lexie smiled. "Hey, Derek."

"Ready?" Derek said.

Lexie and Meredith nodded and they made their way into the cafeteria. Meredith pondered over the food voices. She finally made her way over to some pastries, grabbed a brownie and then walked over to the salad bar. Lexie watched in amazement, clutching her plate, as Meredith then placed six or seven pickles on top of her brownie. "Ew," she said softly.

Derek smiled, noticing her face. "You get used to it," he told her.

Lexie looked over at him, her mouth still slightly agape. "I don't think I will."

Derek grinned and grabbed a sandwich, before making his way over to Meredith. "You're scaring Lexie," Derek told her.

Meredith glanced at her plate. "She'll get used to it."

"That's what I said," Derek said. Meredith smirked and kissed him quickly before turning towards the check out.

Once they were seated, Meredith immediately dug in. Lexie made a face. "Shut up," Meredith said, her mouth full. That made Lexie smile.

xxx

That night, when Meredith and Derek got home, Meredith walked into the living room and threw herself onto the couch face down. "I'm exhausted," she groaned, her voice muffled by the cushions. She could hear Derek chuckle behind her as he came in and sat down next to her.

She managed to sit up and reposition herself against him. He wrapped his arm around her as she pressed her face into his chest, sighing contentedly. "I think," Meredith said into his shirt, "that I'm worried about Lexie." She lifted her head slightly and looked at Derek. "I'm getting all big sister-y."

"That's good."

"It's stressful," Meredith said, resting her head on his chest again.

Derek chuckled and absentmindedly ran his hand through her hair. "Having siblings is stressful sometimes."

"Were you a protective big brother?" Meredith asked.

"Definitely." Meredith smiled. "I once punched a guy in the face for making fun of Sarah."

Meredith laughed. "You punched a guy out for teasing your sister?"

"Like I said," Derek said. "Very protective."

"Well that's good," Meredith said. "It means you'll be a good dad."

Derek smiled and kissed the top of her head. "I love you," he said.

"I love you too," she told him.

For a while, saying those three words 'I love you' was the hardest thing for Meredith. She had to force herself to form the words. But now, saying them to Derek seemed like the most natural thing in the world. Derek was the first person who had ever showed Meredith the joy of loving someone and being loved back. And now, thanks to him, Meredith no longer feared love.

"Ready to go to bed?" Derek asked her softly.

She tried to form a word, but she was too tired, so she settled for "Mmmm."

He laughed and moved his hands underneath her. In one fluid motion, he scooped her up into his arms and made his way to the stairs. She didn't object. She only rested her head on his chest and draped her arms around his neck, loving him more than ever.

He walked into their bedroom and placed her onto the bed, pulling the covers around her. He then climbed in himself, wrapping his around her waist and pulling her into him. She sighed happily and picked up his hand, moving it to her stomach. He stroked it softly and pressed a kiss to her cheek as she drifted off into sleep.


	36. 2:13

It was 2:13 in the morning. She knew because the nurse said it. The exactness of it comforted her. It was comforting in an odd way to know the exact moment when your world fell apart. Before 2:13 she was happy. Now she was not.

It happened quickly. She had been sleeping, curled up in her chair, beside the bed. The steady beeping of the monitors were like a strange, distant lullaby. She had been dreaming about her dog Spot. He had died when she was seven. She didn't really know how Spot had managed to make his way into her subconscious.

Suddenly the monitors changed. The beeping went from a lullaby to an alarm. She stood up. She looked at her mother. She knew almost immediately. That she was dying that is.

The nurses came. They did everything they could. That's what they said anyway. 2:13. The world didn't really matter anymore, but she cried anyway. The tears were for her mother. And the fact that she was gone. But they were also for herself. And the fact that she was still here.

xxx

They didn't know what to do now that she was gone. It was almost as if their lives had faded away while they were sitting in the room. He looked at her. His eyes were confused and also immensely sad.

Someone came and took her away. "She's gone," her father said.

Lexie felt raw and hopeless. She didn't want to feel this way. She didn't want to be here anymore. "We should..." her words were choked. "We should...go home..." She didn't really want to do that, but her father nodded.

They walked out into the lobby. Lexie didn't really think it had hit him yet. Maybe it hadn't hit her either. She felt herself putting her sadness in a very small, very distant section of her brain. She registered the world absentmindedly. She felt things vaguely. She did things slowly.

They walked to their cars without talking. They got in without talking. Lexie thought that maybe she should stay with her father. She thought that maybe she should make sure he was okay. But how could she? When she wasn't okay herself. She felt responsible for her father. She didn't want to feel that. She didn't want to be with anyone who was as sad her.

She drove away from him. She drove to Meredith's house even though it was close to three o'clock in the morning. She parked her car. She got out of her car. The air felt cold and harsh to her skin. She walked to the door and knocked. Meredith and Derek stumbled down the stairs. Lexie thought that maybe she should feel embarrassed.

"Lexie?" Meredith said. She looked confused. But then she saw Lexie's face and she wasn't confused anymore. "Are you okay?" she asked.

A sob escaped Lexie. "She's...she's gone," she said. It had hit her. There was no hiding from it now.

Meredith's eyes filled with tears. Without even thinking about it she pulled Lexie into a hug. Lexie let her heavy head rest on Meredith's shoulder. Derek smiled at them and then silently backed away.

Lexie didn't know how long she cried. But when she finally ran out of tears, Meredith pulled back. Lexie saw her eyes were misty too. "Do you want to stay here tonight?" Meredith asked softly.

Lexie didn't trust her voice. She nodded. "Okay," Meredith said.

xxx

Meredith stayed with Lexie until she had fallen asleep on the couch and then got up and walked back up the stairs. Derek was awake. She crawled under the covers and he immediately pulled her into his body. She rested her head on his chest and let her own tears fall. Her heart felt so full.

"I'm so sorry, Meredith," Derek said softly. He kissed her forehead gently. "How's Lexie?"

Meredith shook her head slightly. "She's sleeping on the couch."

Meredith felt him nod his head. "You're a good big sister," he said after a moment. "You know that?"

Meredith felt her heart swell. Tears streamed down her face. She loved Derek so much. "I am?" she managed.

"You are," he replied.

xxx

The morning was lovely. It was a beautiful day outside. Lexie felt a strange anger towards the world for not acknowledging her sadness. She wished it were raining.

She didn't want to get up. She didn't think she could. Her sadness was so overwhelming that she didn't know what to do. Her agony was a gaping wound. Soon, it would get infected. Then, after that, the infection would enter her bloodstream. Lexie thought that being septic was a good alternative to the complete hopeless, sadness she was feeling at that moment.

She felt broken. Not put together. She didn't know how to be in the world when her mother wasn't. Someone put a hand on her shoulder. She registered it vaguely. Someone said her name. It was Meredith.

Lexie looked at Meredith and felt like she might cry again. "Hi," she told Meredith.

"Hey," Meredith said. She sat down next to Lexie on the couch. "What do you want to do?" She paused. "I could take you home."

"I don't know if I can be there right now," Lexie said feeling very hopeless indeed.

"Your dad needs you," Meredith said. It was true.

"When we get there," Lexie said slowly, "could you come in?"

Meredith smiled. "Yeah. I will."

xxx

Meredith walked into the kitchen. Izzie was making something that smelled really good, but she abandoned it to walk over and give Meredith a hug. "Derek just told me," Izzie said. "Are you okay?"

Meredith smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine." She glanced at Derek. "I barely knew her."

"How's Lexie?" Alex asked while pouring himself a glass of orange juice.

Meredith walked across the room and sat next to Derek at the counter. "She's sad." She propped her elbow on the counter and rested her head in her hand. "I'm taking her home."

"Well when you get back," Izzie said, "breakfast will be ready." She smiled at Meredith.

"Thanks Iz," Meredith said . She got up and walked outside. Derek followed her.

Outside in the foyer, Meredith turned to him. He walked over to her and she leaned into him, feeling immensely tired. "Why does life have to be so...ugh?" Meredith complained.

Derek chuckled. "I don't know."

"Mmm," she said into his shirt, before lifting her head and looking at him. "I love you."

"I love you," he said, leaning down and kissing her softly. She moved closer to him, placing her hands on his chest. She let herself get lost in him for a moment. He wrapped his arms around her tightly. It was nice to get lost sometimes.

When they pulled apart, he moved his hands to her stomach. She let out a quiet groan. "I'm getting fat."

He laughed. "You can't even tell with clothes on," he told her.

She smiled. "Still."

He kissed her. "You're beautiful."

"Thank you."

He kissed her on the forehead, before pulling back slightly. "I'll see you in a little bit," he said. She nodded and walked into the living room. Lexie was sitting on the couch, staring out the window. Meredith sat down next to her.

"I can't believe she's gone," Lexie said softly. "I don't know what to do...I don't know how to be here...without her."

Meredith was quiet for a moment. She looked at Lexie and then out the window. She sighed softly. "You're going to be okay," she said finally.

Lexie turned her head and looked at Meredith dazedly. "How?"

"I don't know," Meredith replied honestly. "But you will be."

xxx

Meredith pulled into the driveway at Lexie's house. "Ready?" she said.

Lexie nodded and they both got out of the car. Lexie walked up to the front door and opened it. Her body felt weary. She longed to curl up in her bed and sleep. Forever maybe.

Her father walked from the living room and stood in front of Lexie. Meredith thought her looked like he might fall apart. The glue holding him together was very thin. "Where've you been?" he asked.

"I stayed at Meredith's last night," Lexie said.

Thatch glanced up and seemed to notice Meredith for the first time. Meredith looked at him sadly. "It was no problem," she offered after a silence.

"Thank you," Thatch said.

They stood there for a while. Meredith wondered if she should leave. "I'm so sorry," she said instead of leaving.

Thatch's eyes glazed over. "Thank you," he said, his voice shaking. Meredith nodded, wishing she could hug him. Thankfully, Lexie did instead. Meredith smiled faintly and walked outside silently.

xxx

Meredith walked back into the house. George, who had been in the living room, walked over and gave Meredith a hug. "I'm so sorry," George said.

Meredith smiled at him, thinking of how great her friends were. "Thank you, George," Meredith said.

George smiled as well and they both walked into the kitchen. Meredith sat down next to Derek at the counter. He kissed her on the lips quickly. Within a few moments, Izzie had produced a plate of pancakes (with blueberries) and placed it in front of Meredith. Meredith smiled. The world might in fact be ugh, but how lucky she was.


	37. It's a Long Story

"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

Lexie stared into the distance as the minister spoke. The words came to her slowly. The world around her had blurred into mourning. How did she get to this place? Why was she standing in the middle of a graveyard? Where was her mother? She felt the tears perched behind her eyelids. She didn't want to cry anymore. And then, suddenly, the minister's words stopped. The silence was all around. Lexie looked up. She watched as, one by one, all these people she knew picked up handfuls of dirt and let it run through their fingers, back into the ground.

One by one, everyone left. But she stayed. She stood there until the sun had moved across the sky and the light had turned pale and golden. And finally, as the sun was giving way to the stars, Lexie turned from the grave and walked back to her car.

As she drove home, the moon poured its light through her windshield. She realized that no matter what, the sun and the moon would always rise. It was a comforting thought. Some things she could count on. Maybe everything would be okay.

xxx

"I feel bad," Meredith said as they walked back into the house.

"She'll be fine," Derek replied.

"We just left her standing there," Meredith said.

"I think she wanted to be alone," George chimed in as he walked through the door.

"Dude, she was totally zoned out," Alex said.

Meredith turned back to Derek. "You really think she's okay?"

"Yes," Derek, wrapping his arms around her waist.

Meredith sighed and leaned her head on his chest. "Do you have a shift?" she asked.

"Not until tomorrow morning," Derek said, resting his chin on her head.

"Good," Meredith said, pulling back and kissing him softly. "Me neither."

Derek looked at her for a moment, a slight smile on her lips. A shiver ran through her as she stared into his eyes. She moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest. "I want to show you something," Derek said softly.

Meredith looked up at him. "What?"

He smiled. "It's a surprise."

Meredith laughed. "A surprise?"

He nodded. He took her hand in his and led her outside. "Where are we going?" Meredith asked.

He grinned. "You'll see."

xxx

Derek stopped the car at the bottom of a dirt road and turned to Meredith who was eyeing him skeptically. "What are we doing?" she said.

Derek leaned over and kissed her softly. "How many times do I have to tell you," he told her, "it's a surprise."

Meredith smiled and kissed him again. "Fine."

They both got out of the car and began to walk up the road, hand in hand. Meredith looked all around her as they walked. Tall, broad trees surrounded them, reaching up to the sky. Meredith had never really been an outdoorsy girl, but on those nights that she had spent in Derek's trailer, she had come to appreciate the sounds of nature. The birds, the wind, even the cricket's with their high-pitched symphonies. "It's beautiful," she said softly.

Derek squeezed her hand. "I'm glad you think so."

Meredith eyed him out of the corner of her eye, but didn't ask questions. She would let him have his little surprise.

They walked around a slight bend in the road and suddenly came to a large overlook. From where they stood, they could see the skyline of Seattle. Meredith realized that they were facing west and at that moment, the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, leaving a flood of colors in its wake. "Do you like it?" Derek asked.

Meredith smiled. "I love it," she replied.

"Good," Derek said, "because this is where the house is going to go."

Meredith stared at him. "The house?" she asked.

"Our house," Derek said, reaching out and pulling her close to him.

"Our house?" Meredith whispered breathlessly.

"Mmmhmm," Derek said, gazing at her.

Meredith felt tears fill her eyes. "I love you so much," she said, her voice wobbly.

"I love you too," Derek said as he lowered his lips onto hers and kissed her tenderly. She sighed softly into his lips and placed her hands on his chest. After a moment, they pulled apart slightly and turned to the horizon. The sun was almost gone and together they watched as the stars took its place.

xxx

Later that night, Meredith and Derek lay in bed together. Meredith was on her back and Derek was on his side, stroking her stomach softly. "I can't believe we're going to have a house," Meredith said softly.

"You didn't think we'd live here forever did you?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith said. "Well, maybe."

Derek leaned down and kissed her gently. "Are you happy?"

Meredith smiled. "Yes. Very." She looked around their room. It used to be her mother's room. She wondered if buildings could hold memories. She shook her head slightly. _God, I hope it doesn't remember everything, _she thought. She turned back to Derek. "I'll miss this place, though."

Derek smiled down at her. "I know."

Meredith turned on her side and moved closer to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. He moved his hand from her stomach and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him. "I love you," he whispered into her ear.

"I love you."

xxx

When Derek woke up the next morning, Meredith wasn't in bed. He immediately got up and went downstairs. He found her standing on the porch, staring at something in the distance, her arms folded across her chest. He went out on the porch and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach and pressing a kiss to her neck. "You okay?" he said into her hair.

"Yeah," she said. She paused, her brow furrowed. "I had the strangest dream last night."

Derek held her tighter. "What happened?"

Meredith was silent for a moment. "You had a surprise for me and you drove me to that same road we went yesterday. We walked up the path, just like yesterday, but when we got to the bend in the road you made me cover my eyes and you led me around the curve to the outlook. I opened my eyes and sitting right in front of me was this beautiful doll house. But for some reason, I was disappointed. I turned to you and said, 'I don't like it'. And then I woke up."

Derek was quiet. She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "What are you thinking?" she asked. he dropped his eyes to the ground. "What?" Meredith asked, confused.

"It's just...I can't help but think..." Derek shook his head slightly. "Are you scared?"

Meredith shook her head slightly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean about the house."

Suddenly, Meredith understood. "Oh, Derek," she said quickly. "No, I'm not scared at all. I wasn't scared in the dream."

"You were disappointed." Derek studied her face, his eyes were sad.

"Derek," Meredith said earnestly. "I'm not scared. I won't be disappointed." She smiled slightly. It was strange to be the one reassuring him. "I want to live forever with you in a house that we built together."

Derek nodded and smiled. He leaned forward and kissed her softly. "Okay," he said, holding her tight. After a while, he pulled back and studied her face. "Then what do you think the dream means?"

Meredith shook her head. "I don't know."

xxx

"So, McDreamy gave you a doll house?" Christina asked, a certain amount of amusement in her voice. meredith had just told Christina her dream.

"Yup," Meredith answered.

"And you didn't like it."

"Yup."

"Hey, I wouldn't either. It's totally patronizing."

Meredith laughed. "What do you think it means?"

Christina made a face. "I don't know. Psychiatry is for weaklings."

Meredith glared at her. "Shut up."

Christina smirked. "Fine." She began to walk away. "Good luck with your subconscious!" she called behind her.

xxx

That evening, Meredith was sitting in the living room, watching TV, waiting for Derek to come home when a memory popped into her head.

_"Meredith," her dad said one morning, "I have a surprise for you."_

_Meredith jumped off the her stool and ran over to him. "Is it a pony?"_

_Thatch laughed and picked the little girl up in his arms. "Not this time," he said, grinning down at her. _

_Meredith furrowed her brow in concentration. "Well then what?"_

_Thatch laughed and put her back down. Meredith held his hand as he led her upstairs. He led her to the attic door and Meredith's eyes widened in wonder. The attic had a strange mysteriousness to it. Thatch opened the door and they walked up into the attic. _

_"Now close your eyes," her dad said softly. Meredith did as she was told. She heard as Thatch swept a blanket off of something. "Okay," he said._

_Meredith opened her eyes. In front of her stood a huge, beautiful dollhouse. Every detail had been painstakingly constructed. Everything was perfect. Everything was in place. But Meredith wasn't happy. She had stopped playing with dolls at least a year ago. How could he not know that? How? _

_She frowned and turned to her dad. "I don't like it," she said defiantly. _

_Thatch's face fell. He looked from the dollhouse to Meredith's somber, eight-year-old face. He nodded wearily. "Okay," he said. "That's fine." He took the blanket and threw it back over the dollhouse. _

_Under that blanket, both he and Meredith could pretend it was never there. _

Meredith felt a guilt deep within her as she let the past wash over her. Why had she done that to her father? Why? She could've at least pretended to be happy. But she also suspected that her anger didn't come from just the dollhouse. It came from the fact that her father didn't know her. He didn't know what she liked. He had made the wrong thing.

At least now she knew what her dream was about. Derek's surprise had wrenched this forgotten memory from her subconscious. And now, comparing the two surprises, it made Derek's that much sweeter. Because he knew what she wanted. He knew what she liked. He loved her and cared about her in a way that no one ever had before.

Just then, the front door opened and Derek walked inside. Meredith got up from the couch and ran over to him, burying her face in his chest. Derek wrapped his arms around instinctively and hugged her close. "You okay?" he asked softly.

Meredith nodded into his shirt. "Yeah," she said. She looked up at him. "I'm fine."

"Then why are you crying?" Derek asked, reaching up and brushing a few strands of hair out her face.

Meredith shook her head. "I know what my dream means," she said.

Derek nodded. "What does it mean?"

"I'll tell you later," she said. "It's a long story. But it begins when a guy and a girl meet in a bar."

Derek leaned down and kissed her. "I think I know this one."


	38. I Won't Fear Love

Meredith and Derek had the next day off and they slept in, late into the morning. When Meredith did wake up, she turned in Derek's arms and kissed him softly on the lips.

He opened his eyes and looked at her lovingly. "Morning."

"Morning," she said. She dropped her eyes. She needed to tell him something. Last night, after he had fallen asleep, she had stayed up and thought. She had thought about the house and their lives. And she had decided that maybe she was scared. But she had also decided, with firm recognition, that she loved him and she wanted to build the house. More than anything.

She rested her head on his chest. She let out a long breath. "I think I am scared," she said finally.

He looked down at her. "Of what?" he asked softly.

"Building a house," Meredith replied, her face hidden in his shirt.

Derek was quiet for a while, but he didn't pull away from her like she feared. He rubbed her back gently and kissed the top of her head.

"Are you mad?" Meredith asked. She pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. He didn't look mad. He looked thoughtful.

"No. I'm not," he said and leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. "It's okay to be scared."

Meredith glanced down. "It is?"

Derek smiled at her. "Yes." He was quiet again. "I'm a little scared too."

Meredith looked back up at him, her eyes full. "You are?"

He nodded. She nodded too and tucked her head under his chin, taking a deep breath. "This doesn't mean I don't want to do it," she said. She didn't want him to think she doubted their forever.

She felt his chin move against her head as he nodded. "I know. Same here."

She smiled. "Good." She looked up at him. He kissed her softly. "I love you," she said into his lips.

"I love you too," he answered, pulling her tightly against him and kissing her deeply.

xxx

Later that day, Meredith and Derek went for a long walk. Meredith felt much better having told him her fears. She knew he understood. But now, knowing it was okay to be scared, Meredith wasn't scared anymore. She felt herself getting excited. She pictured what it would look like. The kitchen. The nursery. The bedrooms. She was falling in love with the idea.

"I think we should have a blue door," Meredith said suddenly as they walked.

Derek laughed and looked at her. "Blue?"

Meredith smiled at him. "Yeah. Like in the Notebook."

"As I recall," Derek said. "That house also had blue shutters."

Meredith gasped. "You watched the Notebook?" she asked as if it were the end of the world.

"Not voluntarily," Derek said. He pointed at her accusingly. "_You _made me watch it."

Meredith laughed. "Oh yeah."

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. She stopped walking and turned to him, looking up into his eyes. "You know," she said, placing her hands on his chest. "In that movie, Noah built the house with his bare hands." She kissed him softly. "I think you should do that."

"In your dreams." Derek leaned in and kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her waist. "And anyway, he didn't build it. He fixed up an old house."

Meredith laughed. "You do know that movie so well. I'm starting to wonder if you secretly watch it when your alone."

Derek smiled. "Nope."

"Oh my god, you so do."

"I do not."

"You're blushing."

"It's hot."

"It's April."

"Exactly."

Meredith laughed an leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He rubbed her back gently and pressed his face into her hair. "You so do," she said softly after a while.

"I do not."

xxx

That afternoon, Christina came over to Meredith's house. She found in the kitchen. "Hey," Meredith greeted her as she walked in.

"Hey," Christina said. She sat down on a bar stool.

"What's up?" Meredith asked, reaching into the fridge and pulling out the bread. Her knew obsession was a pickle and ketchup sandwich.

"Burke wants you guys over for dinner," Christina said.

"Okay," Meredith said.

"And charades," Christina added sullenly. "He's inviting Izzie, Alex, and Bambi too."

"What's so bad about charades?" Meredith asked, smearing ketchup over her bread.

"I hate it," Christina said.

"Why? Because you always lose?" Meredith said with a smirk.

"I don't lose I just..." Christina sighed. "Yeah, okay I lose."

"And you hate losing."

"What is this? Therapy?" Christina asked, clearly annoyed.

Meredith put the pickles on her bread carefully. "I'm just saying."

Christina watched as Meredith took a bite of her sandwich. "That's disgusting."

Meredith scowled as she chewed. "Shut up," she said. Meredith walked over and sat down next to Christina. "So guess what?"

Christina looked at her. "What?"

"Derek and I are building a house," Meredith said. She couldn't help but smiling.

Christina opened her mouth slightly but no words came out. She looked at Meredith. "Seriously?" she finally managed.

Meredith nodded. "Seriously."

Christina nodded and was silent for a moment. "That's really great, Meredith."

Meredith put down her sandwich, caught off guard by the sincerity in Christina's voice. "Thank you." She looked away from Christina for a second. Her mind wandered from Derek, to their baby, to their house. "What if I mess it up?" she asked softly.

Christina turned to her, her eyes full. "Do you really love him?"

Meredith nodded. "I really, really do," she said her voice shaking slightly. She had never been so sure of anything in her life.

"Then you won't," Christina said simply.

Meredith smiled. She believed her friend. And for once, she believed in herself. "So," she said, letting out a breath. "When's Burke's game night?"

Christina scowled. "Tomorrow night."

xxx

That night, Meredith and Derek lay in bed together. His hand was resting lightly on her stomach. After a while, he pulled her closer to him. "I'm glad you told me that you were scared," he said quietly, absentmindedly, tracing patterns on her stomach.

She smiled. "You are?"

He nodded and looked into her eyes. "Of course I am."

"But you know what?" she said.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm not scared anymore."

He smiled brightly at her. She turned on her side and moved close to him, pressing a kiss to his lips. He let out a soft moan and wrapped his arms around her waist. She kissed him again, deeper this time. Suddenly, Meredith gasped. Derek looked up at her, startled, his eyes filling with worry. "What? What is it?" he asked.

She grinned up at him. "It moved! I felt it move!" she said breathlessly.

His worry immediately faded into excitement. He pressed his cheek to her stomach. "There it is again!" she said. But Derek didn't answer, he was waiting with all his might, a proud smile lighting up his face.


	39. I Hate Charades

Meredith woke up with a smile on her face. She moved her hand to her stomach and her smile spread to a grin. When the baby had moved, it had been the most amazing feeling she had ever experienced. Just that tiny flutter, the first quickening, had sent shivers through her entire body.

Derek woke up as well and pressed a kiss to her neck. "Mmmm…Morning," he said, his voice soft. She smiled as he moved his hand to join hers on her stomach.

"Morning," she said happily.

Derek stroked her stomach softly. "Last night," he said, "was so amazing." She could hear the grin in his voice. "I never imagined…I was so…" he sighed. "I'm happy."

She laughed and turned in his arms. She brought her hand up to his cheek. "Me too," she said.

"C'mere," he said softly, pulling her into him. She rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. She could feel his heart beating softly. She smiled.

Meredith wasn't happy to the point of giddiness very much. But right then, in that moment she could've jumped for joy if she hadn't been so comfortable, tucked up in Derek's arms.

She lifted her head and kissed him softly. He smiled against her lips and brought his hand to the back of her head, cradling it softly as he kissed her deeply. She rolled on top of him and smiled down at him. "I have to get up," she said.

His face fell. He wished he could hold her all day. He didn't want to miss the baby moving again. "No," he said with a pout. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her firmly, so she couldn't move.

She didn't object right away. She lowered her lips to his and let him roll her back onto her side. She also let him move his hands under her shirt and lift it upward. And she wasn't exactly mad when he trailed kisses over her lips and neck and collarbone. But when he reached for the drawstring on her pajama bottoms, she stopped him. "I really do have to get up," she said breathlessly.

He frowned, but let her get out of bed. He watched as she moved around the room, picking out her clothes. She looked up and caught his glance. His eyes were filled with so much veneration and love that she wished she could crawl back into his arms, but she really couldn't. She had to make sure Lexie was all right. She hadn't talked to her since the funeral. "If you think I'm going to let you watch me undress, you're quite mistaken," she said.

He smiled. "Cruel woman."

She grinned and walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She stepped in and just stood there for a minute, letting the water run over her. She looked up in surprise when she heard the bathroom door open. But her surprise turned to amusement quickly as she realized it was Derek. She didn't mind though. She didn't mind being loved.

He opened the shower door and stepped in. He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his hands on her slightly rounded stomach. He kissed her neck. "You're beautiful," he said softly.

An exalted shiver ran through her body. She turned in his arms and kissed him deeply. "I love you," she said into his lips.

"I love…" He kissed her. "You too."

xxx

Meredith knocked on the door. She heard shuffling inside, before the door actually opened. Her father stood before her in a bathrobe, looking like he hadn't shaved in a week. She tried not to look horrified. "Hi," she said, covering her look of utter pity with a smile.

"Hi," he said.

"How are you?" she asked and then immediately wished she hadn't. It only opened up more opportunities for him to sound tragic.

"You know," he said.

She stepped inside. Thatch looked at his bare feet and then up at her. "Is Lexie here?" she asked. He nodded. She waited for him to provide some further explanation, but none came. She pointed to the staircase. "Is she up there?"

He nodded again. _Oh boy, _she thought to herself. She turned and walked up the stairs. There were only two doors. One was open. Meredith peered into the room. It did not contain Lexie. She knocked on the other one. "Come in," Lexie called from within.

Meredith opened the door. Lexie sat up in her bed at the sight of Meredith. "Hi," she said.

Meredith smiled. "Hi." She looked around the room. Honestly, she had expected worse. "You okay?" Meredith asked, looking at her sister, sitting on the bed. She was in pajamas with cherries on them.

Lexie looked at her hands. "Not really," she said.

Meredith nodded and walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. Lexie had a poster of AC/DC on her wall. Meredith pointed to it. "Like the poster, although I never pinned for an AC/DC fan."

Lexie nodded. "Well I'm not really anymore...I kind of went through an emo stage in high school."

Meredith almost laughed. "Same here," she said. Lexie looked doubtful. "Seriously. I was very cool. Black pants. Black shirt. Black lipstick, eyeliner, earrings. I even had chains hanging off various pieces of clothing."

Lexie laughed. "I never would've thought."

Meredith smiled. "Oh yeah. I was very hip." Then suddenly, Meredith felt the baby move again. "Oh my God!" she burst out.

Lexie looked at her strangely. "What?"

Meredith had her hand on her stomach. "The baby just moved," she said, grinning broadly.

Lexie seemed slightly awed. "Really?"

Meredith looked at her. When she saw her face, she smiled. "Here, give me your hand."

Lexie reached out her hand. Meredith took it and put it on her stomach. They both waited in a hushed silence. Suddenly, Lexie laughed. "Oh my God," she said softly."I felt it. That's amazing."

"Isn't it?" Meredith said.

Lexie drew her hand back. "I can't wait to have kids," she said softly, almost to herself.

Meredith looked at her carefully. "Can I ask you something?"

Lexie nodded. "Sure."

"When you were pregnant...were you going to keep the baby?" Meredith asked softly.

Lexie looked slightly pained. "I think I would've...I mean I considered an abortion, but I couldn't..." Her voice trailed off. Tears filled her eyes. "I couldn't bring myself to ask my parents for the money..." She looked at Meredith. "But when I lost it...when I had a miscarriage...I was so ashamed, because I felt...relieved."

Meredith felt tears in her own eyes. She reached out and touched Lexie's foot. "Don't feel guilty for that," she said softly. "It was for the best."

Lexie nodded. "I know that, but it still hurts some times." Lexie pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned back against her head board.

Meredith fell back on the bed and turned her head towards Lexie. "Do you know how to play charades?"

xxx

"Charades?" Derek asked. He gave her a look.

"Oh shut up," Meredith said. "It'll be fun."

"Uh-huh," Derek said.

Meredith hit him lightly and moved closer to him on the couch. He wrapped his arm around her. "I invited Lexie."

Derek smiled. "You did?"

"Yup," Meredith said.

"That was nice," Derek said softly.

Suddenly Meredith let out a quick breath. She grabbed his hand and laced it on her stomach. "You feel that?" she asked.

He nodded and brought his other hand to her stomach too. "It's amazing." He turned his face towards her and kissed her tenderly. "Couldn't we just stay here all night?" he asked.

She laughed. "Nope. Charades awaits us."

xxx

When Meredith and Derek arrived at Burke's apartment, everyone else was already there. Meredith immediately went over to Izzie and Christina. "Where have you guys been?" she asked them.

"Hospital," they both grumbled.

"Bailey wouldn't let us leave," Izzie said. "For 48 frickin hours."

Meredith smirked. "Well," she said, her smirk turning into a grin. "I've been wanting to tell you something."

"What?" Christina asked.

"It moved! The baby moved!"

Izzie immediately grinned. "It did?" she asked.

Meredith nodded. Christina glanced at her stomach. "Woopdy-frickin-doo," she said.

Meredith scowled at her. "Christina."

"I'm tired," Christina said. Meredith and Izzie only laughed.

xxx

A few minutes later, Lexie arrived. Meredith walked over to her. "I'm glad you came," she said sincerely. Lexie smiled.

"Okay," Burke suddenly called. "Everyone ready?"

A few minutes later, everyone was divided up into the teams: Meredith, Derek, Lexie, George against Christina, Burke, Izzie, Alex. Meredith's team went first. Meredith got up and picked a card. She made a face. "Can I choose again?" she asked.

Christina scowled. "Nope."

Meredith glared at her. "Fine." She put the card down. Christina flipped over the hour glass. Meredith held up one finger.

"First word!" George said. Meredith nodded. She held up her two hands close together. "Small word!" George said again.

"It!"

"At!"

"A!"

"The!"

Meredith nodded. She held up two fingers. "Second word!" George practically yelled. Meredith nodded and then thought for a moment. Then she brought her hand up close to her face and pretended to lick it. Derek burst out laughing. Meredith glared at him.

"Ice cream?" George said doubtfully. Meredith went for a different angle. She pantomimed taking a hat off her head.

"20 seconds," Christina said.

Lexie who had been silent for most of this transaction suddenly stood up triumphantly. "The Cat in the Hat!" she said.

"You're out of time!" Christina yelled.

"She got it!" George yelled.

"She totally had it in time!" Derek echoed.

Burke looked amused. "Good job Grey." He smiled. "Both Greys I guess I should say."

Meredith smiled. She sat down next to Derek who kissed her head gently. "Good job," he said. She smiled at him and took his hand.

Christina went next. She picked a card and glanced at, flashing a confident smile. "Okay," she said, rubbing her hands together. "Ready." Meredith flipped the hour glass over. Christina held up one finger.

"First word," Alex said. Christina held two fingers close together. "Short word."

"At!"

"A!"

"The!"

Christina nodded. She held up two fingers. "Second word," Izzie said, leaning forward in her seat. Christina held her hands together and then opened them like a book.

"Book!" Burke called. Christina pointed to him, nodding, but motioned for him to elaborate. "Uh," he stammered. "Novel? Fiction? Poem? Hardcover? Paperback?" Meredith leaned toward him and whispered something into his ear. He nodded and smiled. Christina frantically made the same motion over and over.

"Oh my God, Izzie!" Meredith suddenly called over. Izzie looked at her. "Come over here!" Meredith said. "It's moving!"

Izzie squealed and leaped up from her seat, running over to where Meredith. She put her hand on her stomach. "Oh my God!" she said. "That's amazing, Meredith." Meredith smiled. By this point Lexie, George, Alex, and even Burke had gathered around. George and Derek both had their hands next to Izzie's.

"You guys!" Christina said, exasperatedly. No one answered. Meredith peered over everyone at Christina.

"Oh come on, Christina," she said.

Christina narrowed her eyes at Meredith, but made her way over. She put her hand on her stomach and waited. Meredith felt it move again and looked up to see Christina's reaction. She was grinned. Meredith raised her eyebrows at her, as if to say, "I told you so." Christina gave her a look, but kept her hand in place.

"It's so cute," Izzie was saying. "It's like a little flutter." Everyone laughed.

"So much for charades," Burke said. "But I have to say, this is a much better show." Everyone smiled. Derek kissed Meredith softly. Christina moved closer to Burke who wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "What was the book anyway?"

Christina smiled slightly. "The Notebook."


	40. We're Here Now

"I want to take you out," Alex told Izzie as they were lying in bed one morning.

"You mean like a date?" Izzie said.

He laughed. "Yeah, like a real live date." She smiled as he leaned down and kissed her softly.

"I'd like that," Izzie said thoughtfully. "We've never really done that."

Alex grinned. "I know," he said, trailing kisses down her neck. "We skipped to the fun part."

Izzie pushed him away playfully. "You're such a dirty boy."

Alex lay on his side and propped his head in his hand. He stared down at her. "I love you, you know."

"I know," Izzie said, reaching up and pulling him down for a kiss. "And I love you too."

He smiled and kissed her again before wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "So when are we going?" Izzie said, closing her eyes and sighing softly.

"Is tonight good?" Alex asked, running his hands through her hair. "Around seven?"

"Yeah," Izzie replied. "My shift ends at six so that leaves me enough time to look hot."

Alex kissed her hair. "Hmmm," he said thoughtfully. "I have a feeling this is going to be a good date."

xxx

"Hello?" Lexie said into the phone. "Hello? Is anyone there?" She pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at it. She put it back to her ear. "Hello?"

"This was a stupid idea," someone muttered in the other end before hanging up. Lexie frowned. She could've sworn that voice had been the voice of George. She dialed Meredith's number. Sure enough, George picked up.

"Hello?" he said. He sounded flustered.

"Hi," Lexie said. She let out a breath. "Am I crazy or did you just call me?"

George was quiet on the other end. He sighed. It was an embarrassed sigh. "No, you're definitely not crazy..."

"So you did call here?"

"Yes."

"Why?" Lexie didn't want to sound rude, but she couldn't help asking

George was silent again. Lexie looked at her hands. "Do you want to go out with me?" he said suddenly. "I mean, not a date, but sort of...or a date maybe...drinks maybe? Or you know...just coffee...coffee is good..."

Lexie smiled as he ranted for a could twenty more seconds about coffee. "George," she finally said, though she was enjoying his rambling. "I'd love to."

xxx

"Can you afford this?" Izzie said in awe as they walked into the restaurant. She had known it was expensive right away when a man came up to her, took her coat and commented on how "ravishing" she looked. Fancy restaurants always seemed to have people who worked there for the sole purpose of complimenting the customers. As if they felt bad about charging you so much.

Alex looked at her in a beautiful black cocktail dress and smiled. "For you I can," he told her.

She smiled. "Well keep it up and you might get lucky."

He leaned in and kissed her softly. When he pulled back, she was smirking at him. "Sorry," he said with a shrug. "Just skipping to the fun part."

She eyed him mischievously. "Uh-huh."

The host led them to their table. It was in the corner, away from all the chaos. Alex pulled Izzie's chair out for her. She smiled. "Why thank you, sir."

"You're welcome, madam." He grinned and sat down. He lifted the menu, opened it an eyed the choices.

"Holy crap," Izzie suddenly said. Alex looked up at her. "There's frickin escargot for forty frickin dollars."

Alex laughed. "You should get it."

Izzie made a face. "There is no way i'm eating snails."

Alex shrugged. "I bet it tastes like chicken."

Izzie smirked. "Everything tastes like chicken in theory."

"In theory?" Alex said, amused.

Izzie put her menu down. "That's how they get you. They put all these fancy french words down, tell you it tastes like chicken, and then the next thing you know, you're eating cow uterus."

Alex flinched. "Cow uterus?"

Izzie looked at him. "It happened to me in China once."

"Scarring."

"It really was."

xxx

"Do you ever think about doc?" Meredith asked Derek as they sat in the living room that night.

He looked over at her and nodded. "Yeah...sometimes."

She frowned slightly. "That night when we put him down..." she shook her head slightly. "That was probably the most emotionally loaded night of my life."

"What do you mean?" he asked her softly.

She turned her head towards and smiled, before looking away again. "That whole year that you were with Addison...It was so hard...because I..."

Derek moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close. "You can tell me," he said softly.

She knew she could. But it was still hard. "I spent that whole year trying to fall out of love with you. But I couldn't. And I was mad at you, because..." She finally looked at him. His eyes looked pained. Pained that he had hurt her. "I felt like you wouldn't let me fall out of love with you. Every look that you gave me, every time your eyes lingered on me...it made me love you even more." She smiled at him slightly. "It wasn't until that night at prom when I realized I didn't want to fall out of love with you."

She let out a breath. She was glad she had told him, because that was her story. That was part he wasn't there for. "I never stopped loving you," he told her softly. "That whole year, I longed and ached for you. I missed you so much," he said. His voice shook.

She looked up at him, feeling tears in her own eyes. "Derek..." she said softly.

"I'm so sorry I hurt you," he said. "I'm so sorry."

"Derek..." she said again. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, because we're here now."

He smiled at her and brought a hand to her stomach. "Yes we are." He leaned in and kissed her softly. "And you know what else?"

"What?" she asked.

"I love you so much."

She closed her eyes and leaned into him, feeling the comfort and warmth of his body. "I love you."

He reached up and stroked her hair softly, holding her gently. "What made you think about Doc and that night?"

"I don't know," she said softly. "Just thinking, I guess."

He smiled and kissed her on the top of the head. "Wanna go to bed?" he asked softly. She nodded into his chest. Since she got pregnant, she had gotten very good at sleeping. He chuckled softly and scooped her up in his arms.

"Don't hurt yourself," she said sleepily.

"How could I hurt myself?" he asked as he walked up the steps. "You weigh like three pounds."

"Mmmm, not for long," she said.

He laughed. "Oh you be quiet," he told her. "You're barely showing."

She smiled and pressed her face into his chest as he walked into their bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and pulled the covers up around her. Then he climbed in himself and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. They lay in silence for a while. Derek thought she had fallen asleep until he heard her take in a quick breath. She picked up his hand and moved it to her stomach. He pulled her closer, smiling to himself as he felt their baby move.

"Goodnight," he said quietly.

"Goodnight."

xxx

"Do you wanna dance?" Alex asked when they had finished their dinner. Izzie looked at him skeptically.

"You can dance?" she asked.

He tried to look offended. "Yes."

She smiled. "Okay. I'd love to."

They both stood up and Alex led her out onto the floor, before pulling her close. One of his hands rested on her waist and with the other, he held her hand on his chest. She rested her head on his shoulder and let out a breath. "I could fall asleep right here," she said softly.

He laughed. "Am I that boring?"

"No I'm just that tired."

He kissed her hair. "Want to head home." She nodded. "Okay, let's go."

xxx

George walked into the Starbucks half expecting that she wouldn't show up. He still couldn't believe he had asked her out. He seemed to be drawn to Grey women. He stood in the doorway and looked around the crowded room. No Lexie. Yet. He would be optimistic.

He took a seat by the window and looked out the window forlornly, already feeling sorry for himself that he was stood up. But then she appeared. She had shown up. _Score, _he thought to himself, but then shook it off. He couldn't think about sleeping with her yet. He couldn't think about anything that would make him think about sleeping with her. His last experience with a Grey had been was too disastrously torturous.

She spotted him across the room and waved. He waved back. _Calm down, _he told himself. He thought that there was a very good chance that he was going to hyperventilate. _Oh God, stop sweating. It's disgusting. _

"Hi, Lexie," he said. _Breathe. _"Nice to see you." _Breathe._

"I'm glad you called," she told him and for a second he could the see sadness in her eyes. "I needed to get out of the house."

He smiled. _Say something nice. _ "I'm glad I called too." _Aint half bad. _"How are you holding up?" _Man, I am on a role._

She smiled faintly. "Well," she said, glancing out the window. "If I don't think about it, I'm fine."

He nodded. _Be understanding. _"I know this isn't at all like what you're going through…" _That was good. Make her feel strong. She could use that right now. Not that she needs a loser like me to make her feel better. God, I'm pathetic. _"But when I was like fifteen, I lost my grandmother. I think I trained myself not to think about her." He laughed softly. "I didn't even think about things that might in some way remind me of her."

She smiled. _Hey, I made her smile. That's a good sign isn't it? _She leaned forward slightly. "Probably isn't too healthy is it?"

He smiled back. "Probably not." _Hey, I'm not sweating anymore. Score! Shit. _


	41. How Lucky She Is

**Hey guys!!! Just checking in. This chapter is a little shorter, but it has a lot of MerDer/AlexIzzie fluff. Hope you like it! And thank you for everyone's wonderful comments, they definitely keep me going. **

Meredith came out of the bathroom holding a pair of jeans and scowling. "I'm pregnant," she said.

Derek looked up at her from the bed and smirked. "Really?" he asked incredulously.

She huffed at him. "I don't fit into my favorite pair of jeans anymore. I'm fat."

He smiled at her, his eyes twinkling. "You're not fat." He sat up. "You got our little baby growing in there. There's nothing more beautiful."

She smiled at him, her eyes misty. She walked across the room and climbed back into the bed, allowing Derek to wrap her up in his arms and stroke her stomach softly. She sighed. "It's going to be a long time until I can wear these jeans again."

He laughed and kissed her neck softly. "I hear maternity clothes are very in right now."

"Oh yeah," she said. "Very stylish."

He gave her a quick kiss on the lips and moved down her body, pressing his cheek into her stomach. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Are you making mommy fat?" he asked her stomach.

Meredith hit him playfully. "I thought you said I wasn't fat. You liar."

He lifted his head and grinned at her. "You're not."

"Hypocrite."

He shrugged and moved back up her body, kissing her deeply on the lips. She smiled against his lips, turning her body towards him and moving closer to him. He pulled her on top of him and reached up, brushing the hair out of her face. "Gorgeous," he breathed, staring into her eyes.

xxx

Alex woke up and glanced down at Izzie who was currently still sleeping peacefully on his chest. He smiled and reached up, brushing the hair out of her face. She opened her eyes and looked up at him sleepily. "Morning," she said.

"Morning," he replied, leaning forward and kissing her softly on the lips.

"Last night was fun," she said.

He grinned. "Yeah, it was."

She leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He wrapped his arms around her and trailed kisses down her neck. "This is fun too," he said. It was muffled in her earlobe. She laughed.

"Dirty boy." But she didn't object as he reached down for the hem of her shirt, lifted it over her head and pulled her close.

xxx

Later that day, Derek was looking for Meredith for lunch when he ran into Burke. "Dr. Burke," he greeted him amiably.

"Dr. Shepherd."

"Have you seen Meredith anywhere?" Derek asked.

Burke shook his head. Derek's face visibly fell and Burke smiled knowingly at him. "So how's married life treating you?"

Derek smiled, his eyes far off. "Married life is..." he looked back at Burke. "Perfect." Burke smiled and shook his head. Suddenly, Derek spotted Meredith at a nearby nurse's station, her head bowed over a chart. He felt his heart rate quicken just looking at her. In scrubs, her baby bump was visible and her hand rested on it gently.

Burke looked at Derek and shook his head. He had never seen him like this with Addison. He was gone. "I'll see you later Dr. Shepherd," he said with a smirk. Derek didn't hear him.

Suddenly, Meredith looked up and caught him staring. But he didn't look away. He smiled slightly and walked over to her. "Hi," he said, his voice soft. She turned towards him, completely forgetting about the chart, which held her attention only moments before.

"Hi," she said. He lowered his head towards her and kissed her softly. "Derek," she said."We're in the middle of the hallway."

He smiled ruefully and wrapped his arms around her. She placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him. "But why can't everyone know how much I love you?"

She smiled. "They can," she said. "But if Bailey caught me making out with you in the hallway she would freak out."

"So?"

Meredith smiled as he kissed her again. _Well, maybe just for a second,_ she thought to herself as he pulled her close. _I mean, really who is going to find--_

"Dr. Grey!"

Meredith jumped at the sound of Bailey's voice. "Yes?" she said, her face turning several shades of red.

"Where are those lab results I asked for?"

Meredith grabbed the chart. "Right here."

Bailey glared at her for a few more seconds. "Alright. Let's go." She turned on her heel and began to walk away.

Meredith hit Derek's arm. "See what you did?" she asked, trying not to grin. He smiled and shrugged slightly. She narrowed her eyes at him before running after Bailey.

As soon as she left, Burke came up next to Derek. "Dr. Shepherd, I need you on a consult."

Derek who had been watching Meredith walk away turned to Burke. "Right, okay." He glanced up at Burke who was giving him a look. "What?"

"You have lipstick all over your face."

xxx

Meredith walked into her patient's room. "Hi," she said cheerfully. "I'm just going to check on a few things," she told the patient, Kate.

Kate looked up from the book she had been reading and practically burst out laughing when she saw Meredith's face. Meredith looked over at her, slightly startled. "What is it?"

Kate motioned to her face. "You're lipstick is seriously smudged."

Meredith blushed and wiped it off hastily. "Is it gone?"

Kate nodded, amused. "Lusty affair with hot doctor?"

Meredith smiled and shook her head. "Nope. Married."

Kate raised her eyebrows. "God, I wish I still kissed my husband like that."

Meredith laughed. "I guess I'm lucky." She flipped open the chart and studied something on it. As she read, she absentmindedly rubbed her stomach.

"When are you due?" Kate asked.

Meredith glanced up from the chart. "Uh, September."

"Congratulations." Kate was silent for a second and leaned back against her pillows. "I was never able to have kids," she said softly. "And now I'm stuck at the age of forty with no kids and a husband who can't seem to love me anymore."

Meredith looked at Kate. She was sad, sure, but there was something else in her eyes that struck Meredith. It was hopelessness. This woman was tired. She had given up. Life wasn't what she had expected and it had left her broken.

Meredith thought of Derek. She thought of her baby. She thought of her friends. The job that she loved. How lucky she was.


	42. Listen

Derek was just getting out of a surgery when a woman approached him in the hall. The corners of his mouth turned up mechanically, as he plastered his McDreamy smile onto his face. She smiled and, after a beat, extended her hand. He took it. "I'm Monica Brown," she told him.

"Hi," he said, though he was slightly confused. He paused. "Can I help you with anything?"

She smiled again. It was fake. It was slightly annoying to him. "I'm sorry," she said, shifting her weight in her tall stiletto heels. "I'm a headhunter from a hospital in San Diego."

"Oh," he said. "Well, it's nice to meet you..."

"I hear you're the best neuro surgeon on the east coast."

He tried not to smile. "Where did you hear that?"

"So it's not true?"

"I never said that," he said. "Just trying to be modest."

She nodded indulgently. "Well, don't be. Because I'm prepared to make you a very good offer." She paused and looked him straight in the eye. "Chief of Surgery."

Derek's breath caught in his throat when he heard her say: Chief of Surgery. But almost immediately he thought of Meredith. "So, let me get this straight," Derek said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his lab coat. "You're a headhunter from San Diego and you've chosen me as your next victim?"

"Don't take the term 'headhunter' so literally, Dr. Shepherd," she said with a smirk. It occurred to Derek that she was flirting with him. He was suddenly overcome with an impulse to bring up the fact that he was married in the conversation. Immediately. He did not want this woman with artificially whitened teeth and perfume that smelled like burnt pumpkin pie to be flirting with him.

"Listen," he said as pleasantly as he could, "I can't leave this job. I've got a wife, a baby on the way."

To Derek's satisfaction, the woman took a step back, though she remained smiling. "Well," she said, reaching into her purse. "If you change your mind..." She pulled a business card out of her purse and handed it to him. "Give me a call."

As she walked away, Derek studied the card, turning it over in his hands. Then he put it in his pocket and continued down the hall.

xxx

George couldn't stop thinking about Lexie. He kind of liked it. He called the day after they had coffee.

"Lexie?" he said when she answered the phone.

"Hey, George," she said. He could hear the smile in her voice.

"I'm just calling, because..." He paused. "Because I wanted to."

She laughed. "I'm glad you called."

"You are?" George asked. Was it pathetic that he was surprised?

"I am."

He smiled. "So," he said tentatively, "how are you?"

xxx

Meredith was walking down the hall when she overheard Burke and Derek talking around the corner.

"Chief of surgery?" Burke was saying. "Are you serious? She offered you chief of surgery in San Diego?"

"I know," Derek said. "It's crazy..."

Meredith stopped in her tracks. Chief of surgery? San Diego? When did this happen? Was he planning on telling her?

"Well, congratulations, Shep," Burke said. "You deserve it."

Meredith leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. He was offered chief of surgery across the country and hadn't told her? She felt anger rise up in her throat, but also sadness. She thought they told each other everything. She though that finally, finally she could trust him.

xxx

Meredith walked into the house and immediately went upstairs into her bedroom. She lay down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, her throat tight. She lay there for a long time. Gradually, her window darkened and it was night. She heard footsteps coming up the stairs and down the hall. The footsteps stopped outside the door.

"You left without me," Derek said. "I thought we were going to go home together." Meredith sat up on the bed and looked at him, her eyes watery. He took a step towards her. "What's wrong?"

She looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He frowned. "Tell you what?

"Chief of surgery. San Diego." She pulled her knees to her chest and looked away from him.

"Mer," he told her softly. "I was going to tell you."

She looked back at him. "When?" She stood up. "This is huge, Derek."

"I know it is," he said. "I was going to tell you. I was. I only found out this morning."

She was silent for a moment. She looked him straight in the eye, her arms crossed over her chest. "Are you going to take it?"

He smiled slightly. "No."

Her arms dropped to her side. "You aren't?" He took a step towards her. She took a step back. She felt like she might cry if he held her. "Why not?"

"How could I?" he said. "My whole life is here." He smiled. "With you." He walked across the room towards her. She didn't really mind crying now. She let him wrap his arms around her and pull her close. He pressed his face into her hair. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

She nodded into his shirt, tears flowing down her cheeks. "Okay," she managed. But her heart still ached. Being chief of surgery was his dream. How could she not feel like, because of her, his dreams were slipping away?

xxx

Meredith woke up earlier than usual. She thought about San Diego. She tried to picture herself living there. She couldn't. She loved Seattle. She loved the ferry boats. Joe's bar. She even loved the fact that it rained every other day. _I guess I still am dark and twisty at heart, _she mused.

She glanced down at Derek's hand resting on her stomach. She placed her own hand over his. She loved Derek more than San Diego. She turned in his arms and pressed her lips to his jaw. He opened his eyes and smiled, before kissing her gently on the lips. He held her close. "Morning," he said.

"Morning," she said, resting her head on his chest. "Hey Derek?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"I feel...I don't know..." She looked up at him. "Guilty, maybe."

He rubbed her back gently. "Why's that?" he asked softly.

"Being chief of surgery is your dream," she said slowly. "I feel like I'm keeping you from that dream." She pulled herself closer to him. She felt the tears perched just behind her eyelids. She didn't know which way they were going to go.

He was quiet for a moment. She was scared to look at his face. "Being chief of surgery does mean a lot to me," he finally said. "But you mean so much more." He pulled away from her and placed his hand on her stomach, a smile spreading across his face. "You and our baby." He continued to move his hand across her stomach slowly. "If I had to choose between you and a job. I choose you."

She looked up at him, her tears falling freely. He reached out and gently wiped them away with his thumb. "What if you didn't have to choose?" she whispered. He looked up at her, studying her face. "What if I said I would move to San Diego for you."

He studied her carefully. He looked into her beautiful green and eyes and realized that she meant it. She would leave the place and the people that she loved for him. He leaned down and kissed her deeply. "I love you so much," he said. "But I would never ask you to leave this place."

She smiled through her tears and kissed him again, tenderly, hungrily. "I love you too," she said as he wrapped his arms around her.

xxx

"Dr. Shepherd," the chief called down the hallway. "Can I have a word?"

Derek smiled and nodded, following the chief into his office. "Should I be worried," Derek said jokingly. Dr. Webber laughed.

"I don't think so." He folded his hands. "Should I be?"

Derek furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"I heard you were offered a job in San Diego," the chief said knowingly. "As chief of surgery."

Derek smiled. "I was."

The chief sat back in his chair. He eyed him. "Well," he said finally. He leaned forward. He shifted in his seat. "That's a very generous offer."

Derek folded his arms across his chest. He considered how long he should wait to tell the chief he wasn't even thinking about taking the offer. "It is," he said simply.

The chief reached up and took off his glasses. "Are you going to take it?"

Derek shrugged. "I haven't really thought about it."

The chief looked worried. Derek liked that. "Is Meredith willing to move out to San Diego?"

Derek smiled. "She is." Technically, that wasn't really a lie.

"Well," the chief said. "Perhaps I should reiterate the benefits for you," he looked Derek straight in the eye, "if you should stay." Derek waited. "When I retire, I am strongly considering you for my replacement."

"Strongly considering?" Derek asked slowly.

"Strongly, strongly considering."

Derek was silent. He glanced outside. The chief was shifted in his seat. Suddenly, Derek let out a chuckle. "Don't worry, Richard," he said with a smile. "I would never leave this place."

Dr. Webber wore look of someone who was extremely surprised, extremely relieved and slightly annoyed. "You could of told me that."

"I did," Derek said.

The chief stood up and let out an appreciative chuckle. "Yes, you did." He sized up Derek out of the corner of his eye. "Well played, Shep."

Derek smiled and stood up. "Thank you, chief." He let out a breath. "Is that all?"

The chief stood as well. "Yes, it is."


	43. I Miss You

"You don't have to go," Meredith said.

Derek smiled and pulled her closer to him as they lay in bed. "It's a conference for brain surgeons. I'm a brain surgeon."

"So?" Meredith said.

He kissed her forehead and let out a chuckle. "It's only a week. You won't even miss me."

She tried her hardest to look tragic and pathetic. "Wanna bet?" she said. He laughed. "Are you mocking my pain?" she asked.

"Yes, yes I am," he told her.

"You're mean," she said, turning away from him.

"Oh come on," he laughed, wrapping his arm around her waist. She still wouldn't look at him. "I'm sorry." He leaned forward and kissed her neck. She closed her eyes, letting out a sigh, before turning towards him.

"Evil man," she said, leaning into him as he lavished kisses across her stomach and upwards. "I can't be mad at you when you do that."

He grinned and pulled her on top of him. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I will miss you," she said.

He smiled and reached up, wiping the hair out of her face. "I'll miss you."

xxx

Meredith went with Derek to the airport. As they reached his gate, Meredith felt tears spring to her eyes. She felt ridiculous. It was only a week. He pulled her close and she rested her head on his chest. "I can't believe I'm crying," she said, reaching up and wiping the tears off her cheeks.

"No, it's nice," Derek said. "It makes me feel special."

Meredith laughed. "Don't flatter yourself. It's just hormones."

Derek pulled back and kissed her forehead. "That's what you say."

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly. "Well it's true." She took a step back. "I won't miss you at all."

He crossed his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes slightly, eyeing her carefully. "I don't believe you," he said finally. "I think you're going to go home and cry until I come home."

"Ha," she said. "You're funny."

He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I am aren't I?'

"You can hope for one glistening tear at best," she told him.

"Really? That's it?" he asked, lowering his face closer to hers.

"That's it," she said. He kissed her gently. "Okay," she said softly. "Maybe two glistening tears." He smiled and kissed her again. After a while, he pulled back.

"I have to go," he said.

"No," she said.

He chuckled. "I thought you weren't going to miss me."

"I'm not," she said, but she didn't move away. "I am a strong independent woman. I don't need no man."

"Mmmm," he said. "I see."

"Okay," she said. "You should go."

He smiled at her. "I'll miss you," he told her sincerely.

"Yeah," she said. "I will too."

He looked for another moment and then with one last smile, he turned away and disappeared into the crowd. She smiled to herself before walking outside toward her car.

xxx

Meredith walked into the hospital and headed towards the locker room. She walked inside and sat down next to Christina on the bench. "I just dropped Derek off at the airport," she said.

Christina glanced at her. "Oh God, you're pathetic."

Meredith glared at her. "I didn't even say anything."

"I can see it in your face," Christina said, pulling on her scrub top. "You're all sad and lost without the McDreamy love."

Meredith laughed. "Hey it's not the worst thing to love your husband."

Christina scoffed. "I dropped Burke off at the airport last night and I'm not falling apart."

"So you're just hiding your pain and sadness away in a dark and twisty place." Meredith smirked. "That's healthy."

"You used to be the queen of dark and twisty," Christina said sadly. "What happened to you?"

Meredith smiled. "Pregnancy has made me all warm and fuzzy."

"I'll say," Christina said.

"Why did Burke have to go to the airport anyway?" Meredith asked.

"He had a conference."

Meredith nodded. Just then, Bailey walked into the locker room. "All right," she said. "Let's go. Rounds."

Meredith and Christina got up and followed Bailey down the hall. They walked into the first patient's room. "Good morning, Mr. Adams," Bailey said.

"Hey, Dr. Bailey," he said, but his eyes seemed to be glued to the TV. "Hey, did you hear about this?" he asked pointing to the screen. "A plane headed to Atlanta went down about an hour ago."

Meredith suddenly felt dread seep through her. _Derek's conference is in Atlanta. _The thought came quickly and left her empty.Her heart ached.

"They haven't found any survivors," Mr. Adams was saying. Bailey nodded slightly and picked up his chart. "Poor souls," he mumbled softly.

Meredith couldn't move. She felt like she might faint. She grabbed the doorframe for support as Christina and Izzie turned to her in alarm. "Meredith?" Christina said. "What's wrong?"

Alex moved behind her quickly and held her up. "Meredith?" Christina's voice was distant. _Derek…_

xxx

Meredith woke up in a hospital bed. She opened her eyes and looked around the room. George, Izzie, Christina and even Alex were all sitting in chairs, sound asleep. Izzie was the first to open her eyes. She got up and walked over to Meredith. "Hi," Izzie said softly.

"Is there…Is there any news?" Meredith asked, her throat tight.

Izzie looked confused. "What do you mean?"

Meredith realized she didn't know. A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. She reached up and wiped it away. "Oh, Mer," Izzie said. "What's wrong?"

"It was Derek's…Derek's flight…"

Understanding flickered across Izzie's face and she moved closer to Meredith bed. "The one that crashed?" she asked softly, although she knew the answer. Meredith nodded wordlessly, her body shaking with tears. Izzie closed the gap between them, hugging her friend.

After a while, Meredith pulled back and placed her hands on her stomach. 'Is everything okay? I mean, is my baby okay?"

Izzie smiled. "It's okay."

"You guys okay?" It was Alex's voice.

Izzie looked up at Alex. "Yeah."

Alex stood up and rubbed his eyes. He crossed the room and nudged both Christina and George who woke up. "What's wrong?" Alex said.

Izzie pulled away from Meredith who lay back down, wiping her eyes. "It was Derek's plan," Izzie said.

"The one that crashed?" George asked, suddenly quite awake. Izzie nodded. Christina got up and went over to Meredith.

"I'm so sorry, Mer," Christina said. Meredith offered a weak smile.

"Do you want us to go?" Izzie asked. "Do you want to get some sleep?"

Meredith glanced at her hands. "Could you guys, maybe, stay?"

They all smiled. "Of course," Izzie answered.

xxx

Meredith fell asleep sometime in the night. Her friends hadn't left her. Bailey hadn't questioned their request, letting them stay with Meredith. A nurse walked into her room in the early morning and flicked on the light apologetically. Meredith opened her eyes and squinted at her. "There's a phone call for you," the nurse said.

Meredith still wasn't fully awake. "Who is it?" she asked slowly.

"Dr. Shepherd," the nurse replied. Meredith got out of bed quickly and walked outside to the nurse's station. She picked up the phone and pressed it to her ear. "Derek?" Meredith said.

"Meredith." Meredith felt tears come to her eyes at the sound of his voice. "I called as soon as I could."

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" Meredith asked breathlessly.

"No, I'm fine," Derek told her quickly. "I switched my flight. To a slightly earlier one."

Meredith let out a breath. "You're okay," she said, her voice wobbly. "You're okay."

Hearing the pain in her voice made Derek ache to hold her, to comfort her. "Meredith…" he said softly.

Meredith didn't say anything for a while as tears streamed down her face. He waited on the other end patiently, saying comforting things. After a while, she brought herself to speak again if only so she didn't sound spooky. "I was so scared."

"I know," he said. "But I'm fine." He paused. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," she said softly.


	44. Love You Best

Derek arrived at the first meeting of the conference exhausted. He hadn't slept much the night before. He had gotten used to sleeping with Meredith beside him. He loved holding her, and stroking her stomach and falling asleep, their bodies intertwined, the faint smell of lavender lingering in the air.

His hotel room smelled like cigarettes and cheap perfume.

He walked into the conference room, rubbing his eyes and trying without success to stifle a yawn. Neurosurgeons swarmed around him. Name tags plastered to their shirts, smiles plastered to their faces. Suddenly, a woman popped up in front of him. He noticed a smudge of lipstick on her tooth as she smiled. "Hi, I'm Sarah," she said. "I'm from Tulsa and I'm a brain surgeon." She let out a high-pitched laugh. "Obviously," she said. "Why else would I be here?" She obviously found her joke hysterically funny, because she let out that laugh again. Derek winced. He didn't think she noticed.

"I'm Derek," he said, extending his hand. "From Seattle."

"Well hello 'Derek from Seattle'," Sarah said, laughing. "You know, I used to know someone from Seattle. Yeah, we went to college together. Oh God, she was a card. So funny. Anything she said, oh I would just laugh and laugh. You wouldn't happen to know Liz Michaelson would you? That was here name."

"No, I--" Derek began, but was almost immediately cut off.

"Well of course you wouldn't. Oh God, that was almost what--ten years ago I suppose." Laugh. "Whoops! I guess I gave my age away! Don't tell anybody." Laugh. "So, isn't this nice? I love talking to fellow brain surgeons like yourself."

"Yeah, I--" Derek wondered if he should just give up. Sarah clearly didn't need help keeping the conversation going.

"You know, I've been looking forward to this little 'gathering', I guess you could say, for weeks now. You know what is so interesting?" Derek didn't even attempt to answer. "The part when they talk about the new 'innovative surgeries'." Derek realized with dismay that Sarah was one of those people who did air quotes with her fingers. "I just love that part. Like those new 'virtual surgeries'." _Oh God, _Derek thought. _Please, make it stop. _"I mean pretty soon, we surgeons won't even have to cut the patient open." She laughed, quite loud this time. "What a thought, huh?"

Derek slowly let his mind wander. Back to Meredith, naturally. He had felt almost guilty when he'd heard her voice on the other end of the phone that morning. She had thought she'd lost him. Again. He hated that she had to go through that again. He hoped she was okay now. He had called her earlier and she'd sounded fine. _I hope she's okay..._

"Are you okay?" Derek was jerked back to reality by Sarah's voice.

"What?" he said.

"You seem distant," she said. "I was like, 'Woah there, Derek! Come back from Mars!" Derek felt the urge to cover his ears as she laughed again.

"I'm fine," Derek said simply.

Sarah, obviously had bee hoping for more of an explanation. "Oh, well," she said. "Anyway, as I was saying, if it weren't for McDonalds, heart surgeon's wouldn't spend half the time in the OR they do now. I mean all that fat! It's just so disgusting to even think--"

Just then, Derek's phone went off. He felt like praising God, even though he hadn't gone to church in about 25 years. "I'm sorry," he told Sarah, even though he wasn't. "I have to take this."

"Oh no, go right ahead," Sarah said with a smile.

"Hello?" Derek said, pressing the phone to his ear.

"Derek?" It was Meredith.

Derek let out a breath. "Oh thank God!" he said. "Do you know how much I love you right now?"

Meredith laughed on the other end. "What's going on over there?"

"I met a woman," Derek said.

"Should I be worried?" Meredith said, amusement in her voice.

"Oh God no," Derek said quickly. "I can't even stand talking to this woman for five minutes. You saved me," he told her sincerely.

She laughed again. I nice, normal, lovely laugh. "Glad to be of service," she said.

"How are you?" Derek asked.

Meredith was quiet for a moment. "I'm fine," she said. It was true, but she missed him.

"I miss you," he told her.

"I miss you too," she said, her voice soft.

"I can't wait to see you," Derek said.

"Same here." They were both quiet for a moment. "Okay, I have rounds, but call me later okay?"

"Definitely," he said.

"Don't fall in love with any hot brain surgeons," she said, her tone lighter.

"Yeah you don't have to worry, most of them are ugly, middle-aged guys," he said.

"Oh good," she said. "Finally, you have some company."

He tried to be offended. "What a mean thing to say."

"Don't worry," she told him, a certain amount of mischief in her voice. "I'll make it up to you."

Derek was intrigued. "How?"

"Well," she said. "When you get back, you can look forward to a little treat."

Derek smiled. "Welcome home sex? I hear it's the best kind right behind make up sex."

Meredith giggled. "Well, maybe we should get into a fight and test that theory."

"Looking forward to that."

After Derek hung up, he turned around and scanned the room. Sarah was no where in sight. He let out a breath and began to move towards a table where they were offering coffee. He picked up a cup and filled it up then raised it to his lips, taking a slow drink.

"Hi there!" Derek practically spilled his coffee down the front of his shirt.

"Sarah," he said. "Hi."

"Fancy meeting you here!" Sarah said like it was the funniest thing in the world. "So you spent a long time on the phone!"

Derek smiled. "It was my wife."

Sarah looked disappointed. "Oh," she said, her voice dropping. She was quiet. Derek felt bad. "Lucky woman!" Sarah suddenly exclaimed, snapping out of it.

"Thank you," Derek said.

Sarah smiled. It was the first genuine smile he had seen from her. With the knowledge that he was married, she seemed to visibly relax. _Was she flirting? _Derek thought. _Oh God. _She made flirting much more difficult than it had to be. "How long have you been married?" Sarah asked.

"A little over a month," Derek said. "We're actually expecting a baby soon."

Sarah's face seemed to light up. "Really? Oh, I always wanted to have kids. Just never got around to it."

Derek nodded. _Finally, a normal conversation. _"I'm sure you'd be a great mom," Derek said. He actually had no idea if she would be, but it seemed the nice thing to say. Suddenly, Derek remembered something. He reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet and opened it, rifling through the various receipts and bills until he found what he was looking for. He pulled out a sonogram picture and showed it to Sarah.

"Oh, when was this taken?" Sarah said.

"About a week ago," Derek said. "There's the baby." When Addison had handed Derek and Meredith the little photo, both Meredith and Derek were surprised. The baby actually looked like, well, a baby finally. For the first few check ups, Addison had shown them both what looked more like a peanut than a person.

"She's beautiful," Sarah said. "Or he?"

"We don't know," Derek explained. "We want it to be a surprise."

"Well," Sarah said, handing the photo back to Derek, who tucked it carefully back into his wallet. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Derek said. With that, Sarah waved slightly and moved back into the crowd. Derek was puzzled by her. Didn't she know that meeting people didn't have to be that hard? Derek smiled. He had found the one person in the world that he loved best. The one person that made him feel whole. Maybe not everyone did.

xxx

When Meredith saw Derek, she ran towards him and jumped into his arms. He pretended to stagger. He took a few giant steps back, laughing. "Did you miss me?"

Meredith smiled up at him. "Not at all," she said.

He wrapped his arms around her and smiled. "Liar."

"Fine," she said with a laugh. "You caught me."

He held her closer and lowered his lips toward hers. "Now I would very much like to discuss that welcome home sex you mentioned."

"Really?" she said, leaning towards him. "I'd like that to."

And so, while people streamed past them, he kissed her and thought that maybe he'd like to stay like this forever.


	45. All These Things

Meredith and Derek walked into the house quickly. Derek threw his bags on the floor and immediately grabbed Meredith, kissing her deep and full on the lips. She smiled against his lips, pressing her body against his, slowly melting away from reality. Derek wrapped his arms around her and began to move his lips from her mouth to her chin to her neck. Then Alex walked out of the kitchen.

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd," he said with a smirk, more amused than embarrassed to interrupt their reunion.

Derek straightened his shirt unsuccessfully. "Hey, Alex," he said.

"So what are you two up to?" he asked.

Derek glanced at Meredith. Meredith glanced at Alex. "Welcome home sex," she said. Derek almost fell over.

Alex nodded and took a sip of the beer he was holding. "Well," he said, walking past them into the living room. "Have fun."

Derek narrowed his eyes at Meredith. She shrugged and leaned over, pressing her lips to his again. He immediately responded and began to push her backwards towards the stairs. When they reached the bottom, he picked her up in his arms and carried her into their bedroom.

He dropped her onto the bed and lowered himself onto her, capturing her lips again. She groaned a very quiet groan as he reached his hands under her shirt and lifted it upwards. He pulled away slightly and moved his hand over her stomach lovingly. She smiled up at him. "You should go away more often," she said quietly. He reached up and brushed the hair out of her face before kissing her softly.

"I'd miss you too much," he said.

xxx

"I love welcome home sex," Derek said. Meredith laughed beside him.

She sighed, catching her breath. "Me too," she said.

He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into him, kissing her forehead softy. "Now we just need to get into a fight so we can have some break up sex," he said.

xxx

Meredith walked out into the hall the next morning to find Izzie dragging a dresser down the hall. "Hey, Iz," Meredith said, standing in the doorway. "Watcha doing?"

Izzie looked up and smiled, pulling the dresser another inch or so. "Moving a dresser."

"I see that," Meredith said. "Why?"

"I asked Alex to move in," Izzie said. "But since he already lives here, all that really means is that his clothes will be in my room instead of his room." She paused in her struggle with the dresser to wipe the hair out of her eyes. She glanced up at Meredith, stationed nonchalantly in the doorway. She scowled. "Want to help?"

Meredith eyed the dresser. It looked heavy. "No," she said finally.

"You suck," Izzie told her. Meredith smiled and walked over to the dresser. She gave it a shove. It was, in fact, very heavy.

xxx

"I love your sister," George said, walking into the locker room and sitting down next to Meredith. Meredith looked at him with a slightly bemused expression.

"Really?" George nodded. "I'm happy for you, George."

"Oh yeah, you look ecstatic."

"I'm also very tired," Meredith said.

"I'm not surprised," Alex said, appearing beside George. "All that welcome home sex."

"Shut up," Meredith said.

"You could at least pad your head board, Mer," Izzie added.

"Shut up," Meredith said again.

"What's up?" Christina said, walking into the locker room.

"George is in love," Meredith said, changing the subject.

Christina smiled and raised her eyebrows. "Bambi is smitten? Who's the lucky girl?"

"My sister," Meredith said.

Christina raised her eyebrows and made a humming noise. "Really?" she said. "Huh."

George narrowed his eyes at her. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"Do you have like a thing for Greys?" Izzie asked.

"No," George said defensively.

"Calm down, Bambi," Alex said. "We're just joking. We're happy for you."

George looked at Alex skeptically. "_You _are happy for me?" he asked doubtfully.

"Well, I'm not," Alex said, shutting his locker. "But the ovarian sisters over here seem to be."

"Shut up, Alex," Izzie said. She turned to George. "But we are happy for you."

xxx

Meredith fell into bed that night, exhausted. She crawled over to Derek and plopped down next to him with a sigh. "Tired?" he asked.

She smiled and moved close to him. "Yep," she said. "Very."

He smiled and kissed her forehead softly. "You have an appointment tomorrow."

"Another one?" Meredith asked sleepily.

"Mmmhmm," Derek said, wrapping his arm around her.

Meredith nodded into his chest. "Kay," she said, her eyes drooping. "You gonna be able to make it?"

"Of course," Derek said. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"It's just an appointment, Derek," Meredith said.

He turned his face toward her and smiled. "I don't want to miss anything," he told her.

She smiled back. "Okay," she said. He leaned down and kissed her softly and then she closed her eyes and drifted off.

xxx

Derek walked into his patient's room and smiled. Brian, the boy he was treating, looked up at him. He didn't smile back. "How are you today, Brian?" Derek asked.

Brian shrugged, flipping through the channels on the TV. "Okay I guess."

Derek glanced at the boy's chart. "So you got hit in the head...?" Derek asked.

"With a baseball." Derek turned and saw a woman walk into the room. Her face was thin and pale, her look pointed. "That idiot Smith kid can't aim to save his life." Her tone was not teasing or light.

Derek turned to Brian again. "Any dizziness or pain?"

Brian looked at Derek. Derek saw sadness in the boy's eyes. "Not that bad."

"Oh, Brian," his mother said, moving into the room and standing at the foot of her son's bed. "Don't be ridiculous." She let out a loud sigh and turned to Derek. "He fainted. Just hit the ground." She turned back to Brian. "That is not fine."

Derek nodded slightly. "Okay, well I want to run some tests."

"How long is this going to take?" the mother asked shortly. "I have a five o'clock."

Derek felt anger rise in his throat, but he forced it away and smiled indulgently. "I can't say how long the tests will take, but just keep in mind it's for your son's own good."

The mother eyed him carefully, sensing the undertones of anger in his voice. She turned to her son. "I'll be waiting."

xxx

For some reason, Derek felt oddly connected to Brian. He couldn't put his finger on why, however. He rode up with him in the elevator. "So, besides the fainting, have you felt nauseous at all?" Derek asked as they entered the elevator.

Brian shook his head. "No."

"So, right now you feel fine?"

Derek sensed the boy's hesitation. It was almost as if he wanted to tell Derek something. "I guess," he said finally.

Derek was silent for a moment. "Did you win your game?" he asked.

Brian shook his head. "I hit a home run, though." He smiled slightly. "Before the getting hit part." Derek chuckled. The boy was quiet for another moment and then added softly, "And my dad wasn't even there."

Suddenly, it hit Derek why he felt so connected to Brian. His father was absent. Derek never liked to talk about his father. Meredith had asked once and he had just said he had never been in the picture. She of all people understood, but he had always felt slightly guilty that he hadn't told her the complete truth.

The complete truth was that his father hadn't been just "out of the picture". He had, during Derek's childhood, frequently reentered the picture and threw everyone's lives into a tailspin. At the time, Derek had simply longed for him. He hadn't been angry. He hadn't understood completely what he was doing to his mother. How he made it so that she could never fall out of love with him.

But now, he was mad. He was angry at his father for depriving him of a "dad" who came to plays and recitals and...baseball games.

Derek reached out and ruffled the boy's hair, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I'm sure he wanted to be there," he said.

xxx

Derek peered at the computer screen as it showed Brian's brain through various images. Suddenly he pointed to the screen. "Look at that." He shook his head slightly. "He's bleeding into his frontal lobe."

xxx

"What?" Brian's mother exclaimed when she heard the news. "Brain surgery?" She looked stricken for only a moment. Almost immediately, indignation settled over her features. "How much is this going to cost?" she asked.

"I don't think you should worry about that," Derek said cooly. "The most important thing at this point is to stop the bleeding."

"Alright," she said. She walked over to her son.

"Where's dad?" Brian asked hopefully. "Is he coming?"

Suddenly, his mother's face flickered with a different emotion. It was hopelessness. "He's in a meeting," she said. "But he wanted to be here."

xxx

Derek didn't show up for Meredith's appointment. She wasn't that worried. She figured he had gotten tied up in surgery and couldn't make it. She walked into the exam room and Addison greeted her. "Derek here?" she asked.

Meredith shook her head with a slight shrug. "Probably caught up in surgery," she said easily.

Addison nodded, moving the ultrasound machine over to the side of the bed. "We're not doing anything too exciting today anyway," she said.

"I told him that," Meredith said with a smile, "but he said he didn't want to miss anything."

Addison smiled. "That sounds like him." She squirted the gel on Meredith's stomach and moved the wand across her stomach, peering at the screen. After a moment, she turned the screen towards Meredith. "See that little flutter? That's the heartbeat." She moved her finger to another spot on the screen. "And there's your baby."

Meredith smiled. "It actually looks like a baby. Sort of."

Addison laughed. "Do you want me to print a picture that you can show to Derek?"

Meredith nodded. "That would be great."

xxx

That evening, Derek walked into the house when Meredith and Izzie were watching TV. Meredith glanced up at him with a smile, but when she saw his face, the corners of her mouth immediately turned down. "Hi," she said, standing up and walking over to him in the foyer. She looked into his face.

His eyes were glassy, his face drawn. He seemed extremely tired and slightly irritated. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

"I missed your appointment," he said. His voice seemed pained.

Meredith nodded slightly. "It's okay."

"I got caught up in surgery," he said.

She nodded again and reached for his hand. He was tense. "Derek," she said, confused by his mood. "It's okay. It was just an appointment."

"Yeah," he said. "This time."

Meredith shook her head. "What do you mean?" she asked. She had never seen him like this.

"What if..." He ran a hand through his hair. "What if next time it's something else. Something more important. What if...the baby kicks and I miss it. What if you go into labor and I'm in surgery..." He trailed off and looked away from her. His voice dropped almost to a whisper. "What if our child doesn't even know who I am."

Meredith felt tears in her eyes. "Derek..." She wanted to touch him. His hand, his face, anywhere. "Derek...it'll be okay."

He shook his head. "What if I'm not there, Meredith? What if I miss it?"

"You won't," Meredith said simply.

He took a step away from her. She wished he hadn't. "How can you say that? Be so sure?"

Meredith shook her head slightly and crossed her arms across her chest. She looked at him carefully. "Derek," she said earnestly. "What is wrong?"

He stared at her silently, his eyes full. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to explain so badly. How badly he didn't want to be _that guy. _The guy who was never there. The guy that missed his kids' childhood. The baseball games. The recitals. The projects. He wanted to tell her how important it all was. How much it meant to him. He wouldn't miss all those things. Because it was all those things that his own father had been gone for. His father was a stranger. He didn't want to be a stranger to his child. But what if he couldn't help it? "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself," he said quietly.

Meredith took a step towards him. Her need to touch him was overwhelming. "Derek." He watched her intently. He wanted to explain. "Tell me what is wrong."

He wanted to. He longed to let out all these memories and emotions he had kept hidden for so long. For his mother's sake. For his father's sake. For his own sake. But he couldn't bring himself to form the words, so he only turned ad walked out the door.

**How intense was that??? Haha. I know some of you might be slightly worried at this point, but don't worry. It'll be okay. This plot line will have a happy resolution. You guys can always count on the fact that there will be a happy ending. One of the main reasons I wrote this story was to have as much MerDer fluff as possible, so you can count on some more fluff coming your way. Lol. **


	46. As You Wish

_Meredith took a step towards him. Her need to touch him was overwhelming. "Derek." He watched her intently. He wanted to explain. "Tell me what is wrong." _

_He wanted to. He longed to let out all these memories and emotions he had kept hidden for so long. For his mother's sake. For his father's sake. For his own sake. But he couldn't bring himself to form the words, so he only turned ad walked out the door._

Meredith watched him go, her heart aching slightly. She wanted so badly to know what was wrong so that she could help him. She hated to see him so torn. She stood in the foyer a moment longer, hoping he would come back. But he didn't. She turned around and walked back into the living room. Izzie looked up at her.

"Wow," Meredith said softly.

"Yeah," Izzie said, her face filled with sympathy. "You okay?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, um..." She shook her head, as if pulling herself from a daze. "I'll be fine." She felt tears in her eyes and wished they weren't there. "I'm gonna go to bed."

Izzie stood up and walked over to her. "Okay," she said. Meredith knew if Izzie hugged her she would cry. She felt that familiar urge to run away, but she couldn't will her feet to move. But then Izzie's arms were around her and there was no hiding. She let her head fall on her friend's shoulder.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Meredith asked.

Izzie smiled. "I'm sure he'll be fine." Izzie pulled back and looked at Meredith. There was no doubt that she loved him.

"Do you think he'll come back?" Meredith said dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Yes," Izzie said.

Meredith looked back up at Izzie and smiled. "Thanks, Iz." She turned and made her way over to the stairs. "You going to bed?" she called back.

Izzie shook her head. "No I think I'll wait for Alex."

Meredith smiled to herself and nodded. "Okay."

xxx

Meredith lay in bed for hours. She couldn't fall asleep without Derek. She placed her hand on her stomach and felt a little flutter, which had now become familiar, as the baby moved. She wished Derek were beside her. The feeling of the baby moving had not gotten old to Derek. Every time she felt it, she would reach for his hand and move it on her stomach and he would smile as if it were the first time.

She turned on her side and let out a long breath, puzzling over Derek's actions earlier that night. He was upset by the fact that he had missed her appointment, but she knew that there was something else bothering him as well. She wished he would just talk to her.

She glanced at the clock. The red numbers stared back at her unforgivingly. 2:12. She sat up in bed. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep without him so she got up and walked downstairs. Grabbing the car keys, she walked outside and got into her car.

xxx

She knocked on Christina's apartment, feeling less guilty than she probably should've. But she didn't care. She needed her person. Burke answered the door and squinted at her.

"Meredith?" he mumbled, his voice groggy.

"Hi...Dr. Burke," she said softly.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "Is Christina...?"

"Yeah," he said, stepping to the side. "Come in." She walked inside and stood in the kitchen awkwardly. He looked at her for a moment as if trying to figure what was wrong and then said, "I'll go get her."

A moment later Christina walked into the kitchen. Meredith's eyes immediately filled with tears. She didn't know if it was from lack of sleep or actual sadness. "What's wrong?" Christina asked.

"Derek..." Meredith said. "He's...gone..."

Christina immediately looked pained. "For good?"

Meredith shook her head. "No," she said softly. "I don't think so."

Christina stepped closer to Meredith and took her arm, leading her over to the couch. They sat down. Christina leaned against one arm rest and Meredith leaned against the other so that they were facing each other on opposite ends of the couch. Christina looked at her carefully. "What happened?"

Meredith told her tale from start to finish and at the end Christina seemed just as baffled as Meredith was. "Wow," she said.

"That's what I said," Meredith replied wearily. Her body ached with exhaustion and sadness. "I miss him," she said quietly. "We've never fought like this before."

"Are you kidding me?" Christina said. "You and McDreamy have had your fair share of riffs."

Meredith nodded slightly. "But I was always the one running away."

xxx

Derek didn't know what to do with himself. He drove to Joe's, but wasn't in the mood for a drink. He had gotten used to not drinking, because Meredith couldn't. He drove to the hospital, but realized he couldn't do anything useful when he felt like this. Finally, he drove back to the house and parked his car in the driveway. He stayed in the car for a long time feeling more than anything like an idiot.

He wanted to talk to Meredith, but for some reason he couldn't. He had spent his whole life not talking about his dad so it was hard to do it now. He had neatly tucked all of his hurt and all of his anger into a small section of his brain where it could be forgotten. But every once in a while he would be reminded and it would hit him and break him all over again.

But Meredith deserved to know. It wasn't fair to leave her standing in the foyer thinking she had done something wrong. He opened his car door, walked inside and up the steps. The door to their bedroom was slightly ajar and he peeked into it. "Mer?' he said softly. No answer. He walked inside feeling the words within him and thinking that maybe he was finally ready. "Mer, I'm so sorry," he whispered.

He walked over to the bed and sat down and it was then that he realized she was already gone.

xxx

Burke walked out into the living room the next morning to find Meredith and Christina asleep on the couch. Christina was holding Meredith's feet which rested comfortably in her lap and Meredith's hands were placed protectively over her stomach. Christina opened her eyes and saw him standing there, a smile playing on his lips. She slowly extracted herself from Meredith and walked over to him, placing a kiss on his lips. "She and McDreamy had a fight," she said.

Burke nodded. "She okay?"

Christina glanced at her friend. "She will be."

xxx

When Derek got to the hospital he immediately went to the locker rooms. He walked inside and found Christina by her locker. "Is Meredith here?" he asked desperately.

Christina glanced up at him. She could tell that he had barely slept. His eyes were red and his face drawn. He also looked terribly sad. "No," she told him.

His shoulders slumped. He looked exhausted and heartbroken all at once. "Is she okay?" he asked, his voice pained.

Christina eyed him carefully. "You hurt her," she said simply even though it was obvious he already knew. He nodded sadly and turned from her. "She misses you."

He turned back and looked at her imploringly. "I miss her too."

"I know," Christina said. "It's pathetic." She paused her movements and looked at him full on. "She can't really exist without you, you know."

He looked terribly pained at that. "I can't really either."

xxx

Meredith lay on her bed feeling sad. She felt kind of pathetic taking a day off, but she was just too exhausted. She knew Bailey would've put her on scut anyway. Sometime around noon she was vaguely aware of footsteps coming up the stairs and stopping outside her door.

"Meredith," was all he said. Without even seeing his face she could hear the pain and guilt in his voice. She didn't sit up, she didn't even look at him. "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes and a single tear trickled down her cheek. "You came back," she said softly.

His heart ached. "Of course I did." He walked further into the room. "I always will you know."

"I know," she said softly.

They were both quiet for a while. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," he told her, because he had to. "And I'm sorry I didn't explain."

She still didn't meet his eyes. "You yelled at me for no reason and then you walked away for no reason."

"I know," he said.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. He folded his hands in his lap and looked at the floor. Slowly, he recalled all those memories, which he had stored away so neatly. He was ready to tell his story to her. This person that he loved so much. "When I was eight, my class put on a musical. It was a huge deal and I got the lead. The day I found out, I ran home to tell my parents." He shook his head slightly at the memory. "My mother was wildly excited, my dad seemed proud.I made them both promise right on the spot that they would come see me when we performed for the parents. And they did. They both...promised."

Meredith heard the sadness in Derek's voice and felt a lump rise in her throat. She glanced over at him. "But on the night of my play...On the greatest day of my eight-year-old life...I walked out on stage and..." He ran his hand over his face and looked out the window. "I'll never forget," he said softly. "I'll never forget that empty seat. That goddamned empty seat."

Suddenly, he couldn't sit still. He stood up and walked across the room. Finally, he turned to Meredith and she met his eyes. "He didn't come," he said. "He didn't come. He wasn't there, Mer. He was never...there for me." He shook his head and she could see the tears in his eyes. "I can't be like him. I'll never be able to forgive myself if I'm not there."

Meredith couldn't stand it any longer. She stood up and walked over to him. He looked down at her with veneration and longing in his eyes. "Derek," she said quietly. "You won't be like him. You'll be an incredible father. You'll be at all the games and all the plays and all the conferences. I know it."

"You do?" he said softly.

"I do," she replied, her voice soft. "You've already fallen in love with our baby and no matter how many musicals or games your father missed, you are you, and you are not that guy. You will never be an empty seat."

He reached for her slowly, pulling her into his arms and holding her as if he was hanging on for dear life. She pressed her face into his chest and took a deep breath, feeling herself being put back together as he held. After a while, he pulled back slightly and found his lips with hers, kissing her hungrily.

She immediately responded to his desire and began to lead him backwards towards the bed. She sat down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him, holding the edge of his shirt in her fingers. He reached up and brushed her hair out if her face. "I love you, you know."

"I know," she said. "And I love you."

He leaned down and kissed her deeply, pushing her back onto the bed. He lay down beside her and placed his hands on her stomach, stroking it softly. She leaned forward and pressed her face to his cheek. She felt his rough stubble on her cheek and smiled to herself.

She felt as he moved his hands from her stomach, lifting her shirt upward. She shivered slightly in anticipation as he pulled her close and moved his lips across her neck. He moved his mouth close to her ear. "Maybe we should fight more often."

"Why?" Meredith asked softly, clearly distracted by his lips which were currently lavishing kisses across her chest.

"Make up sex," he said.

She laughed softly and brought his lips to hers again. "I don't think so," she said.

He smiled. "You're probably right."

She moved closer to him, getting impatient. "Kiss me," she said, her voice thick with desire.

He grinned and pressed his lips to hers. "As you wish," he said softly.


	47. I Gave Her Up

\/p>

**Hey guys! There was a question about how far along Meredith was and I just wanted to clear it up. At this point she's is like four months along, because the baby just started moving. So from now on I'll try to put that into the story. **

Meredith woke up and smiled, basking in the familiar feel of Derek's arm wrapped around her stomach. When he felt her stir he opened his eyes and tightened his grasp around her. "Morning," she said softly. 

He leaned forward and kissed her neck gently. "Morning," he said. 

She turned in his arms and he smile at her warmly. "How are you?" she asked. 

His smile grew. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" she asked, her eyes revealing more worry than her voice. 

He hugged her closer. "I'm sure." He buried his face in her neck and fell silent for a moment. "You know, all that stuff I told you last night..." He let out a breath. "I never told anyone else."

Meredith felt tears in her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. "I'm glad you told me," she said softly. 

He pulled back and looked at her. "Me too." He leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. She sighed softly as he moved his lips to her neck. Suddenly, she felt the baby move. She smiled to herself and pulled back slightly, reaching for his hand. She placed it gently on her stomach and he grinned, before pulling her close again. 

xxx

Meredith walked downstairs and into the kitchen to find Izzie making breakfast. Meredith sat down on one of the stools and propped her chin in her hands. "I'm hungry," she said, trying to look pathetic. 

Izzie glanced up at her face and laughed. "Eating for two can make you pretty hungry, huh?"

"Yeah," Meredith said. "You should try it sometime."

Izzie felt a pang of sadness at Meredith's words. _I have, _she thought, but shook the memories away quickly. "Yeah," she said softly. 

Meredith immediately noticed her change in demeanor. "You okay?" she asked. 

Izzie shook her head slightly and smiled up at Meredith. "Yeah. Fine."

Meredith studied her a moment longer before changing the subject. "So how's living with Alex going?"

"It's exactly how living with Alex has been the past few months," Izzie said with a smile. 

"Yeah, but his dresser is in your room now."

Izzie smiled. "Ah yes. Very symbolic."

"Very," Meredith said. 

"Morning," Derek said, walking into the kitchen and heading towards the fridge.

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie said, not looking up from her cooking. "Want some eggs?"

"Love some," he said, pulling the orange juice out of the fridge. "Want some?" he asked Meredith holding up the carton. 

Meredith made a face. "I want chocolate milk," she said. 

"Chocolate milk isn't very good for you," Derek said. "You need vitamin C."

"But I want chocolate milk."

"But you need Vitamin C. For our baby." He smiled his perfect smile at her, but she shook her head.

"Don't drag our baby into this," Meredith said. "Our baby would probably enjoy some chocolate. Our baby probably doesn't even want your stinkin' vitamin C."

Derek tried to look offended, but only succeeded in plastering a scowl on his face that Meredith found very cute. "How do you know what _our baby_ does or does not want?"

"Because it's _our baby _and the stupid hormones that come along with it that are making me crave chocolate milk," she said triumphantly. How could he compete with that? 

"Well your baby and your hormones don't know what's good for them," he replied.

"Oh so now it's my baby?" she asked incredulously. 

"When it's being bad, it definitely is," he told her with a smirk. 

"Oh you are horrible," she said, getting up from her stool and walking over to him. "You are just...horrible."

He smiled down at her and for some reason, as he looked at her, Meredith forgot what they had been talking about. All words, in fact, seemed to be lost to her. Her gaze slowly shifted from his eyes to his lips and there it stayed as he began to lean closer to her. When they were only inches apart he turned away. "Those eggs almost ready?" he asked Izzie. 

Izzie, who had been watching their little morning banter with a bemused expression on her face, now shook her head slightly. "Almost."

Meredith stood in a daze, not exactly sure what had happened. She shook her head slightly and glanced at Derek, who was saying something to Izzie. Her eyes fell to his lips again and she wondered why those alleged lips weren't on hers at the moment. _Evil man, _she thought. 

Derek turned and saw her slightly dazed expression. He smiled at the affect he had on her. Although, really, he shouldn't be gloating, because he knew he had worn that same expression many times before. She did something to him that no other woman ever had. He was drawn to her. She was the first thing he thought about in the morning and that last thing he thought about at night. Put simply, he loved her. 

And with that thought, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her close and kissed her softly on the lips. She gasped slightly, taken by surprise, but soon relaxed under his familiar touch, letting him love her in the way that only he knew how.

xxx

Meredith finished her eggs and got up, bringing the dish over to the sink. "I want to go shopping today," she said. 

"For what?" Derek asked, glancing up from his paper.

"All the...crap...we need for the baby," she said. 

Derek laughed. "Okay," he said. He got up and walked over to her, kissing her quickly on the lips. "I just need to make a call really quick and then we can go."

Meredith nodded and then sat back down on her stool as he left the kitchen. "I think I'm going crazy, Iz," she said matter of factly. 

Izzie smiled. "Really?"

"Yep," Meredith said. She was quiet for a moment. "I just feel like...there's not enough time."

"Five months? That's enough," Izzie replied. 

Meredith nodded. "I just wish I had someone to talk to, you know? Someone who knew what they were talking about."

"What about Addison?"

Meredith smiled slightly. "Addison's been great, but I mean..."

"Someone who has been pregnant before," Izzie said softly. 

Meredith glanced up at Izzie. "Yeah."

Izzie felt her heart ache slightly as tears came to her eyes. She looked at Meredith and wished she could tell her. "Meredith...There's something you don't know about me..."

"Ready to go?" Derek asked cheerfully, walking into the kitchen.

Meredith's gaze didn't shift from Izzie. Derek paused in the doorway, unsure of what was going on. "Iz..." Meredith said softly. 

Izzie shook her head. "It's nothing," she said, her voice slightly wobbly. "You should go. I'll talk to you later."

Meredith looked at her a moment longer, before standing. "Okay...I'll see you later."

Izzie nodded. "Yeah."

xxx

"What about this?" Meredith asked, holding up a tiny little shirt that said "AC/DC". Derek laughed. "Oh come on," Meredith said. "They were my favorite band in high school." She threw the shirt into the cart. 

"Fine," Derek said. "But then I get to get this." He held up a shirt that said "The Clash". Meredith smiled and shook her head slightly. 

"Fine," she said. 

Within half an hour the cart was piled high with tiny shirts, pants and shoes, onesies, booties, blankets, an assortment of stuffed animals, a stroller, enough diapers to sink the Titanic, baby powder, and other random things that Meredith felt sure they would need. 

Derek pushed the brimming cart into one of the check out lines. The cashier looked slightly scared at the mountain of baby merchandise teetering over her. Derek caught the look. "Just so you know, I think we bought everything in your store."

The cashier smiled. "You have made a lot of purchases."

Derek looked over at Meredith, who tried to appear as innocent as possible. "What?" she said. "I think I'm nesting." 

"Nesting?" Derek said. 

"Yeah," Meredith said. 

He smiled and walked over to her, kissing her softly. She smiled against his lips as he pulled her close. "Your total is 312 dollars and 93 cents," the cashier said.

Derek pulled back and narrowed his eyes at her. "What?" she said. Without taking his gaze off of her, he handed his credit card to the cashier. "What?" she said again.

xxx

Derek and Meredith stumbled back into the house carrying dozens of bags. Izzie and Alex emerged from the kitchen and stood in awe. "Did you buy the whole store?" Alex said. 

Meredith scowled. "No," she said. "We need all this stuff."

Alex crossed his arms. "Holy crap. Babies are expensive."

Izzie smiled at him and he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Want to watch some TV?" he asked. 

She nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there in a little bit."

Meredith walked over to Izzie. "So what was that all about this morning?" she asked softly. Izzie shook her head slightly. "You can tell me, Iz."

Izzie smiled faintly. "I know."

Meredith turned over her shoulder at Derek struggling with the bags. "Hey, Derek? I need to talk to Izzie for a second, okay?"

Derek looked up at her. "What? What am I supposed to do with all this stuff?"

Meredith shrugged. "Alex's old room?"

"Upstairs? I have to carry this stuff upstairs?" Derek said, his shoulders sagging. "Cruel woman."

Meredith smiled sweetly and then ushered Izzie into the kitchen. Izzie wandered across the room. Meredith watched her silently as she absentmindedly ran her fingers over the counter. "What is it?" she asked.

Izzie turned around. Meredith saw the tears glistening in her eyes. "When I was sixteen, I got pregnant." Meredith tried not to react although her heart leapt slightly. Izzie shook her head and glanced at the floor. "I had a kid, Meredith." She met Meredith's gaze. Meredith saw the pain in Izzie's face. "And I gave her up."

Meredith walked across the room and hugged Izzie tightly. "Oh, Iz," she said softly. 

Izzie's body shook with sobs as she let her head sink into the warmth of Meredith's shoulder. "Her name was Hannah," she whispered, almost to herself. 

\/p> 


	48. Lost Without You

Meredith didn't know what to say to Izzie. She couldn't imagine giving up her child. She had already fallen in love with it. But she also understood. Izzie wanted to be a doctor, she wanted a different life than her mother's. She didn't want to be a waitress in cramped diner at the age of fifty, raising a child in a trailer.

Meredith pulled back slightly from Izzie and looked at her face. "You okay?" Izzie smiled slightly and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Meredith frowned. "Why didn't you tell us, Iz?"

Izzie shook her head. She was silent for a moment, and then turned her face toward Meredith. "I wanted to start fresh and I thought that in this place...I could finally be the person I always dreamed of being." She looked at Meredith steadily. "I didn't want to be little 'Cricket' who lived in a trailer and got knocked up at the age of sixteen. I wanted to be Dr. Isabel Stevens."

Meredith nodded. "I get it," she said.

"Do you?" Izzie asked.

Meredith smiled faintly. "I really do." She paused. "But why tell me now?"

"Oh, because you just seemed so pathetic sitting there, all scared, wishing there was someone who understood."

Meredith laughed. "Was I really that pathetic?"

Izzie shrugged. "No." She smiled. "I just wanted to let you know that there is someone who understands."

Meredith smiled. "Thank you. Now, I actually do have one question."

"Shoot," Izzie said.

"Does labor really hurt that badly?"

Izzie glanced at Meredith and laughed at the looked of mortification plastered on her face. "Yes and no."

Meredith scowled. "What?"

"It hurts," Izzie said. "But there's a pretty good consolation prize at the end."

"There is?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Izzie said. "After the baby, a whole crap load of confetti just comes shooting right out."

Meredith laughed. "Looking forward to that."

xxx

Meredith walked into the bedroom to find Derek sprawled on the bed, feigning exhaustion. He lifted his head slightly and peered at her. "I'm dying," he told her, letting his head fall back on the bed.

"Of what? Laziness?" Meredith teased.

"Exhaustion," he said with a heartfelt groan.

She smiled and walked over to the bed, crawling across the covers and plopping down next to him. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. She closed her eyes in happiness and breathed in his comforting smell. As he held her, she wrapped her arm around his waist and pulled herself closer, resting her head on his chest. "I'm fat," she said softly.

"No you're not," he said.

She was quiet for a moment. "Yes I am."

He chuckled and looked down at her. "Meredith," he said, his voice soft. She looked up at him. "You're beautiful."

She smiled as he moved down her body and pressed his cheek to her stomach. He whispered something that she couldn't hear to the baby. As he talked, his stubble rubbed against the tender skin of her belly making her giggle. "That tickles," she said.

He smiled mischievously and then began moving his cheek up and down her stomach, sending her into a fit of laughter. She rolled away from him, attempting to push him away, but his grip around her waist was firm and he pulled her back to him. She collapsed beside him, face down on the bed.

"Evil," she said, turning her head slightly and looking at him, her face red.

He laughed, a big grin lighting up his face and lay down next to her. "Oh my god," she said softly, bringing a hand to her stomach. "The baby is moving so much."

He smiled and placed his hand on top of hers, feeling the familiar flutter beneath his fingertips. After a while, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I love you," he said, his breath warm on her cheek.

She smiled and moved her face close to his, feeling his rough stubble on her cheek. "I love you too," she said softly. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close and pressing his face into her hair.

She let out a breath as their bodies came to together, pressed against one another from their shoulder to their toes. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, with a smile of pure content playing on her lips.

xxx

Meredith's hunger woke her up sometime in the afternoon. She smiled as she realized that even in sleep, Derek still held her to him firmly. She kissed his cheek softly and he opened his eyes. "Hi," he said. He closed his eyes again and tucked his head closer to her.

She smiled and reached up, running her fingers through his hair. "Derek," she said.

"Mmmm?" he said, not opening his eyes nor releasing his gentle hold of her.

"I'm hungry," she said.

He was quiet for a moment and then opened one eye to peer at her. "How hungry?" he asked.

"Very hungry," she said seriously.

He groaned. "But I'm so comfortable," he told her.

She laughed softly and leaned forward. She pressed a kiss to each of his closed eyes, then his nose, then his lips. He still didn't open her eyes, but opened his mouth to her kisses and pulled her on top of him. She let him kiss her and move his hands over her body, but finally pulled back.

He looked up at her. "I'm hungry," she reiterated.

He smiled. "Okay, fine," he said with a smile. "I'll make us some lunch."

She smiled, satisfied and kissed him again. Just as he was beginning to respond, she rolled off of him and stood up. He turned his head and narrowed her eyes at her, but got up and followed her into the kitchen.

xxx

Ten minutes later, Derek was standing in front of the stove as two grilled cheeses sizzled in a pan. Suddenly, the kitchen door flew open and Christina came in. "Food!" she exclaimed and ran over to the stove, grabbing one of the sandwiches and shoving it in her mouth.

"Hey!" Derek said. "That was mine!"

Christina considered him out of the corner of her eye as she chewed. "I was hungwy," she said, her mouth full.

Meredith let out a laugh. "Long shift?"

Christina closed her eyes and nodded solemnly. "Fifty two hours and thirty seven minutes."

"Not that you were counting or anything," Meredith said.

Christina glared at her. "Shut up," she said before taking another bite. She chewed for a second before going on. "The only thing I ate that whole time was a bag of doritos and a slightly bruised pear."

"Healthy," Derek remarked, as he placed another sandwich in the pan. He then placed Meredith's on a plate and put it on the table in front of her.

"Yay!" Meredith exclaimed, picking up the sandwich and stuffing half of it in her mouth. She chewed contentedly for a while, before swallowing and sighing. "You saved me," she said.

Derek laughed. "My pleasure."

After Meredith finished her sandwich, she leaned back in her chair, resting her hand on her stomach. "I love you," she told Derek.

"Oh God," Christina said beside her.

Meredith laughed. "I'd love you to if you made me another sandwich."

"You do not want to eat my cooking," she said. "I can't even make toast."

"Yeah, me neither," Meredith said. "But that's okay, cause I got me a man who can cook for me."

Derek smiled and walked over to her, kissing her softly on the lips. "What did you ever do without me?" he asked.

She shrugged. "I was a lost without you." Derek smiled. "Actually I just ate Ramen noodles most nights."

"Thank God I came along when I did," Derek said.

"Thank God for that," Meredith said softly as he leaned forward and kiss her.

xxx

Christina had fallen asleep with her head resting on the kitchen table. Meredith smiled and placed her hand on her friend's shoulder, shaking her slightly. "Christina?" Meredith said softly. "Wake up."

Christina lifted her head. "What?" she asked.

"Tired?" Meredith said.

Christina nodded. "Very."

"You can go crash in my room if you want," Meredith said.

Christina nodded wordlessly and stood up, shuffling out the door and up the steps. Once the door had shut behind her, Meredith stood up and walked over to Derek, looping her arms around his neck. She kissed him softly. "Do you have a shift tonight?"

He leaned forward and kissed. "Yeah," he said into her lips.

She frowned. "What am I gonna do without you?"

He smiled. "I don't know," he said teasingly. "I guess you'll just have to eat Ramen noodles and wallow in your loneliness."

"Sounds good to me," she said.

xxx

Once Derek left, Meredith stood in the foyer for a moment, before turning to go upstairs. Just as she reached the staircase, the front door opened behind her and George and Lexie stumbled in, laughing. Meredith was slightly surprised, but got over it when Lexie ran over to her and hugged her. "Hey, Meredith," she said.

Meredith smiled. "What're you guys doing?" Meredith asked, glancing over Lexie's shoulder at George who was looking slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, we just went out to dinner," Lexie said. Meredith was happy to see Lexie happy. She looked much better than the last time she saw her after her mother's funeral. The color had come back into her cheeks and her eyes were bright compared to the dull apathy that filled them a couple weeks ago.

"You look great," Meredith remarked.

Lexie beamed. "Thanks," she said.

Meredith smiled. "Well, I'll leave you to kids alone," she said, amusement in her voice.

xxx

Meredith walked into her bedroom and found Christina sound asleep, sprawled in the middle of the bed. Meredith smirked and walked over, crawling across the covers. She shook Christina slightly. "Move over. You're in the middle of the bed."

Christina grumbled, half asleep, but moved over. Meredith got under the covers. "Aren't you going home?" Meredith asked, settling against the pillows.

Christina was quiet for a moment and Meredith thought she was asleep, but suddenly, she turned and looked at Meredith. Even in the darkness Meredith could see her eyes were red from crying. "What is it?" Meredith asked.

Fresh tears slipped down Christina's face. "Burke and I broke up," she said, her voice shaky.

Without even thinking about it, Meredith moved closer to her friend and wrapped her arms around her. "I'm so sorry," Meredith said quietly.


	49. Can You Love a Fool?

Christina opened her eyes slowly, hoping it was all a dream. Maybe she would turn around and he would be smiling his lazy morning smile at her. Maybe she would feel his warm hand on her hip as he reached for her and pulled her close. But then she remembered.

She turned her head to the side and saw Meredith sleeping quietly, loyally beside her. She smiled a very faint smile and felt the emptiness and the missing in her chest, aching softly. Meredith opened her eyes and smiled at her friend.

"Hi," she said.

"Hey," Christina said, turning her face towards the ceiling.

Meredith lay there in silence, looking at her friend. "Christina..."

"Don't," Christina said, shaking her head. "Just don't. Please."

Meredith nodded. "Okay."

xxx

Meredith didn't see Derek until lunchtime. She found him at a nurse's station, bent over a chart, talking to one of the nurses intently. She smiled to herself and then walked over to him. When he saw her, his face immediately lit up. She leaned toward him and kissed him softly on the lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her body against his for a moment. "Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied.

He leaned forward and kissed her again, before pulling away slightly, although his grip around her waist did not loosen. "So I came upon a funny thing this morning," Derek said.

Meredith frowned. "What's that?"

"A very teary Burke," he told her, his brow furrowed.

Meredith's expression immediately turned serious. Instinctively, she moved closer to Derek as if drawing strength from him. "Christina broke up with him," she said, her voice soft.

Seeing the pain in Meredith's face, Derek led her into a nearby on call room. Once he closed the door her turned back to her. "What?" he said.

Meredith nodded wordlessly and he reached for her again, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tight.

xxx

Meredith was walking down the hall when Addison called out to her. "Dr. Grey!" she said, jogging over to Meredith.

Meredith smiled. "Dr. Montgomery," she said.

"Do you know what's going on with Christina?" Addison asked.

"Why? What happened?" Meredith asked quickly, her voice tense.

"She was supposed to be my intern today, but she never showed up," Addison said, her brow furrowed. "She even missed scrubbing in on my surgery."

Meredith felt a pang in her chest. Christina never missed surgery. Never. "I don't know..." Meredith said, her voice slightly shaky. "I have to...I have to go find her." Addison nodded quickly as Meredith moved past her down the hall.

xxx

Meredith finally found Christina in an on call room, sitting on the edge of a bed silently. "Hey," Meredith said.

Christina looked up at Meredith. She seemed to only vaguely register her presence. "Addison said you didn't show up for surgery," Meredith said, sitting next to Christina. She didn't reply. "You never miss surgery, Chris," Meredith said softly.

"I couldn't be...there," Christina said softly.

"Chris," Meredith said. "You're going to have to talk about. Sometime."

Christina was silent. She looked at her feet, she looked at the wall. "Yesterday, I was standing in surgery with Burke and he let me do a running whip-stitch to close up the patient's heart. _A running whip-stitch."_

"That good," Meredith said carefully.

"I know," Christina said. "It's amazing. It should've been one of the greatest moments of my career as a intern. It should've meant the world to me." She shook her head and paused. Meredith glanced over at her friend and saw a single tear run down her cheek and fall off her chin. "When I finished, I stepped back and looked up at Burke. And he smiled at me and said I did a good job and I suddenly realized..." Her voce trailed off. Meredith waited. "I suddenly realized that that smile, his smile, meant more to me than that running whip-stitch."

Christina let out a breath and turned her head towards Meredith. "I loved him," she said, her voice soft. "I loved him so much. And I got scared. Surgery has been my life for as long as I can remember. And it's safe. You can count on surgery. The science of it, the precision of each cut. But Burke is not safe. I could lose him."

"You got scared," Meredith said softly, slowly. "And you ran away." She looked at her friend. "Isn't that supposed to be my job?"

Christina smiled slightly and rested her head on Meredith's shoulder. "I'm an idiot," she said softly. "I broke up with the man I love. What kind of person does that?"

Meredith shook her head and sighed. "Sadly, most of us are idiots. That's the truth." She smiled slightly. "But he still loves you, you know. Even if you are one."

xxx

Later that day, Meredith and Derek were lying in bed together in an on call room. Derek's arm was wrapped around her stomach, his face pressed into her neck. "I'm going to be late tonight," he said softly.

Meredith turned and faced him. "No," she said. She hated falling asleep without him.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll miss you, though, of course," he said.

She smiled. "You better."

Meredith rested her head on his chest. "Christina said that she broke up with Burke, because she got scared."

Derek frowned. "Of what?"

"She realized she loved him more than she loved surgery," Meredith told him, her tone knowing.

Derek wrapped his arms tighter around her and kissed her on the forehead. "I realized that a long time ago."

Meredith lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "You love me more than surgery?" she asked, her voice quiet.

"I love you more than anything," he said. Meredith felt tears in her eyes as he leaned forward and kissed her softly. She wrapped her arms around him, pressing her body against his. She wanted to be as close to him as possible. She always did.

She felt him sweep his tongue across her lips and she parted them slightly. His mouth was warm, his kisses lingering. She gave into him and everything he promised her. "I love you too," she said as he moved his mouth to her neck. "More than you could ever know."

xxx

Christina went home that night. Was it still? Could she still call it her home? _We'll find out, _she thought to herself as she opened the door. Burke walked out of the bedroom and looked at her silently. She stared at the floor. "Hi," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"Hello," he said evenly.

She lifted her head, but shifted away from his lingering eyes. "I'm an idiot," she said, walking into the room. He didn't respond. She guessed he agreed, though. "Because I love you. And it's as simple as that."

Finally, she lifted her gaze to meet his. "But I got scared," she said slowly. "I could lose you. And I wouldn't be able to live if I ever lost you."

She took another step forward and tried to read his solemn expression. "The question is simple. Can you still love me? Even if I am an idiot? Even if I am scared?"

He let the moment linger. He let her worry even when all he wanted to do was cross the room and kiss her. Then he went to her. In two strides, she was in his arms as he kissed her soundly on the lips. She sighed and pressed herself into his body. "I love you."

xxx

Derek walked into their bedroom sometime after midnight. He smiled at the sight of Meredith, sleeping peacefully, turned towards the spot on the bed where he usually was. He walked across the room and slipped under the covers. She opened her eyes slightly and reached for him, as if she couldn't bear to be apart from him any longer.

He pulled her close and she settled against him, sighing contentedly as his warmth, his smell, lulled her back to sleep. With that they both fell asleep in each other's arms.

xxx

"Boston," the chief said.

Derek, Meredith, Burke and Christina looked at him expectantly. "What about it?" Christina finally said.

"You're going there," the chief said. "For a conference."

"Oh, great," Derek said. "Another conference."

The chief frowned at Derek and sighed. "Oh come on, it's not that bad."

"Oh, yeah," Burke replied. "Mingling with caffeine addicted, sleep deprived, over energetic surgeons is really fun, Richard."

"At least you have company," Christina said. Burke smirked.

The chief shook his head. "You're leaving tomorrow. Try and...be productive."


	50. Never Let Me Go

**Hey! So what I did with this was just replace the chapter 50 that I posted a few days ago with this chapter. Like I said, that short scene was just a preview of this chapter, so it's in here also. Anyway, hope you guys like this! I made it a little longer to make up for my recent lack of postings. **

Meredith plopped into her seat with a sigh. Derek sat down next to her and smiled at her. "We're are going to get in so late," Meredith said.

"Not that late," Derek reasoned.

Meredith turned her head towards him. "No. Very, very late."

Derek smirked. "Not my fault."

"Yes it is," Meredith said. "You and Burke were the freakin' geniuses who booked the flight."

Derek chuckled beside her. "Seven o'clock didn't seem that late," he reasoned.

"Seven o'clock isn't the problem. Seven o'clock is fine. The problem is the arrival time. Which, I don't know if you realize, is two freakin' o'clock in the morning." She glared at him for a moment before looking away.

"Jeez," he said. "You and hormones don't mix well." He smiled slightly, knowing that it was the exact thing he could say that would drive her crazy.

"Oh no you didn't," Meredith said, sitting up and facing him full on. "Just because I am pregnant does not mean you can blame every bad mood on hormones. Just because I'm pregnant does not mean I don't have real feelings. Just because..."

Derek turned and looked at her and she saw the amusement twinkling in his eyes. "And now you're mocking me," she said with a huff. "Don't mock me."

"I'm not mocking me," Derek said, leaning over and kissing her cheek. "Your feelings are very valid. I'm sorry I booked such a late flight."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Oh don't apologize. It's patronizing."

Derek chuckled beside her. "Do you realize how cute you are when you're angry?"

An uncontrollable smirk passed over her face. "Now my mood swings are a turn on?"

"I thought they real feelings," Derek said with a smile.

She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "I can't even tell anymore," she said with a sigh.

Derek smiled and lifted the arm rest between them, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close. He pressed his face into her hair and breathed in. "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you," she replied, lifting her face and looking at him. The corners of his mouth curved into a smile as his gaze fell onto her lips. He drew her into him and kissed her softly.

After a minute, she pulled back and sank against him, resting her head on his chest. She let out a long, contented breath. "I'm going to sleep now," she announced.

He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her. "Okay," he said softly.

xxx

"Peanuts, pretzels or crackers?"

Derek opened his eyes and glanced down the aisle to where a flight attendant was handing out snacks as if it were her greatest joy in life. He glanced down at Meredith as she sighed in her sleep and pulled herself closer to him. He smiled and reached up, wiping the hair out of her face.

"Peanuts, pretzels or crackers?" Derek looked up at the flight attendant smiling face.

"Uh, peanuts please," Derek said, with a small smile.

"Great choice," the flight attendant replied happily, handing him the little packet of nuts. She paused and then glanced at Meredith, quite unconscious, her head resting against Derek's chest.

The flight attendant crouched down slightly and lowered her voice, apparently for Meredith's benefit as if she hadn't been talking at full volume a moment before. "Would she like something when she wakes up?" she asked in an over loud whisper.

Derek had to suppress a chuckle. "Sure," he said easily. "Maybe some pretzels."

"Great choice!" she replied, bouncing up and grabbing a packet of pretzels, before handing them to Derek. "Please feel free to tell me if I can do anything to make your trip with Delta more enjoyable."

Derek tried to stop himself, but he couldn't. "Oh no, we're having a blast," he said.

Sarcasm seemed to be lost on...Derek glanced at the woman's name tag. Cindy. Well, apparently, sarcasm was lost on Cindy, because she just threw Derek a grin and moved down the aisle.

"Peanuts, pretzels, or crackers?" He heard her chirp behind him.

"Do you have any caviar?" Derek smiled when he recognized Christina's voice. He guessed that Christina, like probably half of plane, had recognized poor Cindy as a prime victim for teasing. Unlike most of the plane, Christina was currently using this new found knowledge to fluster Cindy into humiliation.

"We only had peanuts, pretzels, and cracker," Cindy said.

"Well I feel that I should complain," Christina replied.

"Oh well if there is anything that I can do to make your trip with Delta more ejoyable..."

_It's going to be a long flight, _Derek thought to himself. Just then, Meredith opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Hi," she said sleepily, stretching slightly and then settling against Derek again.

"Hey," Derek said.

"What's going on?" Meredith asked, her eyes already drooping again.

"Christina's harassing the flight attendant," Derek replied simply.

"Oh," Meredith said simply.

Derek smiled and leaned towards her. He reached out, lifting her chin and pressing his lips to hers softly. Meredith sighed softly and parted her lips to his kisses.

"Go back to sleep," Derek whispered into her ear when they pulled back.

"Okay," Meredith replied contentedly, before closing her eyes and settling against him.

xxx

Meredith, Derek, Burke and Christina walked off the plane in a daze. "I'm exhausted," Meredith said.

Derek wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed the side of her head. "I know. Me too."

"I can't believe you two geniuses booked a flight at two o'clock in the morning," Christina mumbled.

"Actually, we booked a flight at seven o'clock," Derek said.

"How could we know it arrived this early? I thought it just a couple hour flight," Burke added.

Christina sighed. "You're a brain surgeon. You cut up hearts every day. And neither of you are smart enough to know that flying from Seattle to Boston takes more than a couple hours!"

"Well, we didn't know." Derek said.

"Figures," Meredith mumbled. "Because of you I can barely stand."

Derek chuckled. "I'm sorry." He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.

Meredith smiled and kissed him softly as they made there way towards baggage claim. "It's okay," she said.

Behind them, Burke took Christina's hand in his and smiled down at her. She looked at him skeptically. "Don't think you're forgiven just because you do something cute. I'm not as big of a pushover as Meredith."

"I heard that!" Meredith called over her shoulder.

"Oh you know it's true!" Christina replied. Burke chuckled beside her. She turned back to him. "What are you laughing at. How can you even be laughing when it's two o'clock in the morning?"

Burke didn't answer. He stopped walking and pulled her into him, kissing her deep and full on the lips. She leaned into his body and closed her eyes, letting out a breath as he wrapped his arms around her waist. When he pulled back, he stared down at her, a smirk on his face.

She kept her eyes closed, her hands resting in the middle of his chest. "You're still not forgiven," she said softly.

xxx

Meredith walked into their hotel room and immediately climbed onto the bed. Derek came in behind her and smiled to himself when he saw her sprawled across the comforter, already half asleep. "Planning on changing?" he asked. "Or at least taking your shoes off?"

Meredith mumbled something inaudible into the pillow. Derek smirked and walked over to the bed, lying down next to her. She opened her eyes and looked at him, their faces mere inches apart. "I'm too tired," she said. "I can sleep in this. Sweats and a t-shirt." She was too tired to form coherent sentences.

"Okay," Derek said. "But you have to at least take off your shoes."

"No," was all Meredith said, her eyes drooping.

Derek smiled and got off the bed. He walked around to the end of the bed and pulled off her shoes. Then he pulled off his own shoes and climbed back onto the bed. He lay down behind Meredith and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into him.

She sighed softly and settled against him as he brought his hand to her stomach, and stroked it softly. "When do we have to get to the conference?" she asked sleepily.

"Not until two o'clock in the afternoon," he replied.

"Good," Meredith said.

xxx

Derek awoke and glanced at the clock on the bedside table. They had slept almost until one o'clock. He smiled to himself and tightened his grasp around Meredith and pressed a kiss to her neck. She awoke with a soft moan and turned in his arms, settling herself against him and tucking her head under his chin. "What time is it?" she said, her voice soft.

"Doesn't matter," he said.

"Yes it does," she said. "We cant be late for the..." As she lifted her head to speak, he captured her lips and kissed her deeply. She let out a quick breath as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. "Derek," she breathed as he moved his lips to her neck. "We can't. The conference."

Derek lifted his head and looked into her eyes, which were dark with desire. "So we're a little late," he said, knowing she didn't want to go any more than he did. She nodded slightly and he immediately reached down, pulling her shirt up over her head. He moved his lips over her neck and collarbone and breasts. He paused slightly at her stomach and rested, cheek to rounded belly before descending further.

Then someone knocked on the door.

"Don't answer it," Derek said, moving back up her body and kissing her lips, swollen from his kisses.

The knock came again. "Meredith?" It was Christina. Derek looked at Meredith and she almost laughed when she saw his expression of complete desire and longing. She pressed a kiss to his lips and then reached for her shirt, pulling it over her head and walking over to the door.

He flopped down on the bed with moan and she let out a giggle before opening the door. "Jeez, Mer, what took you so long?" Christina asked.

Meredith paused and looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh God," Christina said. "I don't want to know."

Meredith laughed. "What's up?"

"I need conditioner," Christina said, walking into the room. She raised her eyebrow at Derek sprawled across the bed, before turning her attention back to Meredith. "I forgot mine."

Meredith walked into the bathroom and grabbed her bottle. "Here you go," she said. "Just bring it back when you're done."

Christina nodded and walked towards the door. "Have fun with the mcnasty!" she called over her shoulder.

Meredith closed the door behind her and turned to Derek, who had lifted his head and was now looking at Meredith, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "No way," she told him. "We really are going to be late."

She began to walk over to her suitcase, which was lying next to the bed, but as soon as she came within arm's reach, Derek reached up and pulled her onto the bed beside him. She let out a shriek and tried to push him away, but he held tight. And anyway, once his mouth found hers and his hands began to roam her body, she didn't really want him to let go.

xxx

Derek and Meredith stumbled out of their hotel room, Meredith frantically fixing her hair and Derek attempting to pull his shirt straight. They looked up to find Burke and Christina standing by the rental car, looking at them intently.

"What?" Meredith said breathlessly.

Burke raised his eyebrow at them. "Nothing."


	51. Author's Note 2

**Hey guys! Okay, so lately it seems computers have been turning on me. My computer, which I wrote the next chapter on, has not been cooperating at all. I open up word and before I can even open anything it freezes and an error message appears that says something along the lines of, **_**Word has encountered a problem and needs to close. **_**Very annoying. But anyway, it might be a while before I can post another chapter, since most of what I've written is on my computer, but I didn't want you guys to think I forgot about you! Lol. I'll post the new chapter as soon as my computer decides to stop freaking out. The next chapter is really fun. It's Burke, Christina, Meredith and Derek at the conference and our best friend Sarah (from the last conference) shows up again. **

**HAPPY SPRING!!**


	52. Getting Lucky

**Miracle of miracles! My computer decided to work again! Yay! Here's that chapter I promised! I hope you like it!**

Derek, Meredith, Burke and Christina walked into the conference hall and surveyed the crowd. Surgeons of all shapes and sizes milled around them, chatting, smiling, mingling. Derek wanted to go back to sleep. With Meredith. In his arms. He didn't want to mingle.

Christina and Burke made their way over to the coffee table. Christina had mentioned casually to Meredith that she and Burke hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Meredith hadn't really wanted to think about that.

Meredith and Derek reluctantly began to make their way through the crowd when someone called out behind them. "Derek! Derek from Seattle!"

Derek turned around at the oh so familiar voice. "Sarah!" he said, trying not to grimace. She was nice. She really was, but Derek didn't know if he had the energy.

"Fancy meeting you here!" Sarah exclaimed with a laugh. "So how have you been? How's Seattle? Rainy?" She laughed before turning to Meredith. "You must be the wife! Hi, I'm Sarah! I've heard so much about you."

"Really?" Meredith said.

"Oh yeah," Sarah said. "Derek here could not stop talking about you."

Meredith turned to Derek who was shaking his head, his eyes turned towards the ground. "Really?" she said slowly, smirking at him.

He looked at her. "No," he said.

"Oh stop!" Sarah said. "I think it's cute. He even showed me your sonogram picture."

Meredith smiled to herself. "That I can believe," she said, looking at Sarah.

Derek reached down and took Meredith's hand, holding it firmly within his. He turned back towards Sarah and shrugged. "I guess I'm excited."

Sarah smiled and hit his arm lightly. "Oh who wouldn't be? A baby! That is so exciting! You're bringing new life into the world. That is beautiful."

Meredith stifled a laugh. She reached up and covered her mouth, leaning towards Derek slightly. He squeezed her hand as if to say, _I know. _"It is beautiful," Derek said as sincerely as he could to Sarah.

Sarah shook her head slightly and looked Derek up and down. Then she turned to Meredith. "Where did you find him?" she asked. "I mean, he is fantastic. Sincere, kind, compassionate…" She leaned towards Meredith as if sharing a secret. "Handsome."

Meredith smiled at her and glanced at Derek from the corner of her eye. "I guess I…just…got…lucky."

"Lucky!" Sarah exclaimed. "That is an understatement. No, Derek here, he's something special."

Derek shook his head. "Not…really."

"Oh shut up," Meredith said, hitting his chest lightly. "Since when were you modest?" She looked at Sarah. "He has one of the biggest egos I have ever seen. I mean if you knew…"

Derek laughed, cutting Meredith off. "I apologize. She's…hormonal."

Sarah laughed. "You guys are great together. You are lucky to have found each other."

"It wasn't easy, let me tell you," Derek said.

"It was really…stressful," Meredith said. "I mean we met at a bar. We were all… And then we both…There was also tequila. A lot of tequila and one thing led to another and we had a supposed one night stand, but you know I show up at work the next day and he's my boss. So my boyfriend's my boss and I fall in love with him and then the wife shows up…and then there was a vet and a prom and here we are!" Meredith shook her head slightly, clearing her thoughts and turned back to Derek and Sarah who were looking at her strangely.

"Well," Sarah said. "That's…interesting."

Meredith laughed. "I ramble," she said by way of explanation.

Sarah shook her head slightly. "You two are something. Really something."

Derek laughed. "Yeah, well…"

"Oh just take a compliment, will ya?" Meredith said.

"I'm not sure that was a compliment," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh it was," Sarah said knowingly. "Believe me it was." Both Meredith and Derek smiled at her. "Anyway! I should be going. It was nice meeting you, Meredith."

"Nice meeting you to," Meredith said, before Sarah made her way back into the crowd. Meredith turned to Derek, a smirk playing across her face. "That was interesting."

"I'll say," Derek said, moving closer to her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Do you make it a habit to tell our life story to complete strangers?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at him. "Shut up. I ramble. And you didn't tell me to stop. That's supposed to be your job."

"I know," Derek said with a smile. "But you're so cute when you ramble."

Meredith smiled slightly as he leaned down and kissed her softly on the lips. He pulled back slightly at looked into her eyes, before kissing her again, his mouth warm and intoxicating against hers. She pulled back. "We have to stop," she said quietly.

"Why?" Derek said.

"Well for one, we're in the middle of a conference hall," Meredith said, her eyes twinkling. "And when you do that it makes me want to do…things."

Derek's lips curved into a mischievous smile. "Things?" he said.

Meredith smiled. "Things." She glanced up at him. "Naked things."

"Ah," Derek said. "I see." He paused and shook his head at her. "So basically we have to stop because you have no self control."

Meredith glared at him. "Well apparently you don't either, since you just tried to make out with me in public."

"Tried?" Derek said. "I totally succeeded."

"Oh don't flatter yourself," Meredith said.

"No self control."

She smiled up at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Maybe I don't," she said, her voice low. She glanced at the ground and then back up at him. She leaned her body into his slowly; she could feel him tense slightly in anticipation. "But neither do you."

And with that she spun on her heel and walked towards the coffee table, leaving Derek slightly dazed in the middle of a milling crowd.

xxx

"Hey," Meredith said, walking over and standing next to Christina by the coffee table.

Christina glanced over at her. "Hey," she said.

"Having fun?" Meredith asked.

Christina guffawed. "Yeah right."

Meredith shrugged. "It's not that bad."

"Oh yes it is," Christina said, taking a sip from her coffee. "I should be in surgery right now. Cutting someone open. Not talking about cutting someone open. I mean what is that going to accomplish? You can talk about new and innovative surgeries all you want, but until you get into an OR and actually pick up the scalpel…" She shook her head. "It's just a waste of my time."

Meredith couldn't help but laugh. "You're a bitch you know that?"

Christina smiled slightly, her eyes running over the crowd of over eager surgeons. "I know." Meredith smiled and began to poor herself a cup of coffee. "Is that decaf?" Christina asked absentmindedly.

"Yes," Meredith said, shaking her head.

"See?" Christina said. "I might be a bitch, but I'm a bitch that cares."

"Only when you want to," Meredith told her.

"No," Christina replied, refilling her cup. "Not with you. You're my person. I have to care."

"Awww," Meredith said. "You're gonna make me cry."

"Oh shut up," Christina said.

xxx

Meredith was leaning against a wall, reading a proposal for a new approach to a neuro procedure, when Derek appeared by her side. "Hey," she said, not looking up from the papers in her hand.

"Hey," Derek said, peering at what she was reading. "What're you reading?"

"It's just this…proposal for a…" She trailed off, her attention still focused on the proposal. "It's really interesting…"

"You're cute when you're serious," Derek commented.

Meredith smirked. "Aren't I the one who's supposed to be horny? I'm the one with the raging hormones."

Derek opened his mouth slightly. "I never said…I'm not…"

Meredith glanced up at his face and shook her head. "Oh you so are."

Derek shook his head slightly and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. "Fine. Maybe I am. Want to go have sex in a broom closet?"

Meredith dropped her hand holding the paper to her side and looked at him, narrowing her eyes slightly. "You're shameless."

Derek flashed his McDreamy smile. "You know you want to."

Meredith looked at him for a moment longer, before lifting the papers and beginning to read them again. "We can't."

"So you do want to?" Derek said triumphantly.

"I…" She looked at his face again. His eyes twinkled with desire and a certain amount of mischief and his lips were turned up ever so slightly in a smile. "We can't," she repeated her eyes not moving from his lips.

"Mmmhmm," Derek said. He leaned towards her slightly until his lips were only inches from hers. She parted her lips slightly and drew in a breath. He smiled slightly. "Now who's horny?"

Suddenly, her eyes narrowed into a glare and she pulled away from him. "Oh, go away," she said.

He laughed. "No self control," he said, backing away from her. "It's sad!"


	53. I Could Get Used to This

Derek pressed Meredith gently against the door of the broom closet and brought his lips to hers, stealing her breath. One of his hands was pressed, palm out against the door and the other was wrapped around her waist, pulling her body into his. She arched into his body as he moved his hand from her back to the edge of her shirt and lifted it up over her head.

She moaned softly as he moved his hands to her breasts and his lips to her neck. "Mmmm," he said into her neck. "I'm a big fan of broom closets right now."

She let out a breath he moved his hands from her breasts, running them down her sides until they came to rest on the slight curve of her stomach. "Me too," she breathed, running her hands along his chest and up into the soft curls of his hair.

He smiled at her, before kissing her again and reaching for the snap on her jeans.

xxx

Meredith walked out of the broom closet as nonchalantly as she could, casually fixing her hair. Derek followed her a few seconds later, redoing the top buttons of his shirt.

"Meredith!" Christina suddenly called, walking down the hall towards the disheveled couple.

"Hey," Meredith said, trying to catch her reflection in the edge of a picture frame so that she could see just how smudged her lipstick was.

"Burke and I were just wondering..." She paused and looked from Derek to Meredith slowly. "Did you guys just come out of the broom closet?"

"No. Of course not," Meredith stumbled.

Christina gave a rueful smile. "Nice," she said.

"I thought so," Derek offered from behind Meredith. Meredith turned and hit him on the chest. "What?" he said.

"Well anyway, Burke and I were wondering if you guys wanted to go get something to eat," Christina explained, clearly unfazed by Meredith and Derek's sex life.

"That sounds good," Meredith said, glancing at Derek who nodded in approval.

"Great," Christina said. "We'll meet you outside with the car in five minutes. Just try to keep your horniness in check during dinner."

"We'll try out hardest," Meredith told her sincerely.

As Christina turned and made her way back down the hall, Meredith turned to Derek and smiled devilishly. "I think horny works for us."

Derek chuckled and reached up, stroking her cheek softly with his thumb, before pulling her in for a kiss. "I agree," he said.

"More horniness I say," Meredith declared. Derek leaned into her slightly and kissed her again. She could feel the desire in his kiss and she pulled away. "Not right now."

"Why not?" he asked, a smile playing across his face.

She shook her head and began to back away from him. "Dirty, dirty boy."

He laughed and jogged to catch up with her, taking her hand in his as they walked outside.

xxx

Christina and Burke were waiting for them outside when Meredith and Derek emerged from the conference hall. They all got into the car. Meredith and Derek in the back, Christina in the front with Burke driving. "Where to?" he said, as he started the engine.

"Anyplace with food," Meredith said.

"That was the plan," Burke said with a chuckle.

Burke made his way out of the parking lot and began driving in the direction where Christina "had a feeling" there would be restaurants. She was right. Within a few minutes they were surrounded by cafes, diners, and more upscale places. Burke parked the car and they got out.

"What are you guys in the mood for?" Burke asked.

"Food," Meredith said.

Derek laughed and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "I'm fine with anything," Derek said.

"How about Moe's Fish n' Fry?" Burke suggested.

"Ew," Christina said.

"What?" Burke asked.

"It sounds gross."

"You love seafood," Burke said.

"It just has an aura of grossness about it," Christina told him vaguely. "That's the kind of place that I wouldn't be surprised if they served chicken-fried steak and hush puppies."

Meredith laughed. "Chicken-fried steak? I can't even picture that."

"Don't try to," Christina said.

"Fine," Burke said with an amused shake of his head. "How about Italian?"

"That," Christina replied. "I can deal with."

"Good," Burke said.

They made there way down the street into a small Italian place and sat down in a booth by the window. Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder and closed her eyes for a minute. "Tired?" Christina asked.

Meredith opened her eyes and looked at her. "As a matter of fact I am."

"Well I would be to after..."

"Don't even go there," Meredith warned, shooting her a look.

"What?" Burke asked, looking up from his menu. "After what?"

"Sex in a janitorial closet," Christina said, ignoring Meredith's scowl of warning.

Burke raised his eyebrows and shot a look at Derek. "Nice," he said.

Derek laughed. "I thought so, but Meredith has decided to be...modest."

"You? Modest?" Christina scoffed. "Yeah right."

"Oh shut up," Meredith said.

"What? I'm just saying," Christina said. "You did have sex in an exam room which you failed to lock the door of and then lost your panties in the process."

Derek shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Shall we order?"

"Yes! Great idea!" Burke exclaimed.

Meredith shook her head and narrowed her eyes at Christina, but an uncontrollable smile played across her lips. Christina only shrugged and picked up her menu.

xxx

A couple hours later, Christina, Burke, Meredith and Derek made their way out of the restaurant. "Well," Burke said. "That was fun."

"Oh yeah, discussing Meredith's sex life over spaghetti is definitely my idea of a good time," Christina said.

"Hey," Meredith told her. "You totally started it."

"Fine," Christina said.

They reached the car and Burke opened the door on the driver's side. "You guys want a ride?" he asked.

"Actually," Derek said. "I think we'll walk. It's only a few blocks to the hotel."

Burke nodded. "Okay, we'll see you there."

Christina and Burke both got into the car and were driving away within a few seconds. Derek turned to Meredith and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her into his body. "So you told Christina about prom night?" he said with a bemused smile.

Meredith shrugged. "She's my person."

"Did you tell her...everything?" Derek asked.

Meredith smiled. "Now who's being modest?"

"Well I would just like to know," Derek said. "If you're going to share our sex life with your friends then I just have to make sure to be on the top of my game at all times."

Meredith laughed and shook her head at him. "Well I won't object to that." Derek leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips.

Derek then reached down and took her hand within his, squeezing it gently. "Ready to go?" he asked softly.

She nodded, looking into his eyes for a moment. "Definitely," she said, as they began to walk down the sidewalk.

xxx

Meredith and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Don't tell me you're going to sleep in your clothes again," Derek said, walking in behind her and closing the door.

She smiled at him. "No, I'm not." She pulled off her shoes and stood up. "I think I'll take a shower," she said, walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

She stood in front of the mirror and considered her baby bump. Honestly, when she'd first gotten pregnant, she had pictured the worst. Swollen feet. Constant nausea. Gaining weight. But now, at four and half months, she liked the way her body looked. It wasn't the same as being fat. She hadn't gained weight, she had just sort of...popped.

She smiled to herself as she ran her hands over the small bump beneath her shirt and felt the baby move. She definitely had an energetic baby. And secretly, Meredith hoped it was a girl. She had a feeling that Derek agreed, but they didn't really talk about it. Either way, Meredith knew they would both be overjoyed.

Meredith walked over to the shower and turned it on before taking off her clothes and leaving them in a small pile on the floor. She stepped into the shower and almost immediately relaxed as the warm water ran over her.

Derek listened as Meredith turned on the shower and stepped in. The idea of joining her was too tempting. He couldn't help himself. He stood up ad walked into the shower. He quietly took off his clothes and added them to the small pile on the floor before stepped into the shower and wrapping his arms around Meredith's waist, pulling her against him.

She gave a little yelp at first, but when she realized it was him, she relaxed and leaned into his embrace. "Derek," she breathed. "You're in my shower."

"Yes I am," Derek said into her neck.

She turned in his arms and pressed herself against him, feeling desire curl within her. She pressed a kiss to his lips. "I could get used to this," she said into his lips.

"Me too," he agreed, before pushing her gently against the side of the shower and continuing his rail of kisses down her neck, across her collarbone to her breast. "I could definitely get used to this."

Dating even further back than economically and socially based antisemitism was religiously based antisemitism which dates back to shortly after the death of Christ.


	54. Author's Note 3

**Hey. So about that last sentence...I'm writing a huge paper on the roots of antisemitism and I was struggling with writer's block last night, so I decided to write some more of my fic. But as I was writing, I thought of this sentence and didn't want to forget it, so I just jotted it down. Obviously, I forgot to erase it. Sorry bout that!! Lol. You guys were probably like, wtf? From McDreamy in the shower to antisemitism...definitely a random jump. :-)**


	55. Dreams and Banana Splits

**So this chapter is mostly MerDer cuteness and baby fluff. Next chapter they'll head back to Seattle Grace and will deal with what the other characters have been up to. I love all the reviews!! They make me want to write more!!**

Meredith woke up as sunlight slanted through the window. She stretched slightly before settling back against Derek whose arm was draped comfortably over stomach. She closed her eyes again, relishing in the warmth radiating off of Derek's body pressed against hers. She promised herself she would get up soon. She would. Just not right now.

Derek smiled to himself as Meredith woke up and stretched before snuggling back into the safe harbor of his arms. He had been up for a while, content to just hold her as she slept. It continued to amaze him how much he loved her. Just looking at her wasn't enough. He physically ached for her. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to kiss her. When she wasn't near him, he missed her.

"Have you been watching me sleep again?" Meredith suddenly asked.

Derek pulled himself from his reverie. "How did you know I was up? You can't even see my face."

"Your breathing is different when you're awake," she explained. "It's a little quicker than when you're asleep."

"Stalker," he said, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"That from the man who was watching me sleep," Meredith said, leaning into his touch.

He tightened his grasp around her, moving himself closer to her until no space remained between them. She sighed and closed her eyes again. Stupid conference. She wished she could stay like this all day.

He pressed his face into the curve of her neck, breathing in her lavender scented hair. "I don't want to get up," she told him.

"Me neither," he said into her hair.

"Let's skip the conference," Meredith said suddenly.

"Play hooky?" Derek teased.

"Why not?" Meredith said, turning to face him. He smiled and looked into her eyes. Her beautiful green eyes. She returned his gaze and moved closer to him, desire curling within her. "We could just spend all day in bed," she said.

"I like that idea," Derek said.

"Me too," Meredith murmured as he lowered his lips to hers, kissing her fiercely. She moaned softly into his mouth and reached for the hem of his t-shirt, breaking the kiss for a moment to pull it over his head.

He pulled her back into him, running his hands over her breasts and across her stomach, before reaching for the drawstring on her pajama bottoms and pulling the knot undone. She leaned into his touch, running her own fingers across his chest and across his back, feeling his muscles ripple beneath her touch.

Suddenly, in one fluid motion, he flipped them over so that he lay on top of her, but was suspending his weight in his arms. He looked down at her before lowering his lips to hers once again, sweeping his tongue across her lips before gaining entrance into her mouth. She clung to him as the kiss deepened, leaving her breathless and trembling with desire.

"I definitely like playing hooky," Derek said, into her neck. "I don't know why we never did this before."

xxx

Meredith and Derek were just drifting off again, when there was a knock on their door. Meredith extracted herself from Derek, much to his dismay, and stumbled across the room, pulling on one of Derek's button down shirts. She opened the door, revealing Christina leaning against the doorframe. "We're going to be late," Christina said.

Meredith frowned at her. "Derek and I aren't going," Meredith said.

"What's wrong with you?" Christina asked indignantly.

"I'm, uh, sick," Meredith said. She coughed for good measure.

Christina waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, shut up. You can just say you want to spend the day doing the McNasty with McDreamy."

Meredith glared at her. "Okay fine."

"God I wish I could make Burke play hooky," Christina said. "But apparently that would be wrong, because he gave the chief his word."

"Are you seriously mocking your boyfriend because he's _too _honest?" Meredith asked.

Christina shrugged. "Maybe."

Meredith laughed at her. "You're horrible."

"I know," Christina said.

"But I love you," Meredith added.

Christina shook her head and began to walk away. Meredith was just closing the door when she heard Christina call, "Love you too!"

Meredith laughed and walked back into the room. Derek looked up at her and his breath caught in his throat at the sight of her. She was wearing one of his shirts, which came down to the middle of her thighs. Her baby bump was just slightly visible in the loose shirt. She hadn't buttoned the top buttons and the shirt fell away from her neck off one of her shoulders. Her hair was still slightly messy and and her skin was flushed ever so slightly.

Meredith felt an exalted shiver run through her body as he gazed at her intently. "What?" she said after a while.

"Nothing...I...You're just so..." Derek stammered, his mouth slightly agape.

"I hope the ends of these sentences are good," Meredith said with a smile.

Derek shook his head slightly. "You're beautiful," he said sincerely.

She smiled again and moved towards the bed, allowing him to take her in his arms and kiss her deep and full on the lips.

xxx

Meredith opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. She and Derek had fallen sleep again after lunch in bed and apparently had slept well into the afternoon. Derek sighed softly behind her and pressed his face into her neck, his stubble rough against her skin.

"Derek," she said, rubbing his arm, which was draped across her stomach. He groaned and pulled her closer to him. "Derek."

"Mmmm," he said into her hair. "I was having a really good dream."

She laughed. "About me?"

"I dream about you every night," he said.

She laughed again. "I'm sure."

"Well maybe not every night," he said. "But you were definitely an integral part of this one."

"What was I doing?" Meredith asked.

"Things," he said. "Dirty things."

Meredith giggled and shook her head. "I should've guessed." She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "I need ice cream," she declared suddenly.

He chuckled at her. "Food craving?"

She nodded. "Bad one."

Derek smiled and brought his hand to her stomach, stroking it softly before pressing a kiss to her lips. "Then let's go get some ice cream."

xxx

"That thing is disgusting," Derek said, taking a sip of his milkshake. They were sitting outside a little ice cream parlor at a picnic table.

"What?" Meredith asked, innocently. "It's called a banana split."

Derek frowned at her. "I know what it's called."

"Jeez, sorry," Meredith said teasingly. "Anyway, it tastes good."

"I'm sure," Derek said doubtfully.

"You've never had a banana split?" Meredith asked, pausing mid-bite.

Derek shook his head. "Never."

Meredith got a big spoonful and held it up to him. "Here. Try this."

Derek wrinkled up his nose. "I'll pass."

"No, seriously, Derek," Meredith said. "You have to try this."

Derek frowned. "Fine." He took the spoon from her and tentatively put it in his mouth. He pondered it for a while, trying to decided whether or not he liked it. Finally, he nodded. "It's okay," he said, purposefully vague, because he knew it would bug her.

"Okay?" Meredith asked. "This is not okay," she said, pointing to her dish piled high with bananas, nuts, whipped cream, and ice cream. "This is ingenious. It's amazing. It's perfection. It's one of man's greatest creations. Right up there with electricity."

Derek laughed at her. "Wow. You're very passionate about that banana split."

"Something this magnificent, deserves passion," Meredith said.

"Like me," Derek said.

Meredith glared at him. "I'm telling you...that ego of yours..."

"I know," Derek said, interrupting her, "it's wildly hot."

Meredith laughed. "Oh definitely. Stole the words right out of my mouth."

Derek laughed. "You know, you're pretty magnificent too."

"Really?" Meredith asked.

"Definitely," Derek said. "Your magnificence definitely trumps electricity. And banana splits."

"High praise," Meredith said, smiling. "I like it."

"Well, you deserve it," Derek said, leaning across the table and pressing his lips to hers. Her kiss tasted like chocolate.


End file.
